Love Me

“We need to get to class. What time is it?”

He pulls his phone out of his pocket. “Shit. It’s one.”

“We slept half the day!”

“Best. Day. Ever.”

I giggle. “You’re right. It has been fun. And I’m relaxed. Did I tell you that Cosmo said that I don’t have to choose?”

“Choose what? New shoes?”

“No, between boys. It said if I can’t choose, it’s because I’m not ready to.”

“Yes, you told me on the train. I say we choose not to go to our classes today. ”

“I have to go to soccer or I’ll get in trouble. Coach Steele is trying to kill us.”

“He’s a beast. Have you seen him lifting weights?”

“Uh, no, have you? And why didn’t you call me?”

“I somehow doubt he wants all you girls drooling over him when he’s trying to get in a workout.”

“Still, you should’ve called me. I’m go

“I’m go

I’ll let fate decide.

3:40pm

I’m the last one in the dance locker room. As I pull my bag out of my crammed locker, a quarter rolls out and falls onto the floor.

I pick it up off the floor and study it.

I’m pretty sure the universe is trying to speak to me.

Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll let fate decide. I will flip this coin, and whatever it tells me, I will do.

Heads, I choose Dawson and do not look back. I’ll enjoy our easy, lusty-love relationship and won’t worry about the future.

Tails, because they sorta look like a clover, is Aiden. If fate lets it land on tails, I will give up hot sex and tongue kisses and take another chance on love.

I toss the coin high into the air.

All of a sudden, all I can see is Aiden’s face. I pray to the love and hottie gods that it lands tails up.

I want Aiden.

I really do.

It drops on the ground and rolls across the floor.

Maggie walks in, sees the coin rolling, and says, “Oh, I’ll get that.”

“Don’t touch it!” I scream at her.

“Okay,” she says, backing away.

The coin rolls in front of her feet and then under the bench. I plop down on my hands and knees, chasing it as it rolls.

“What the hell are you doing?” She looks at me like I’m a maniac.

“I tossed a coin, so I could decide between Dawson and Aiden.”

“Why would you leave a decision like that to chance?”

“It’s not chance. It’s fate.”

The quarter stops rolling, stands on its side, spins, and then falls to the ground.

I pick it up. Look at it.

Maggie asks impatiently. “Well, what is it?”

“It’s heads.”

“Who’s heads?”

“Dawson. Shit.”

“Why shit? Dawson is H, O, double T, hot.”

I pace back and forth in front of her. “Because my grandpa told me when the coin is up in the air, I’d know who I want. I want Aiden. What the hell just happened? What happened to fate? I thought it was fate that I met Aiden here. That I kicked a soccer ball at his face. He tells me it’s fate that we’re going to be together. How am I supposed to align my life with fate, when I can’t even trust it to get a stupid coin toss right?” I grab Maggie’s shoulders, my eyes full of panic. “Is fate trying to tell me Aiden is wrong for me?”

Maggie grabs my shoulders. “You need to get ahold of yourself. My dad says coin tosses are a game of chance. I don’t think they’re a test of fate. Besides, everyone knows you always do two out of three.”

“They don’t do that when they start the football games.”

“Boys are dumb. Just do it. Hold the quarter in your hand, think Who should I be with, and then toss it in the air.

“Who should I be with?” I say and flip the quarter into the air. Once again, I see Aiden’s face, so I will the coin to land on tails.

It rolls directly in front of Maggie’s feet.

“I can’t look at it. What is it?”

“It’s tails! Aiden! You did good, Keatyn. Okay, one more time.”

She tosses me the coin. I flip it again, think the same things, but then Dawson’s adorable face bursts into my thoughts. I see him sitting on the brick wall waiting for me, that first day back at school after the Hamptons.

The coin lands.

“Heads,” she says.

Dawson.

“Wait! This is all wrong. I shouldn’t be throwing it. I’m too confused. Who do you think I should be with?”

“I don’t know. I used to think Dawson, but now I think Aiden. Mostly, I just want you to be happy.”

I give her a hug. “That’s exactly what I need! You need to toss the coin and think, I want Keatyn to be happy.”

“I can do that,” she says excitedly.

“No two out of three. Just one toss, okay?”

“Okay, let me think . . . here goes.”

She tosses the coin up into the air. It hits the ceiling, bounces down on the bench, and then rolls off it.

“Heads,” Maggie says. “It’s Dawson.”

So easily destroyed.

6:50pm

Before rehearsal starts, one of the actors is on stage messing around. He stands up straight and tall, holds his fist against his chest, and quotes from Hamlet: “To be, or not to be, that is the question.”

But I hear something else. To choose, or not to choose, that is the question.

I’m pretty sure in Hamlet, he was trying to decide if he should kill himself. While I’m trying to figure out if I should kill a relationship.

Aiden sits down next to me, the feather still hanging from his backpack.

Should I listen to the coin-toss fate and choose Dawson?

“You know, we never did talk about your ceramics project.”

“That’s because you were mad at me.”

“Boots, I want to build a framework with you. Do you still want that?”

I nod.

“Good. But here’s the deal. I want the framework—the foundation—built on love, not sex.” He takes both my hands in his. “Build a foundation with me. A nice strong foundation. Then we’ll build a huge sprawling mansion of love on it. The kind no one could ever knock down. Remember the story of the three little pigs?”

“Yeah. The wolf ate them.”

“No, he didn’t. He ate two of them. You and Dawson were a straw house. It only took a puff—a text—to blow it down. Don’t you want a relationship that’s not so easily destroyed?”

I want to say I don’t care, but I do. I do want a relationship like that. One like Mom and Tommy’s. Tommy would move a mountain for my mom and us girls. I start to get tears in my eyes.

He puts his hand under my chin. “Does that make you sad?”

“No, it’s what I want. I’m just tired of investing my time and my heart in things that fall apart. And I don’t want to be a pig.”

Aiden laughs and kisses my nose. “You’d be a cute piggy.”

I look at the stage and realize that I’m supposed to be up there. “Shit. I gotta go.”

When I sit back down after my scene, Aiden says, “I bought tickets to every showing.”

“Every showing of the play? All three? Haven’t you seen it enough?”

“Not really. I love this play.”

“Why’s that?”

“The good guy wins.”

Wednesday, November 2nd

It was awful.

English

In English, Katie sits next to Dallas and me. It’s the first time she’s ventured over here since the Tyrese incident.

“I have some exciting news.”

“What’s that?”

“Bryce asked me to be his escort last night!”

“That’s awesome.”

“I’m going to be Chelsea’s escort,” Dallas says, getting in a little jab.

“She a varsity starter?” Katie asks, although she doesn’t let him reply. “Makes sense, I guess. She’s been with everyone on the team.”

My eyes get big with shock. Katie’s usually not this catty.

Dallas doesn’t get mad, though, he grins at her and then swats her shoulder. “Well, since you popped my cherry, I’ve been trying to find someone better than you.”

Katie starts giggling. “Ohmigawd, that would be anyone. It was awful.”

Dallas laughs too. “Well, the first time, anyway. But that was your fault and you know it.”