Better Off Friends

“So that makes it okay?” I asked.

“No, it doesn’t.” I was relieved that this was her answer. “I’m confused, that’s all.”

“About what?”

“Everything.” She started to tear up. “I’m getting freaked out over next year. I don’t think you realize how much things will change. Everything’s going to change. It already has.”

I sat down next to her so we were both staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling. “Emily, you’ve got to let this go. You’re not your sister.”

“You know what happened with her. You saw. Cassie had all these friends when she was our age. Then she went to that big school and got lost. She’d come straight home freshman year and go into her bedroom to cry.”

“But your sister’s a lot quieter than you. You’re more outgoing. You’d never be lost. And you have me.” I wanted to add that trying to date the entire male population at our school at the same time wasn’t going to make things better for her, but I knew this wasn’t the time. What she needed was reassurance. “Not everything is going to change.”

“Our group will be broken up. I used to be your only best friend, and don’t think it hasn’t hurt me that you’ve been spending more time with Levi.”

I couldn’t believe she was trying to turn this on me. Yes, I spent a lot of time with Levi. But she was the one who canceled plans with me to spend more time with him.

“And I get worried for you, Macallan. I do. Levi’s great. But when he gets to high school, do you think he’s going to be fine hanging out with only you? He’s going to have all these friends, and I don’t want you to be left alone.”

“I didn’t think I was going to be left alone.” My throat tightened. “I thought you were my best friend, too.” I turned my head in time to see her cringe.

“I am your best friend. But sometimes I question where your loyalty lies.”

I stayed motionless on my bed, repeating Emily’s words in my head. This was an impossible situation — was she really asking me to make an even more impossible choice? A knot began forming in my stomach. Could I really choose between the two? I’d known Emily for as long as I could remember. She was always happy to lend a hand when I needed girly advice. She had been there for me during the absolute worst time in my life.

Maybe Emily was right. Maybe I had been neglecting her since Levi had come to town. But did that make what she was asking me okay? Levi and his family had meant the world to me the past eighteen months. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. But I felt the same about Emily.

Why was this landing all on me? This was exactly the situation I’d been worried about when they’d started dating. What would happen after they broke up?

I tried to keep my voice steady. “Are you giving me an ultimatum? That I need to be loyal to you?”

“I don’t know what I’m saying.” Emily sat up. “I’m obviously really confused. I’m so sorry. I feel horrible. I don’t want to come between you and Levi, and I don’t want Levi to come between us.”

Yeah, I thought, you’re one kissing session too late on that one.

Just then, I heard everybody downstairs counting down. While they happily rang in the New Year, I was trying to figure out how to salvage the two most important relationships in my life.

A “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” chorus erupted below.

“Hey!” Emily hugged me as I got up. “Happy New Year, Macallan! Can we make a fresh start? I promise to figure out what to say to Levi. I don’t want you to worry about it. It’s my problem, not yours.”

All I could do was hope she was right.

Emily got up off the bed and clapped her hands. “Come on, Macallan! It’s the New Year, a new start, a new begi

I felt a sense of dread envelop me. Because anything was possible. But those last ten minutes had made me realize that maybe that wasn’t a good thing.

New begi

I know. I’ll never understand why everybody puts so much emphasis on January first. There are three hundred and sixty-four other days in the year that you can make a change.

Or make a fresh start.

Or start a diet.

You’re not allowed to starting cooking with low-fat ingredients.

Obviously.

Or, you know, hide something from me ever again.

Well, you’re never allowed to leave the state of Wisconsin again.

Yep. That totally seems fair.

I can only control so much.

If only you could be in charge of the world.

Finally someone gets it! I should be in charge of the world. Wouldn’t life be so much better?

Obviously. First law as Queen of the World?

Banishment of the Chicago Bears.

On second thought.

Hey, it’s my world. I get to rule it as I see fit. What if I made it so you’d be the standard against which all guys are judged?

Like you don’t already do that.

Right. Question: How many suns are there in your world?

I practically ran off the plane the second we touched down in Milwaukee.

It was fu

Macallan was kinda my better half. The yin to my yang. Um, that sounded way dirtier than I meant it to.

And Emily was an awesome girlfriend. She radiated this positive energy. I could tell she was always happy to be around me. What guy wouldn’t want that?

Although I have a confession to make. I lied to Emily over the break. I told her I wasn’t getting back until Saturday evening, when in fact my flight arrived in the afternoon. I only did it because I wanted to see Macallan first. I knew Emily would want to see me right away, but I still owed Macallan her present.

I had a stupid grin on my face when I rang the doorbell at the Dietzes’ house.

“Hey!” I picked up Macallan in a tight grip when I saw her.

“Hey back!” She laughed as I put her down. “How was the culture shock?”

I walked into the foyer and started taking off my many layers. “It was more the shock of getting off the plane just now and being hit with the cold air. I was wearing flip-flops on New Year’s Eve.”

Macallan winced slightly.

“Everything okay?”

She shook her head a little too vigorously. “Um, yeah. Ah, it’s only that, um, it’s strange to think of celebrating the holidays in the heat. Mom used to get so mad if there wasn’t snow on the ground at Christmas.”

Macallan’s odd behavior was now making sense. I knew how much her mom loved the holidays, so this time of year must’ve been particularly hard on her. Which probably also explained the mess in the kitchen. There were pots and pans everywhere. Macallan cooked a lot when she was trying to clear her mind. Or trying to distract herself from something. And with us being on winter break, she didn’t have homework to fill that void.

I rubbed her arm, thinking it would be the best way to comfort her. Ever since we’d gone to the cemetery, I knew it was okay for me to bring up her mom. I was so honored when she took me. It cemented how important our relationship was. But I also knew that if she wanted to talk about it with me, she would. It was getting to the point that I could read Macallan pretty well. I knew when she needed to be prodded into saying something and when she needed to be left alone. And the look on her face screamed, Leave it alone.