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"Ryan, I am really, really sorry about what I said. You know I didn't mean it"
He put his backpack in his locker and started to take out his books. I wondered how long it would be before he looked at me again.
"I know you didn't mean it," he said in a low voice, still not making eye contact. "The problem is you said it because you knew it would hurt me. Well, mission accomplished." He
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shook his head. "Out of everybody at the school, I thought you would be the last person to stoop so low."
He slammed his locker shut and started to walk away. He paused and turned to me, "You know what I've been doing every morning for the last few weeks? I drive to school
wondering which Pe
I stared at him. I couldn't deny what he was saying. I knew that I'd been erratic around him, and I couldn't tell him the real reason why.
He shook his head. "I just never know where I stand with you." He began to walk away.
"Wait." I ran to get in front of him. "I know what I said is unforgivable -- I really am so sorry. So much has happened the last couple months and, yes, I've taken some stuff out on you."
"Why?" He looked at me intensely.
"I..." I reached in my bag. "I...I wanted to give you this."
I held out my hand and gave Ryan the only thing I could think of to let him know how I really felt.
He reached out and examined the CD case. He opened it up and his expression changed as his finger traced the songs. "You made me this?" He looked up at me,
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"Yes."
He studied the inside and read the inscription aloud. "From me to you . . ."
"It's from one of the songs -- this one." I took the case and pointed out one of the tracks. I didn't dare write the entire lyrics out -- it would just say too much. He'd have to listen to it to understand everything.
He kept studying the case.
"I know it seems silly, but it's the only thing I could think of." I started to feel the desperation in my voice and the tears starting to form. Everything in my life, except the Club, seemed to be crashing around me -- the stares from the guys at school, Todd, yelling at me, Principal Braddock being on my case -- I just couldn't handle it if Ryan hated me, too.
Ryan heard my voice crack and looked up again. "I love it. Thank you."
"It's just a stupid CD." I walked over to the wall, trying to control the tears that had now started trickling down my face. What was I thinking? That a Beatles mix would make everything better? If only he knew what these songs meant to me. This wasn't just a mix CD, it was my heart and soul. I was giving it to him, I was letting him in. I just wished he could see that.
Ryan walked over and leaned in, knowing that in doing so he was blocking my tears from the flood of students now entering the hall. His closeness gave me a sense of comfort rather than unease.
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"Pe
"I'm sorry, I'm just..." I tried to calm myself down. "It's been a long few weeks."
He held on. "Yes, it has."
More tears ran down my face. I tried to compose myself as the hallways filled. "Great. All I need is more rumors about me. I'm getting so sick of people talking behind my back, and I'm sure this will just give them more fodder."
He bent down and wiped my tears away with his hand. I looked into his blue eyes and wished all the obstacles would just go away.
"You know, you being nice and all isn't helping," I said to him.
Ryan stared at me intensely for a few seconds before a smile crept over his face.
"Okay, stop your blubbering, woman. You're being a big tear whore."
"What?" I screamed in surprise. I couldn't help but laugh. "What the hell was that?"
He shrugged. "Well, you needed a good laugh."
"Yeah, but 'tear whore'?"
"I was under pressure -- it was all I could think of."
He leaned in one last time to wipe the tears from my face. He smiled warmly at me. "All better?"
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As I nodded, something caught my eye in the hallway. I saw Tracy staring at us with her mouth open. She walked away quickly when she knew she'd been spotted.
"Look, we've got two weeks left before break. Let's make a pact to not let anything get in the way of our .. . friendship again!' he said to me.
I smiled at him. "that would be great."
Crap
"All right, let's get back to our lockers before we're late for first period." He put his arm around me and led me to my locker. A wave of relief started to come over me as I grabbed my books. . I had completely forgotten that my first class was Spanish with Todd,. Crap.
Or, more appropriately, caca.
there was no way I was going to pass Spanish. I kept copying everything Senora Coles was writing on the blackboard, but I couldn't concentrate. Todd, came in a few minutes late to class with a pass, and I was too scared to look over at him.
"All right, just a reminder that your final is next Thursday. that's it for today. Now it's time for your conversations. En Espanol, por favor" Senora Coles said to the class as she walked to her desk in the back of the room.
I turned around to face Todd, and found him staring at my wrist. I wore a long-sleeved sweater to cover up the bruise, but you could still see some of the brown and blue. I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn't think of what to say.
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Todd, said something, but his voice was so low, I couldn't hear him.
"Que? I asked.
Todd, looked over at me. "Lo siento, Margarita, Lo siento."
He looked exhausted. Before I could say anything, the bell rang. I started to collect my books. When I walked out of the class Todd, was waiting for me.
"I really meant it, Pe
"thanks, Todd,."
He gave me a weak smile before he headed to his next class. Todd, just didn't seem like Todd, unless he was making a joke or goofing around. I felt a little sad -- how much else could possibly change? I could hardly keep up as it was.
By lunch the entire school knew that not only had Todd, gotten drunk on Saturday night, but his parents had caught him, and this morning they'd met with Principal Braddock, who'd had no choice but to suspend Todd, from the basketball team for three games.
Now I understood why Todd, was so upset. Even though it was his own fault,
"So . . ." Jen said as Morgan sat down, "Where did you and Tyson run off to after the party?"
Morgan blushed.
"Nice!" Jen laughed. "I see it was a successful evening all around."
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"Oh, leave her alone," Diane said.
"Actually, this is sort of what I wanted to talk about," Tracy said.
Morgan looked horrified.
"No," Tracy shook her head. "I meant about the Club." She started to hand everybody a sheet of paper.
My heart jumped when it got to me. I was a little hurt that this was the first I was seeing of it. I knew we talked about it, but still. . .