That Boy

I nod yes.

“I see a perfect pass, a perfect catch, and two perfect friends. When I first went to college, I wasn't throwing well. Probably trying too hard instead of just doing it. But I couldn't figure out what was wrong, why things weren't easy anymore. I talked to the team shrink, and he asked me if I'd ever used positive visualization. Of course I had. In B-ball, Coach K was always telling us to picture ourselves making every shot at night before we went to sleep. In fact, our team motto was If you can dream it, you can do it. And in high school, whenever I was flustered or out of sync, I would just picture myself throwing to you and Phillip in the yard. It relaxed me. I realized I hadn't been doing that or having much fun playing lately. He told me to focus on a time I threw a perfect pass and to picture that in my mind when I start to get out of sync.”

He pauses and points to the picture in my hand.

“This is the picture I visualize. When I think of us playing catch, I relax and have fun with the game. I'm on target.”

I raise one eyebrow at that boy. “All the millions of times we've played catch and I have to be in a bikini in this visual? Isn't there something kind of sick and twisted in that?”

“Maybe,” he laughs. “I'll never forget the first time Phillip and I saw you in that bikini. You had been laying out, and you were covered in oil. I think I had to bribe you to come play catch with us. But man, when you walked through that gate in that bikini, glistening in the sun, Phillip and I both just stood there in shock. I think it was the first time I really realized you were a girl, a hot girl.” He smirks at me, “Well, and maybe a bit during your kissing lessons.”

“Lesson,” I remind him. Only one.

“I know I was sure jealous when you asked if we thought Jake would like it. If I remember right, Phillip practically told you it looked awful. He didn't want you wearing it for Jake either.”

He pauses and grins, “I kinda have a thing for that bikini, and well, the American flag in general now, as a matter of fact.”

Then he catches me by surprise and pulls me into a wonderful, sweet and way too short kiss. He shakes his head at me, like he just can't decide what to do and says, “Last night, I, um......., God, this is way harder than I thought it would be.”

I am about to make a naughty joke about what might be harder than it should be and suggest we maybe check it out in my bedroom. But as I am about to open my mouth, he pulls me into his arms and kisses me again, and for once in my life, I don't say a thing.

I am so proud of my restraint.

Maybe I will reward myself with some chocolate later.

We lay there, wrapped in each others arms for awhile, before he speaks again.

“I think you're awesome, Jay,”

I hear a big BUT coming….

“But I don't think we should date.”

I knew it. Fuck.

“Why?”

He sighs. “Part of me thinks we'd be great together, but I know we'd fight. You know how we fight.”

“Yeah, I know how we fight,” I laugh. “Da

“There isn't one - that's the point. I have enough challenge in other areas of my life. With the girls I date, I just want simple, smooth and easy.” His hand goes out in front of him, making a calm water gesture.

“Easy to get along with or just plain easy?”

“Both is good,” he laughs. “But either way, not words I would use to describe you. Oh, I don't know,” he shakes his head, “a lot could happen. But I do know this. If we dated, it would ruin the picture. Probably ruin my game.”

Football. There's the real reason!

Doesn't that just suck!

Then he adds sweetly, “But most importantly, I'm afraid it would ruin us. I love you, Jay. I love our friendship,” he shakes his head and closes his eyes, “and I really, really, don't want to do anything to screw it up.”

Figures.

The one nice guy I try to date is too nice.

Thank God he passed out last night, and we didn't have sex.

“Da

I'm totally lying, I could so handle a relationship with Da

Especially now.

He kisses me on the cheek and gets off the hammock, being careful not to tip me. “You know you love me.”

“Yeah, I know. And you're damned lucky I do.”

Cuz he is.

“Here's a thought,” he adds seriously.

“Yeah?”

“You'd be good with Phillip.”

And with that, he left.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

The rest of my senior year flew by. I slowly adjusted to not having my parents around, but it was hard. Sadly, what they say is true. Life does go on all around you, whether you want it to or not. I'm trying to take it day by day. Some are better than others because I have this constant empty ache inside of me, but I keep going. Phillip and Da

Choosing the University of Nebraska as my college was pretty much a no-brainer. It has a beautiful campus, outstanding academics and well, the Huskers. I mean I couldn't imagine myself at another school, going to a football game and cheering for their team. Especially now that Da

I'm living in a dorm with a pretty cool roommate, at least she seems that way so far. We went through rush together and even though we pledged different sororities, we are getting along well. We have similar backgrounds, having both grown up in small towns. We like boys and clothes, and thank God, she hates mornings almost as much as I do.

Oh, and newsflash….I've started going by my real name, Jadyn, instead of JJ. I think it sounds much more mature.

Phillip blew out his knee playing basketball this past summer and isn't going to walk-on the Husker football team as originally pla

At least I hope it's wild!

Phillip's frat is hosting a party tonight, and evidently most fraternity parties have some kind of theme. Some of the themed parties they're hosting this year are: Secs and Execs (everyone dresses up as business people), Get Lei-d (obviously a Hawaiian party), Heaven and Hell (where's Mary Beth Parker when you need her?), Around the world (which has something to do with drinking a different shot in every room of the frat house), and of course, the timeless favorite, Toga.

This one is called Frosh Frenzy.