Adore Me

“Dirt.”

“You got me dirt?” I ask incredulously.

He grins, his green eyes sparkling. “Yes. To build our mansion of love on.”

I try to pretend his reference to our love mansion doesn’t affect me, even though it makes me completely melt inside. I manage to give him a chuckle and say, “It’s go

He laughs too, then looks at me seriously. “It’s symbolic dirt. It also means a fresh start.” He sets the dirt down on the floor between us, then puts his hand on the wall above my shoulder, boxing me in like he’s done before. “I don’t care if everything we’ve told each other up until this point is a lie. We start over. Here. Today. This second. Both of us. On fresh dirt.”

I can’t speak. I can only look down at the jar of dirt—the non-sand dirt—and wonder how in the world he could possibly know the one thing that I so desperately need.

I’m lost in thought when he takes my hands in his, brings them to his lips, and asks gently, “Boots?”

Tears flood my eyes as my heart overrides my brain. I stare at the jar of dirt and say longingly, “I really want dirt.”

“You want dirt?” Peyton asks loudly from behind us. “Are you serious? I told him that was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Aiden turns and glares at her.

She responds by miming zipping her lips and throwing away the key.

He turns back toward me and puts his forehead against mine. “We both need dirt. Please let me come with you.”

Damn the gods, damn fate, damn everybody.

But I find myself nodding.

Nodding and crying.

I may not be able to give him my love, but I can give him the one thing I couldn’t give anyone else.

Closure.

I'll let him come with me. I'll tell him on the island that I can't go back to Eastbrooke. That my mom is making me go to Vancouver or something. That maybe we can stay in touch. And if I survive my face-off with Vincent, maybe, someday, I could see him again and tell him the truth.

And I know it’s selfish, but maybe there will even be a few more take-my-breath-away moments before I put him on the plane and send him back to school without me.

I’ll tuck those moments away with the other ones I’ve had in my life and carry them with me while I fight Vincent.

The moments of a life that used to be.

His own eyes are teary as he uses his thumbs to brush away my tears. “Is that a yes?”

“Aiden?”

“What, baby?”

“I don’t want to start over. Not completely. We’ve had too many amazing moments to forget.”

The smile that spreads across his face could light up the heavens. It’s full of emotion.

He hugs me tighter and gives me a kiss.

A true love, fairy tale kind of kiss.

But I don’t want to hurt him again.

“There’s a lot going on in my life that you don’t know about. I was actually looking forward to being alone. Trying to sort things out.”

“There’s a lot we need to talk about, but I’ll give you whatever space you need.”

“Fine. I’ll let you and Peyton come with me.”

“Good,” he says, still ru

“Okay. So, uh, I should probably tell the attendant we’re ready to go.”

“Okay,” he says, but he doesn’t let me go.

He kisses me again.

After a long kiss, I let the flight attendant know that we’re ready.

We get buckled into our seats and prepare for takeoff.

Peyton scrunches up her nose. “So, you liked the dirt?”

I let out a little chuckle. “No one but me would’ve liked the dirt.”

She nods as she puts earbuds in, hits some music on her phone, and then leans back and closes her eyes. The flight attendant gives her a blanket right before we take off and she snuggles under it.

I grab my phone out of my bag and hold it up in front of Aiden’s face. All of a sudden, I feel strong enough to know what he said.

He takes it out of my hand, turns it off, and puts it in his pocket. “You have to turn your phone off now.”

After we get to cruising altitude, I ask for it back.

He shakes his head at me. “No, I’m deleting them.”

“But I wa

“I’d rather tell you. On the island, in front of the ocean; preferably after a couple tropical drinks.”

“That bad?”

“Well, they started out with me trying to explain. Trying to understand. But then, toward the end, I’d say I was probably sounding pretty pathetic and desperate.” He shakes his head and smiles at me. “I don’t want to ruin my reputation.”

I watch as he scrolls through my phone, frowning, shaking his head, and occasionally rolling his eyes at what he wrote. “Pathetic,” he says, pressing buttons and deleting messages. When he’s finished, he hands me back my phone. “Only left one,” he says, putting his lips on my neck and grazing it with every syllable. “The most important one.”

I look down at my phone and read.

Hottie God:  I’m not giving up on us. I can’t give up on us. 

I’m really glad he can’t see the emotion that’s written across my face as I read. I close my eyes tightly and try to forget that in a few short days he’s going to have to do just that.

“Do you care if I lie down and rest for a bit?” he asks.

“Uh, no. Go ahead,” I tell him, but I’m not prepared for what he does. He stretches his long body out on the couch and puts his head in my lap.

I can’t stop my fingers from ru

He closes his eyes and quickly starts breathing heavily.

I remember when he was asleep in Bryce’s room the night I saw his note, Why should I bother? And his answer, Because she felt it too. Back then I didn’t think he was talking about me. Now, I think he was.

Oh, I never should’ve let him stay on this plane.

Telling him goodbye is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Right up there with leaving my family and B.

But I’ll just have to put on my big girl panties and do it. I want us to have an ending. I want him to be able to move on. To not have things up in the air the way they are with B.

I kiss his forehead, close my eyes, and try not to cry.

A few hours later, Peyton wakes up, stretches her arms above her head, unbuckles herself, and then comes to sit down next to me.

“We’re a fun crowd, huh? I’m sorry I fell asleep.” She looks down at Aiden sleeping in my lap. “He hasn't been sleeping much. Neither of us have.”

“Why haven't you been sleeping?”

“What you did with Whitney. Sitting with her when no one else would. That's the kind of girl I used to be. I never wanted anyone to feel left out. I got so wrapped up in myself, it's embarrassing.”

“Don’t be embarrassed. When I told you it would backfire on you, I was speaking from experience.”

“What happened?”

“Same deal. I started to worry more about my status than about people. I didn't like the way my best friend was behaving, so I decided to break away and make my own group. But I didn't go about it the right way. I didn’t choose those friends very wisely. My big coup was throwing a skip-school party and not inviting her. She ended up sitting at lunch alone while we were sharing party pics. It didn’t even really affect her, but I screwed up a friendship that was important to me, caused one of my friends to get drugged, and became a bigger bitch than she was. And even after that, she still helped me.”

“We talked,” she says, referring to Whitney.

“How'd it go?”

“Okay. I apologized for being an ass all year. I know she's always held that stuff over my head, but it’s been a long time since she's threatened to use it. Probably just my own insecurities. I was shocked she did that to Chelsea. She’s never done something like that for anyone. It’s always been for herself.”