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“I never said that!” Well, wait a minute, maybe I sorta did. “I mean if I did say it, it's not what I meant.”
Now he's staring at me like I'm psycho.
Probably, I am.
“Shit, Da
He continues the stone faced look at me.
“I thought you made out with Bobby?”
“Yeah, I did, and it was awful. AND I DON'T WANNA BE AWFUL!!!!”
Then I change directions in my thinking, trying to figure out a way to get him to teach me. So I say with a challenge, “Hmm, well maybe you can't do it, that's okay, I'll just go ask Phillip for help.”
“Hell, no,” he growls. “He has about as much experience in that department as you do. Fine. I'll help you.” He puts his hand up to his chin, thinking. “Hmmm. Come sit down.”
I sit cross-legged on his bed, facing him.
“Here. Take this.” He throws his pillow at me.
Ooh. Yum. It smells just like him.
But, uh, excuse me. I've already tried practicing on my pillow, and it was NO help!
“No, that won't work.” He quickly snatches the musky thing away from me. “Too big. I know, hold your hand up to your face,” he orders. “Kiss it.”
I look at him like he's nuts, but he shakes his head yes, so I hold my palm up in front of my face and push my lips into it.
“Turn sideways a bit, so I can see better,” he bosses, so I turn. “Okay, but your puckering is way too tight. You're not kissing your grandma, Jay.”
“No, worse,” I gripe, “I'm kissing my hand.”
He glares at me. I think I had better just do as he says.
“Just loosen your lips. Try again.”
This time I pucker my lips, but then try to make them loose. I glance over at him, my eyebrows raised in hope.
“Alright, now slightly open your mouth.”
I try to slightly open my mouth. “This feels ridiculous.”
“Hmm, is this really that important to you?”
“Uh, ye-ah. He's a senior! My entire reputation is at stake here.”
“Hmm, well okay then.” He jumps off his bed, shuts and locks his door, and turns off the light. There's plenty of light coming through his window from the streetlight, so I can still see him. But I must appear slightly alarmed because he says, “Look, I just don't want anyone walking in on this.”
He looks at me like he's a soldier being sent off to war, and I should be proud of his bravery and selflessness.
Actually, I am.
“Plus, you need to relax. Maybe in the dark you won't feel so stupid.” He plops back down on his bed next to me and continues, “Tilt your head slightly to the left.”
I tilt my head.
“Lick your lips, so they're not all dry.”
I lick.
“Stop smiling and close your eyes.”
I close them.
“Come on, Jay, I shouldn't have to tell you everything! Pucker those lips.”
I pucker.
“No! Not so tight.”
Then he touches my bottom lip with his finger, and I nearly jump off the bed, my eyes flying wide open as he's yelling at me, “LESSON NUMBER ONE! DON'T DO THAT! You scared the shit out of me. You have GOT to relax!”
Then he reaches out and puts his hands on both of my shoulders, feels that they are, in fact, extremely tense. “God, you're way tense!”
Puleeze, how could I not be?
I mean doesn't this whole effed up situation require some tension on my part?
“Sorry,” I breathe deep and shake my shoulders, but it doesn't help. I am still WAY tense.
Da
I can't help but melt….I mean, uh, relax.
“I know, let's try some positive visualization. Close your eyes again.” Then he speaks slowly in a hypnotic tone. “Alright, picture yourself at the movies with Ryan. So it's dark, the movie is playing—”
“Wait! What are we seeing?”
“Does it really matter?”
“Uh, yeah. If you want me to visualize, I need the whole picture.”
“Fine then, something scary, so you'll want to hang onto him.”
“Okay,” I nod and smile. “That sounds good.”
“So at the scary movie, he puts his arm around your shoulder.” Da
I like this visualization stuff. I pretend my hand is Ryan and start to give it a good kiss, but then I think about how ridiculous I must look and start laughing again.
Da
I keep my eyes shut tight and bite my lip while Da
I giggle again.
I can't help it! I really can't!
“Oh, screw it,” he says.
I open my eyes and watch him shake his head at me. “This is just too hard to explain.”
I am ready to scream, I'll stop laughing, please, please, please don't give up on me, when he pulls me toward him and covers my mouth with his.
Oh. My. Gosh.
He's kissing me!
Da
And wow, practical knowledge. This is even better!
He kisses me with soft lips and a slightly opened mouth.
Oh.
He is a good kisser.
I kiss him back.
Then he taps my hand impatiently.
I take it I'm supposed to do something.
Why am I here again?
Oh yeah, the tongue thing.
I cautiously stick my tongue out, and somehow he grabs the bottom of it with his tongue and sort of sucks on it.
Oh, my, that's nice.
He taps me again.
I stop for a second because I'm not real sure what to do. But then Da
I think I'm kind of getting the hang of this.
And, WOW! It feels really good.
Obviously this is the right way to do it. I knew Bobby Robinson didn't have a clue.
Da
I never knew learning could be so much fun!
All of a sudden, I hear something.
But it's hard to be concerned about a stupid random noise when Da
But then I hear something else, and my brain awakens.
I tear my lips away from Da
The clock says 9:30. 9:30?
Wait. What?
9:30?
9:30???!!!!
That can't be right!
When I left home it was 7:30!
Could I have been making out with Da
Shit!!!!!!!!!
Are Da
Da
And I swear to God, she must have literally apparated from the garage because in less than an instant, she is at his door trying to open it.
But it's locked.
She tries the handle again and says, “Da
Da
He seems way too cool about this. He gives me his Devil Da
And I don't know why, maybe I am slightly high from kissing Da
Da