That Boy

He laughs at me.

Quite possibly because my chances of kicking his buff ass are very slim indeed. But since I could do it when we were young, I cling to idea that I still could.

He finds this humorous and told me recently that he would love nothing more than for me to try. Of course then Da

“Enough of your girl problems. Mark called me tonight and wants to hang out Saturday.”

Mark was a hot coworker of mine at my short-lived attempt at waitressing. He's 19, in college, and totally hot. Did I mention that? Thick wavy blonde hair, big muscles, great body, hot car. He's what Lisa would call a Trifecta.

Hot guy. Hot bod. Hot car. Trifecta, baby.

Unfortunately, he only seems to see me as his cute little work friend.

Yeah, it blows.

But I'm totally infatuated with the guy. I can't help it.

Whenever he calls, I drop everything and change all my plans in order to go hang out with him.

Last time, I even ditched my new boyfriend, Dillon. And Da

Unfortunately, it HAS been just a friend thing.

Until last time, that is.

And this time, he asked me to go out to di

“What should I do, Phillip? I'm kinda supposed to go to a movie with Dillon.”

“Kind of?”

“Okay, we have a date,” I reply curtly.

“So what'd ya tell Mark?”

“Um, that I'd let him know,” I lie.

“You know, I don't know why you always jump every time that guy calls, and then when he doesn't call, you get all depressed. What's that line he always says?”

I sigh. “When you least expect it, expect it.”

“Yeah, what the hell does that mean anyway?”

We've been over this many times before, but I reply, “It means just when I'm at the end of my rope waiting to hear from him, and close to believing I'll never hear from him again, that's when he calls.”

And he does. He's got it down to an exact science.

“I'm just saying, that isn't exactly the best way to treat a girl you like.”

“That's the problem, Phillip, we're just friends, so it's not like I can complain about it.”

“I thought you kissed him last time you went out,” Phillip says, referring to my just friends status.

Uh, yeah. And I've been reliving it every night and during all my classes for the past few weeks. He was such a good kisser. And it was perfect, exactly how I had imagined it. I had thought, this is it. He wants me, we'll be together and it will be amazing.

Then.

One week.

No call.

I told myself that if he didn't call in two more days, I would never speak to him again.

Then.

Two weeks.

Still no call.

By now, I'd given up hope of ever hearing from him again and convinced myself that it was just a dream. I also decided if he did ever call that I might speak to him, but only to make sure he was still alive because I am a concerned citizen. But after that, I was going to give that boy a piece of my mind!

Finally after two weeks and three days, he called and asked me to di

I'm so dumb.

Hey wait a minute, I know Phillip never forgets anything, but I don't recall telling him this juicy piece of information. I haven't even told Lisa. I was keeping it to myself.

Hoarding it.

Plus, I seriously didn't want Da

“Uh,” I stammer, unsure how to answer.

“No, you didn't tell me he kissed you,” he says, reading my mind.

I swear he can sometimes.

“I saw him all over you when he dropped you off.”

“Phillip, were you spying on me?”

“Actually, no,” he says in a believable tone. “I was seeing if your light was on.”

Sure.

“Philllippp, what should I do?”

“What you should do is tell him you're busy, for once. But what you're go

Okay, so the boy has me figured out. And he's right. That is what I'll do, but how can I help it?

Hot guy. Hot bod. Hot car. Trifecta. Triple Threat.

“So what are you go

“Well, I already kinda said yes,” I say, telling the truth this time.

“Told you. You're hopeless! Night, Princess.”

“Night, Phillip.”

I go to bed, thinking of Mark and willing myself to have a juicy dream about him. But instead, I have some warped one where Phillip rescues me from Mark's car because Mark has turned into some evil werewolf / vampire creature.

Bizarre.

Oh and my date on Saturday with Mark didn't go so well. I suppose my dream should have been an indication of what was to come. It seemed Mark decided, unbeknownst to me, that he wanted to be more than just friends.

A LOT MORE!

He took me parking before di

Maybe I'll just give up on boys.

Okay, maybe not.

I mean they're just so cute!

Today is the perfect day for laying out in the sun. It's almost 80 degrees, and there is a soft cool breeze. I don't plan on wasting a day like today! So I'm in my room putting on my new swimsuit. I'm really excited about this suit. It's my first real bikini. I've always worn a 2-piece, but they were a more athletic cut. This is one of those wonderful, skimpy, stringy things. I've never bought a stringy bikini because I've always looked stupid in them. Let's face it, you've got to have a figure to wear a suit like this. I've never had much of a figure, unless you consider the shape of a board an attractive figure. Yes, I've heard all the sayings.

“Flat as a pancake.”

“String bean.”

“Toothpick.”

“Tall drink of water.”

“Bean Pole.”

That's one I don't really get. I mean I understand the bean part, and the pole part, but what is a bean pole anyway? You'd think beings I'm from a place where beans grow in fields and that I have actually walked beans, that I would know, but I don't. Speaking of walking beans, I truly believe Congress needs to step in and enact some child endangerment legislation against that job.

Have you ever walked beans?

It's the most disgusting thing on earth. I lasted one day, well half a day, really. I just couldn't see mucking around in the mud and the sun with all the bugs, chopping down weeds with a scythe.

Yes, a scythe.

Do you know what a scythe is? It's like a huge, sharp, curved pirate sword.

And they hand them out to kids!

I am very fortunate that I didn't chop off one of my legs, while cutting down those stubborn weeds. That or the guy's leg in the row next to me. And I have to tell you, when you think weeds, you think maybe a few here and a few there, like at home in your landscaping. But NO, there are about a gazillion weeds in each row. And these weeds aren't just little things either, but often times are corn stalks. And it takes a lot of work to chop just one of them down. And I swear, each bean row must be, at a minimum, several hundred miles long.