That Boy

I look at his eyes because surely he must be joking, but he appears very serious.

“Fine,” I say, temporarily giving in and avoiding the love topic. “I'll go out with you sometime. Where do you want to go?”

“Mexico.”

“Mexico?”

“Yeah, trial run. If it doesn't work out, no one needs to know. We'll just come back to the way things are now,” he adds, scowling.

“How's that?” I ask puzzled.

“You torturing and teasing me and then walking away.”

“I don't do that!”

“You did last night.”

“Phillip, don't you get it? I don't want to lose you. You're my family, my only family. I'd be alone if it weren't for you.” I swear I'm about ready to cry. My eyes start tearing up, and I choke out, “Why can't you get this?”

“You're not going to lose me,” He runs his hand through my messy hair and down the side of my face.

Oh, that feels so good. I melt slightly and close my eyes for a minute.

“How can you say that? How can you be so sure?” I question. “You know my history. I always lose the guy!”

“Yeah, well that's because they're always the wrong guy.”

“And you think you're the right one?”

“Yeah. I do. I'm the one,” he says, pointing to his chest.

I picture him as Tarzan. Me. Take you. Jane.

Then I focus back to what he is saying.

“I've been here for you all along. I've listened to you cry about other guys, I rescue you, take care of you when you're sick, hug you when you're sad, tell you you're beautiful when you look terrible.” He looks me straight in the eyes and is dead serious when he says, “Princess, I've always been the one.”

I give up.

“I know,” I sigh. “So Mexico, huh? And you promise if it doesn't work out or we fight, we agree to pretend it never happened?”

“What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico,” he says, with a twinkle in his eye and a big smile on his face.

“Let me think about it,” I say diplomatically.

He takes the coffee cup away from me and sets it on my nightstand. “While you're at it, think about this.”

Then he leans in and kisses me right on the lips.

Very thoroughly.

I can't help but kiss him back. I completely relax, all defense slipping away.

Damn.

Then he stops, gets up and walks out my door without another word.

Wow.

And he's right because I can't seem to think about anything else.

Finals are over, we've all managed to graduate, and I'm on the beach in Cancun, Mexico. Phillip and I are walking hand in hand in the moonlight.

It's a very romantic setting.

I can hear the sound of the ocean lapping onto the beach. The moonlight is shimmering off the water and in the sky.

It even feels romantic.

The sand is rough between my toes, and the water keeps coming up onto the beach to caress my bare feet.

Phillip stops and kisses me, and it's really wonderful.

When I kiss Phillip, I feel like I'm home, like I'm exactly where I belong. It's a weird, and wonderful, and very scary feeling.

Maybe he's right. Maybe I am in love with him.

If only I weren't so afraid of losing him.

“Stop thinking so much,” he says, reading my mind. “Where is Miss Spontaneous when I need her? Any other time and you'd be dancing on the beach, making out with the guy. Do me a favor, Princess, relax and enjoy this.”

I try to relax, and I have to admit the kisses help.

I can tell Phillip would like there to be more going on than kissing, but every time he presses the issue, I feel myself pulling back.

I am just not ready.

The next morning, IT'S AMAZING because Da

Typical.

“So how did it go with Phillip last night?” He raises his eyebrows up and down, hoping to hear some juicy details.

“Well, we kissed”

“And….?”

“And….that's it.”

Da

“Da

“I do understand, but it kind of seems like you're looking for excuses.” He studies me closely. “You're not letting what happened between us affect you on this? Are you?”

“Oh, you mean the it would ruin us part? Um, yeah. That's the part that scares me the most.”

He is still shaking his head at me, so I say, “You don't think if I go out with Phillip, it will ruin our friendship?”

“No, I don't. I think it will enhance your friendship. Surely you understand what different people Phillip and I are. Hmm, I guess maybe now might be a good time to confess.”

“Confess what?”

He runs his hand through his hair and sighs, “I was so afraid of you on Prom night, I literally drank myself sick.”

“You were afraid of me?”

“Well, I was afraid of what I, we, might do. I mean I really wanted you, Jay, and I have to admit there have been many times that I've kicked myself for not going for it.” He tilts his head and looks at me, “But I didn't want to take advantage of you. I mean you'd been through so much in such a short time. Jake. Your parents. Combine that with the fact that it would've been your first time. I don't know. It just didn't seem like the right thing to do. I was afraid you would regret it and hate me. I just couldn't live with that.”

“Did you know that I wanted you to take advantage of me?”

“Yeah, I kinda did. Why do you think I was scared shitless? You can be very persuasive, Jay. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to say no.”

“Why didn't you just tell me?” I shake my head, trying to comprehend this. “Wait, that's not right. That night, you wanted it too. I saw the condom by the bed!”

“Yeah, well at that point I was drunk and not thinking with my head. Thank God, I passed out because I think it would have ruined us. At that point in your life, you needed stability, not fun. You and I both know the times in college when we hooked up a little, it was always just for fun.”

“That and your win record,” I tease him. “So what makes you think it will work with Phillip? I'm serious, Da

“Well, there's something else I should probably tell you.” He leans across the table and says softly, “Prom night, when we all slept together, I woke up before you did. Guess what I saw?”

“I don't know. Did I look gross? Was I drooling?”

“No, silly, you're adorable when you sleep. What I saw, was you all snuggled up with Phillip. He had his arm wrapped around you. Your head was on his chest. And that's when it hit me. I think even when we were little, I knew you two had a special bond, something I wasn't part of. I'll even admit that it was kind of a blow to my ego, but it worked out okay. It made it easier for me to tell you what I did. I mean, I knew we'd never last romantically, we're too much alike, but I also knew you'd be fine.” He looks at me pointedly, “Because of Phillip.”

He leans back in his chair and continues, “Christ, you two are perfect for each other. You're already like an old married couple anyway. You just don't get any of the fun benefits…..And I know you like the fun benefits.” He raises his eye brows up and down at me on the word know.