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God, this sucks.
First, I was confused about whether to do it with Jake, then I FINALLY make the decision, and he does this.
I officially need to give up on him.
Granted, I probably should have a long time ago, but God, what am I go
What am I go
Oh well, yeah, still Phillip, but I mean before that?
All right. Decision time.
What am I going to do?
I need options.
Okay.
Option One.
Go in there, make a scene, punch him in the face, and tell him off. Phillip would like that option, well, except for the fact that he wants to be the one to punch Jake. Either would probably make me feel good, but unfortunately, sometimes when I get mad, I start crying. And if I cry, Jake will think he hurt me, and I can't have that.
Option Two.
Ignore him, like he is of no interest to me. Then wait and see what he does.
Hmmm.
Maybe?
Option Three.
Listen to Phillip, call it a night and go home.
Shit.
All options suck!
Okay.
Here's what I'll do. I'll hang out with my friends and completely ignore Jake. I'll act like I'm having a good time and see if he comes and talks to me.
I'll listen to my friends bash Jake, maybe get good and drunk, then go home and cry on Phillip's shoulder, as usual.
The walk to the car is difficult because it's pretty dark now and hard to see the ground.
I'm trying to walk sexy, but nonchalant, you know, in case there are any college boys looking my way, while thinking about Jake at the same time. But when you walk in a cornfield, you really do have to focus on where you are going, especially in four inch heels, or you will trip on a clod of dirt or an old, dried up cornstalk and fall flat on your face.
Finally, I make it to the car.
Now what?
I am cold. I am MAD and SAD and HURT and EMBARRASSED. I feel stupid, I am mad and…
Is that normal?
Can anyone normal feel this many emotions all at once?
And here's the big question.
Reality Check Point.
Am I upset because I loved Jake or because he dumped me?
Shit. Think, JJ!
Da
Figures.
I lean my back up against the car and take a deep cleansing breath. You're go
Da
“Gee thanks, I think I know that now.”
“Just be done with him for good this time, okay? He doesn't deserve you.” He studies my face. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I think so.” Then I whine, “Could he not have had the decency to a least break up with me first? And did he have to pick a total slut to rub my face in it? Why would he do this to me?”
But in my mind, I think I already know the answer.
Simple, really.
Because I wouldn't do it with him.
Cuz I mean seriously, what girl in this day and age would make a guy wait that long? What is wrong with me?
Da
EXCUSE ME! I know we are friends and all, but do we really need to discuss this?
This is my virginity here. I should have a little privacy, I think.
But I sigh and say, “No, not yet.”
I sigh again and realize that at least I can talk to Da
Hell, Da
Phillip, on the other hand, got upset with me for even considering doing it with Jake.
“Oh, Da
All in one big jumble.
“We haven't YET, but he has been bugging me about it SO much. EVERY TIME we go out, it ends in a FIGHT because I say no, and he gets pissed. So of course, I'm CONSTANTLY thinking about it, and I finally decide, hell, why not do it? Why keep waiting? So guess what Da
I take a big gulp of air, slump up against the car, and look up at the star-filled sky.
SHIT.
I can't believe I just said all that.
Da
He moves in a little closer.
A lot closer, actually.
I'm about to say something else, but as I open my mouth to speak, he puts a finger up to my lips to shush me and says, “Jay,” in the sexiest way.
Then he kisses me.
And OH MY GOD.
The boy can kiss.
He can so kiss.
I had almost forgotten how good he could kiss. I swear, I can feel it all the way down to my toes and in some other very interesting places in between. And I think I get it. God, I could let him kiss me forever, and I'm pretty sure I would let him do just about anything else.
I NEVER EVER felt like this with Jake. Maybe that's why I've been holding back.
Then, damn it, he stops, and thinking out loud, I say, “Well doesn't that just suck?”
“Huh?”
“Oh. Sorry. Not you, you're great, Da
And then with a gasp of realization, I throw my hand up over my mouth and say, “Oh God, did it rub off on me? Have I become a terrible kisser too?”
Like I need something else to worry about.
Da
Wow! When did that happen, and why did I not notice it before?
He's grown up.
A lot.
He pulls me back in close. “Well, I can't be sure,” he laughs. “The line judge didn't have a clear view, the side judge over there was watching the cheerleaders, and since there's no instant replay available,” he shrugs his shoulders and tilts his head, “I'm just go
Real original, Mr. Smooth, but I like it.
“You're a cheater,” I say.
“Better than being a liar,” he fires back.
And then he kisses me again, except this time it's even better because there are no thoughts in my mind about Jake.
I mean, Jake who?
Eventually, to my dismay, he stops kissing me. I bite the edge of my lip and say nervously, “So what's the call?”
I get the kind of intense look that is usually reserved for a football. “You kiss fine. Better than fine, actually. Uh, how 'bout we go get a drink?”
Uh, no. How about we just stay here and drown my sorrows in your kisses?