That Wedding

"No, we're not. He'd be offended by that."

"I don't think he'll be offended, honey. Phillip's a strong man. He'll want to earn his own money. He'll agree to it, don't worry."

He gets a big grin. "So I have a confession. There were some extra funds that we had from a small account and instead of adding them to the basic safe funds we put everything else in, I invested this in a more risky portfolio. You kids were buying mac computers and Apple seemed like the wave of the future, and then with the iphones and ipads, well, let's just say the little fund has done extremely well. I want you to use that money for your wedding. Your parents loved a good party. They would've wanted you to do it up big, and with this amount, you should be able to do just that."

I look at the printout he sets in front of me and am stu

"I think you should. Of course, it's your money. You don't have to spend it, but I really believe it's what your parents would want. Your dad used to talk about how he would surely cry when you got married. How he couldn't wait to walk you down the aisle someday. Well, providing you wanted to marry a good man. He pla

I smile at him. My eyes fill up with tears. It makes me feel good to hear him say that my dad would be happy I'm marrying Phillip. All I've ever wanted is to make my parents proud.

"Honey, I didn't mean to make you sad. I know the Mackenzies are great, but I'm sure you're wishing your parents were here with you for this."

"I really do. Honestly, that's why I was dragging my feet about pla

He covers my hand with his. "They're with you, JJ. You know they are, and so am I."

He takes a big drink then slowly puts his glass down. "However, there's something important I need to talk to you about."

I tilt my head, look at him, and try and figure out what else there is. Based on the tone of his voice, I think I heard the good news first. "Okay."

He points to the printout. "I'm holding this money hostage."

"What do you mean?"

"Your parents put me in charge of your trust for a reason. They wanted me to help you make good decisions. I take that job very seriously."

"I know you do." I wa

He hands me another piece of paper. "This is the money you currently have control of. It's what's left after paying for college, buying your car, and the downpayment on your condo. You recall, you had more than this, but put it back in the trust. So this is the available cash you have left until you turn twenty-five and gain full control."

"I know, but I thought you had discretion. Like I thought you could take money out of the trust for me if you thought it was necessary. I assumed that's how we'd pay for the wedding, right?"

"That is right. I have discretion. What you have in your control is a lot of money, but I don't think it will cover your dream wedding. And if you did use it for that, you'd probably have nothing else left."

"Right. That's why you're letting me use some of the trust money."

"Well, I might be."

"You might be?"

"Remember, I said I'm holding the wedding money hostage?"

"Uh, yeah."

"I heard that you don't want Pastor John to marry you. That you've refused to go to couple's counseling."

"Well, yeah. He wasn't very nice to me. There's no way I'm letting him marry us."

"The Mackenzies are very adamant about having him marry you. They feel your parents would've wanted it."

I tilt my head and look at him. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"When my parents died, did you think I needed counseling, or did you think I handled it well?"

He thinks about it for a second and straightens the napkin under his drink. "Maybe both. I think we were all shocked at how well you seemed to handle it. We kept wondering when you were going to breakdown. We worried that you were holding it all in. Not allowing yourself to grieve."

"I didn't hold it all in. The night of the funeral after everyone left, I went back to my house and lost it. Cried my eyes out. Phillip was there. He knows."

"What about after that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Da

I shake my head at him. "Not me. I just suck it up. Although, I did cry on stage when we got engaged, so you can't say I never cry."

"Okay, is it true that you've never visited their grave? Not once?"

His comment makes me feel really guilty, especially since he's looking at me in a way that makes me know he thinks I should have. Like I've been a bad daughter for not going. "Yeah," I say, "but I don't go there because I don't believe they're there. I believe they're in heaven."

Plus.

I can't go back there.

Thinking of their bodies buried in the dirt.

Um, no. Not going there.

EVER.

"What about hospitals? Is it also true that you didn't visit your best friend, Lori, when she had her appendix out?"

I start to fidget. I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about all this. I try to explain myself. "Um, it's true, but I had a test, and Lori was home the next day. I visited her there."

He nods his head at me. I can tell he sees right through me.

And I did kinda lie to everyone about the test.

I hate hospitals.

Nothing good happens there, at least for me, and I didn't wa

He smiles at me. "I'll always worry about you, you know?"

"I know, and I really appreciate it. Appreciate everything you've always done for me."

His smile turns to a grimace. "You may not feel that way after I tell you this. I agree that you should choose who marries you, but I'm going to insist you go to couple's counseling. All of us go through it. It's really a good thing. I know you and Phillip get along well, but being a couple is different from being friends. There are a lot of issues to deal with as a married couple. Marriage counseling helps prepare you for that. You're moving very fast, and I'm sure there are things you and Phillip have never discussed before, like money, budgets, life goals, how many kids you want, how to handle conflicts, things like that. So if you chose to go through couple's counseling with Pastor John, you can send me all the bills for the wedding. If you choose not to, then you'll have to pay for it on your own. I'm sorry if he upset you, honey, but I really believe your parents would agree with me on this."

"Did the Macs tell you that Pastor John said my parents abandoned me, and that's why I'm mad?"

"I heard that he asked if you ever felt abandoned. There's a big difference between the two."

I can't talk about this. I won't talk about it. There is no way in hell that I'm ever going to talk to Pastor John again, but I adore Mr. D. I won't be disrespectful. He's done too much for me, and I know he's been brainwashed by the Macs into thinking this is in my best interests.

I give him my best puppy dog eyes. They used to work on my dad when I was little. They probably won't work on him, but they can't hurt. "I'll talk to Phillip about it, but I'm pretty sure I'll be having a very small wedding now. Thanks for the wine."