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I cringe. "Can we please talk about something else?"
Lori and Chelsea look at each other, grab hands, and scream, "SKITTLES VODKA!"
DO NOT #6: DO NOT listen when football players tell you adding skittles to vodka makes it less strong and more like candy. It will still fuck you up.
Chelsea screams, "No, wait! I have one. Remember the night we made her wear the do not buy me shots button to the bar? Ohmigawd, that night was classic!"
DO NOT #7: DO NOT EVER let your friends make you wear a button to the bar that says DO NOT BUY ME SHOTS. This button is like having a beacon on your body that says DO buy me shots, because there are boys out there with that Christopher Columbus attitude. They want to go to new frontiers, explore new worlds, and shit. And those types of boys will want to discover exactly what happens when you do. And without going into detail here, trust me, it's not pretty.
Lori laughs some more. "What about the slutty hot tub video?"
"We don't need to talk about that," I say, laughing and covering my face in fake shame. That night was really fun.
DO NOT #8: DO NOT let a bunch of your best friend's fraternity brothers talk you into seeing how many guys you could fit in the hot tub with. Just say no and go to bed. And if you can't say that, try to say no when they get out the cooking oil and rub everyone down with it, thinking that will allow more people to fit. I'm telling you, if there is enough Jaegermeister involved, anything is possible. And if you do all this anyway, then at least DO NOT let someone record the process and post it on YouTube. No matter what, it's go
Katie grabs her laptop, finds the video, and plays it for everyone. They think it's hilarious.
I think I'll just have a little more wine.
It's at this point that I really wa
I sent him a text.
I figured I wouldn't get one back at all, but I guess it made me feel better knowing if he saw it, maybe he would think about me for just a minute between stuffing dollar bills down some chick's thong.
Me: Just wanted to say I love you and miss you. This is the first night I've spent away from you in almost three months.
I'm surprised by his immediate response.
Phillipbaby<3 I miss you and love you more.
Me: Are you having a lot of fun?
Phillipbaby<3 I'd be having more fun if I was with you.
Me: :) Me too!
Phillipbaby<3 Da
And I feel happy for the rest of the night.
The next morning, I'm buzzed awake by my phone and hear Phillip's sexy voice say, "Hey, Princess, you awake?"
"Kinda. Why are you up? Are you just getting in? Are you sick?"
"Naw, I got in around four, and why would I be sick?"
"Last night was your bachelor party. Aren't you supposed to be puking this morning? Or did you last night?"
"You know I don't like to get that drunk. There was a lot of shot drinking though, and it was pretty wild. But you know Da
"Define pretty wild."
Phillip chuckles. "The groom had lots of fun drinking and being stupid. He even greatly enjoyed the strip club, mostly cuz he was laughing so hard at Dillon and Cooper. But mostly, he was thinking about how much he misses his Princess. Did you and the girls have fun? Are you hanging?"
"Maybe a little."
"I figured. I miss you."
"I miss you more."
Da
Da
There's a knock at my door. I open it, and a concierge hands me a little gift bag. I set it on my bed and pull the outfit out.
What there is of it.
Me: OMG!!! Seriously??!!! I can't wear that!
Da
Me: Are you still drunk?
Da
Me: Let me guess, all you prescribe is cranberry and vodka?
Da
Me: I'm go
Da
Me: Did Phillip sleep with a stripper!!!!????
Da
Me: Did you??
Da
Me: Fine.
I go to the bar in our suite, pour myself a shot, say a prayer that Da
Me: Shots fired, Captain. Time for answers.
Da
Me: Yeahhhhh.
Da
Me: Da
Da
Me: Lori is go
Da
Me: OMG!! That's awesome, Da
Da
Me: Yeshhhh :)
Da
I put on the outfit. A minuscule black leather bustier, an even smaller thong, black fishnet thigh highs, and a matching leather mask to covers my eyes. I add a pair of black stripper heels I brought to wear to the club tonight.
Me: I'm NOT sending a picture! You're all about to see WAY more of me than you should! I can't believe you talked me into this! You do realize this could backfire horribly!
Da
Me: What if I see Phillip doing something with one of the stripper girls? What if he's not attracted to me? It could break us up. I don't think the bride belongs at the bachelor party.
Da
Me: What did he do? No, wait, I don't wa
Da