The Lonely Hearts Club

"Yeah, why?" I asked him.

"Oh, nothing... ." He put his hand on my shoulder and I felt a jolt of electricity. "Since you're technically a celebrity now, you might need some security." He held out his arm. "May I escort you to your next class?"

I hesitantly began to reach for his arm. My nerves were completely on edge.

"Jesus Christ, you have got to be kidding me," Todd, said as he approached Ryan. "Don't you start encouraging Eleanor Rigby."

Ryan dropped his arm. "Todd, --"

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"Whatever, Ryan, Are we going to class or not?" Todd, wouldn't even look in my direction. Before Ryan could say anything, I told him that I had to go and headed down the hallway.

"Oh, Pe

I continued to hear laughter and my name as I walked down the hall.

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You're got to Hide Your Love Away

"How can I even try? I can never win ..."

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chapter twenty four

BEING A T SCHOOL WAS UNBEARABLE after the article came out. the looks, the stares, the sudden focus on the Club. I was overjoyed when Saturday night finally arrived.

Right before I headed downstairs, I checked my e-mail one last time and there was a message from Nate with the subject:

PLEASE READ.

I hesitated before I clicked it open.

Pen,

I really hope you will give me a chance by just reading this, although you probably won't. And you have every reason to be mad at me. I am so sorry that I hurt you. I've been miserable since I came back home. I miss you so much. You mean everything to me and what I did, what I said, all of it was wrong. I'm an idiot. A jerk. A loser.

I'm so sorry, Pen. if there was something I could do to make what I did go away and erase any hurt I've caused you, I would do it. I would do anything for you. I need you in my life and I'm lost without you.

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I miss talking to you. I miss seeing you. I miss YOU.

When my parents told me about thanksgiving I was so happy at the thought of seeing you. Until I realized that you wouldn't feel the same way. Do you think you can see it in your beautiful, kind heart to at least hear me out at thanksgiving? there is so much I want you to know, so much I want to tell you. You are everything to me, Pen. I want you back and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to earn your trust back.

Please talk to me.

Love,

Big Dumb idiot

The mouse hovered over the delete button, but I couldn't get myself to delete it.

The doorbell rang and I jumped up. I had to run away from my computer and push his e-mail from my mind.

"Are you okay?" Tracy asked when she saw me.

I nodded. "I think it is going to be a big meeting. We should start getting things ready."

Diane and Tracy exchanged worried looks. I pretended not to notice.

A half hour later, the meeting was pure chaos.

I stopped counting the number of people in the basement at forty. this kind of turnout should've made me excited, but I kept wondering who was there because they believed

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in The Lonely Hearts Club and who was there because we were the "It" thing of the moment at McKinley.

"All right, what re we doing?" Rosa

"I have a feeling my nasty side may come out this evening," Tracy whispered to me.

"Just give her a chance" I begged. I couldn't deal with any more drama, especially after that e-mail from Nate. Although I had to admit, Rosa

"Um, okay everybody!' I raised my voice to get everybody to quiet down. "We've got a packed house this evening."

Rosa

I tried to not look a

"I thought we weren't supposed to date?"

"Um, well, members of the club" -- I made sure she realized that she wasn't an official member yet -- "know that this is much more than just not --"

"Yeah, but aren't you going on a date with Ryan Bauer?" Rosa

All eyes were on me. The "original crew" -- as Tracy, Diane, and I had been referring to the six of us -- knew all about my outing with Ryan. And nobody seemed to think anything of it. Because there wasn't anything to it.

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"Not really. We're going to a concert. Ryan and I have been friends for years, so it isn't a big deal."

"Uh-huh. So you aren't interested in Ryan?"

Diane glared at Rosa

"Well," Rosa

"I'm not going on a date with Ryan," I repeated.

Diane got up from the floor. "Okay, all of you new to the Club join me upstairs. There are a few rules we need to go through to make sure people are here" -- Diane looked directly at Rosa

Nearly twenty people went upstairs with Diane.

"What have we gotten ourselves into?" Jen asked. I was a little surprised. She held her hands up. "No, no, not the Club -- I mean about Rosa

Oddly enough, I was thinking about the Club.

The school week went by so fast, Thursday was here before I knew it. I hadn't responded to Nate's e-mail, and he hadn't e-mailed again, I hated the fact that he'd said all the right things. I didn't want to deal with it, so I tried not to think about it. That meant not even telling my friends about it. That would make it more real. And I had enough to deal with

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already -- not only with defending my non-date with Ryan, but also figuring out what a girl should wear on a non-date.

I just kept staring at my closet hoping the answer would present itself. At first I thought vintage Beatles T-shirt and jeans, but realized that would be too corny plus I was pretty sure the entire fifty something-year-old crowd was going to be wearing that. I heard the doorbell ring and quickly grabbed my white fitted tee and navy blue corduroy blazer.

I ran downstairs just in time to hear Dad tell Ryan, "You know, I think it's good that bands want to keep the music alive, but the audience shouldn't kid themselves --"

"Here I am.'" I interrupted. I was afraid that Ryan would bolt out the door if my parents kept this up. I gave my parents a wave as I reached for the door. I quickly glanced at Ryan and tried not to notice how particularly fine he looked in khakis and a blue shirt -- Rita and I had joked that guys always wore that on a first date while girls always wore jeans and a black top. Since I wasn't wearing a black top, this was clearly not a date.

"Watt a second, Pe

Dear God, why, why now?

I looked over at Ryan, and he had the most wonderful smile on his face; he was clearly amused by my parents, most people were -- except for their children.

I could feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment. "Dad ..."