Take a Bow

I resist the urge to bite my lip. I wish I hadn’t said anything about not getting into school like it wouldn’t be a big deal. But it’s the truth. If I don’t make it to a music program, I’ll reapply next year to schools for education or business. But music will always be a part of who I am.

“Favorite composers?”

“Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, Rachmaninoff, Gershwin, Le

There is some laughter at the last comment. But I write mostly pop/rock songs, so I’d be an idiot if I omitted probably the biggest musical influence of the past few decades.

“Can you tell us about a challenge you’ve had to face and how you’ve grown from it?”

Besides this audition?

“To be honest, being here, onstage, is a challenge. I’ve never been the kind of person who has a desire to be in the spotlight. What inspires me is the writing, not necessarily performing in front of an audience. Most of the music students I know enjoy seeing their name in lights and being onstage. But that’s always been my least favorite part. So standing up here having to sing for you, to have the confidence it requires to be an entertainer, that’s been a real challenge.

“However, this experience has really taught me a lot about myself. It’s wonderful to have people believe in you, but if you don’t believe in yourself, you really can’t accomplish much. So the fact that I’m standing here, and I’ll be able to walk out that door and be proud of what I’ve done, is an unbelievable accomplishment. It makes we wonder what else I’m capable of.”

I begin to feel a sting come from behind my eyes. I will not cry during my Juilliard audition. I meant every word of what I said. I’m really proud of myself. Every time I thought I would fall on my face, I rose to the occasion. And for the first time, I actually believe that I belong here.

“Why Juilliard?”

“Because it’s Juilliard,” I blurt out. Apparently I’ve become too comfortable onstage….

More laughter comes from below.

I try to recover. “I’m from Brooklyn. New York City is part of who I am. I attend the New York City High School of the Creative and Performing Arts, mainly because of its proximity to Juilliard. This has been my dream for so long, I think it would be more difficult for me to answer ‘Why would anybody choose not to go to Juilliard?’”

There is some whispering among the judges.

“Thank you.”

I’m startled. It’s over? That’s all they’re asking me? This is not a good sign. They talked to Ethan for nearly twenty minutes. I got maybe five.

“Thank you so much for your time,” I say before I head back to the hallway.

I open the door and see Ethan waiting for me.

He envelops me in his arms. “You were wonderful, the best I’ve ever heard you.”

“Thanks. How did you sneak in?”

“I’ve got my ways….”

“Did you hear my interview?”

He shakes his head. “I didn’t want to get caught, so I left once you couldn’t see me anymore.”

“They only asked me four questions.”

For a second, a look of worry crosses Ethan’s face, but he quickly disguises it.

“Emme, I think they only have those interviews to make sure you can string a few words together. Please don’t let this ruin the day. We are finished with our auditions. Flippin’ Juilliard!”

He’s right. It’s over. There’s nothing I can do now. The chances of me getting in are … well, eight percent. But I had the opportunity. I’ve got my other schools, I’ve got the guys. All will be well.

I hear a rumbling coming from my stomach.

“I’m starving.”

Ethan puts his arm around me and leads me out of the building. “It’s about time. Let’s get some food in you.”

I may have a

“Such a ski

“I think I’m done.” I push away my empty plate of chicken parm (which joined my empty plates of bruschetta, mozzarella sticks, and pe

Ethan smiles at me. “That was impressive.”

“Ugh. I’m so full. Why did you let me keep ordering?”

“Because you haven’t eaten a full meal in weeks.”

I rub my belly. “Can we walk through the park? I need to digest this food.”

“I think we’d have to walk around the entire isle of Manhattan for that.”

I throw my napkin at him. We get up and head east to Central Park. I wrap my scarf around me since all the blood has rushed to my stomach.

We head to the Imagine mosaic near Strawberry Fields. Ethan reassures me for the third time that my Le

“Thanks.”

“Of course.”

I look over at Ethan and realize that he’s been there with me through everything. He’s gone above and beyond more times than I deserve. I haven’t even missed Sophie at all, because once she went away, I realized that she didn’t ever really have an impact on me as a friend. Because she wasn’t a friend. Not like Ethan.

I study the Imagine mosaic. The small white and black stones together form a beautiful tribute to one of the greatest songwriters of all time. I see Ethan looking down as well. He’s a huge part of my life. If my world was a mosaic, Ethan would be one of the most significant pieces in it.

“Ethan.” He looks at me. “I know I say this a lot, but thank you. Truly thank you.” I feel a lump in my throat. “You have been so kind and generous to me since the day we met. I hope you know that I realize how much you do for me. You really mean the world to me. Seeing you there today made everything better. I couldn’t have done this, or a lot of things, without you.”

Ethan’s leg has been shaking since I began talking. He crosses his arms and takes a deep breath.

“Ethan? Are you okay?”

He looks at me with a serious look that I’ve never seen before.

“I have to tell you something.”

I don’t know if it is the food I ate, but I feel sick to my stomach. I’m not sure I can handle Ethan making another confession to me about girls or drinking or even worse. I, more than anything, want to believe that he’s stopped with his self-destructive antics.

“Emme, I am deeply and madly in love with you.”

I finally find the courage to say the words that have been stuck in my throat for four years. And once they’re out there, I realize that I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop.

“From the moment I saw you on our first day, I thought you were the most beautiful living creature that has ever graced this planet. When you came up to me in the cafeteria, I couldn’t believe that you would even speak to me. And every single second since, I have been in shock to have the fortune for you to be in my life.

“I never in a million years could ever think that you would see me as anything but the nerdy songwriter, so I’ve never said anything to you. I really cared about Kelsey, but she was a consolation prize because I couldn’t have you. And I know that sounds cruel, but it’s true. And all those girls at the show … I wanted you to see that some people found me attractive so that maybe you’d see me a different way. But I knew I was just making things worse. I knew you were so disappointed in me when I messed up. But part of me thought that if I kept messing up, it would give me a reason that you wouldn’t be with me. Not that I would ever have a chance. But then after you yelled at me, I had this feeling that you cared about me and, if you could be so passionate about me being an idiot, that if I could be a better person and not try to sabotage everything good in my life, you could see I’m just a guy who wants to do nothing but be in your presence.