Perfectly Damaged

“You know, I’m starting to get a feeling you like to be barefoot outside,” he says.

I scowl at him, shake my head, and focus forward, not bothering to pay him any attention.

Logan chuckles. “How ‘bout you hop in and we can go for that ice cream you owe me?”

“I’m not in the mood for ice cream,” I say, deadpan.

“Even more reason why you should definitely go.”

“Can you just leave me alone?” I continue along. My thoughts are racing. What I need is a distraction and he is not helping right now.

“No.”

I stop and whip my head toward him. “No?”

He stares down at me as he sits up high in his truck, the whisper of a smile on his lips. “No. I’m not leaving you alone.”

“What do you want from me? What does anyone want from me?” Anger bubbles up from deep within. I tighten my jaw and clench my teeth. “I just want to be left alone. Is that so damn hard to ask?” I’m not sure where it came from exactly. I’m just frustrated. Logan shrugs once, one hand hanging casually out the window, while the other grips the steering wheel. His worn-out Phillies baseball cap hangs low over his eyebrows. The rim shadows his eyes, concealing any emotions within them, which means I can’t get a read on him at all. I hate it. Just effing hate it. “Would you take off that stupid hat?” I practically yell.

He laughs.

“What’s so fu

“You,” he says.

“Well,” crossing my arms, upset with myself for getting worked up—especially in front of him—I retort, “I’m glad I can entertain you. At least you’re a first.”

His lips tug into a lopsided grin. “Come on, Je

Now I laugh. I laugh because I’m exhausted. I laugh because I’m exasperated. And I laugh because I want to cry, but I don’t.

I shake my head, temporarily releasing all of the emotions bottled up within me. Fine. If I want to get away for a while, maybe he can distract me. Maybe he can help rid me of this ache, even for just an hour or so.

chapter 15

Logan

Watching Je

I make a mental note for next time to help her in and out of my truck.

Finally settled into the seat, she moves on to her next battle—this time with the seatbelt. She huffs and puffs a bit before clicking it in place and facing forward. Though she’s looking straight ahead and isn’t making a peep, it’s obvious she’s pissed off about something. I’m sure it has nothing to do with me because for the first time I haven’t done anything. My mother’s advice hums through my mind as I put the car in drive. She said when a woman is pissed, leave her alone to cool off, but never leave her side because if she’s in need of a hug, you’ll be the first person she’ll find. So I turn up the volume on my radio and allow my favorite band to fill the silence.

As I drive, Je

I love this fucking band. This band does that for me—every single time. The words and music course through me, and I have to sing along.

“Who’s this?” Je

“It’s City of Sound. They’re an indie rock band from Philly. You’ve never heard of them before?” I ask, completely shocked. They’re popular and have been around forever.

She shakes her head, her solemn gaze still stuck on my dashboard. “No.”

“Oh. Well they’re one of my favorite bands. This song is called ‘What’s the Point?’” The lyrics speak about life and whether it’s worth it. With all the fucked-up things we all go through, what’s the point of still living? There are times when you just want to give it all up. But then it goes on to say that maybe, just maybe, there’s a purpose in your life and that purpose could be sitting right next to you.

The light ahead of me flashes to red, and I take this time to study Je

“No. It’s just…the words. They’re dead-on. So dead-on. That’s all.”

I know exactly what she means. “I love their music. It’s always powerful, real, and raw. Their albums got me through some tough shit in my life. I can’t believe you’ve never heard of them.”

Je

“Ch-yeah!” She smiles at my response. “Do you want to hear one of my favorites?” She nods. I scan through the album on my radio until I find it. “This is ‘Rain on Me.’”

Her lips curl into a grin as the song starts. Listening intensely to the words, she leans back again, closes her eyes, and allows the music to just seep through. After the first verse, she starts bobbing her head side to side along with the beat. She’s enjoying it, feeling it. I can’t stop smiling. It’s like I’m listening to the words for the first time.

Je

I chuckle. Whatever was bothering her before isn’t on her mind now. “All right, here’s another one of my favorites.” I find the song and continue to drive.

“I can’t believe you didn’t let me pay,” Je

“I told you, it wouldn’t be fair to make you pay when you’re not in the mood for ice cream, so it’s my treat.” I wink, settling in a seat across from her.

“You think you’re just so smart, don’t ya?”

“Well, I didn’t get the highest SAT scores out of my entire senior class for nothing.”

“Really?” she asks.

“No,” I confess. “I had a terrible score.” Je