Love Me

“Relaxed. Like a day at the beach.”

“You're comfortable with him.”

“Yes.”

“What's he look like?”

I shake my head. “I don't know.”

He touches my chest. “What does he do to your heart?”

“He can calm it down or make it beat fast. He makes it feel like it could be ripped from my chest. Like if I loved him or gave him another chance and it didn’t work, I'd never be the same.”

My eyes are still shut, but tears start rolling down my face.

Jake wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his chest. “Keep going.”

“We're on the beach in the moonlight. I made a wish there.”

“What did you wish for?”

“Him. My good prince. We’re at my house. On my beach. He wraps his arms around me and tells me he wished on the moon too. That even though it hasn't been easy, even though we're not perfect, we’re perfect for each other. That he loves me with his heart, body, and soul.”

“And then they kiss,” he says breathlessly, putting his lips on mine.

I kiss him. My perfect boy.

“Marry me?” he says, waking me from my daze.

I open my eyes. Jake is on his knee finishing the last scene of the play.

I hear Pressley clap.

“Yes,” I say.

He stands up and gives me a big hug. “That was much better. Don’t let your real life get in the way of your dream. Night, Monroe.”

As he walks away, I look up at the moon and can’t help but wonder if he’s looking at it too.

Aiden startles me. “So now you’re kissing Jake too?”

“What? Oh, no. We were practicing for the play. If you saw us kiss, you must have seen him propose.”

“I did. Just didn’t love the kiss.”

I hang my head. “He says since I broke up with Dawson, I’m not as believable. That it’s like I don’t believe in love anymore.”

Aiden cocks his head. “Do you?”

I look back at the moon. “I want to.”

Pressley helps me get Embry cleaned up and they both quickly fall asleep on the floor.

I think about what Jake said about not letting my real life get in the way of my dreams.

I think about Vincent.

About how he’s keeping me away from my family. Away from my life.

As I stare at the stars glowing on my ceiling, Aiden’s quote pops into my head.

“The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.”

The heart has its reasons.

Does my heart have reasons?

And, if so, how can I reason with my heart?

Or is that the point?

Reason and thinking shouldn’t play a part in what your heart feels?

But how can it not? We have to protect ourselves. Protect our hearts.

Don’t we?

Isn’t that what Mom told me? Don’t give away your heart easily.

Although, in that case, I think she was referring to my body more than my heart.

“The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.”

So, reason can’t be a part of love.

You just have to feel it.

Like Jake made me do tonight.

I think.

Sunday, October 23rd

A target date.

7:30am

A

“You’re really nervous about your parent’s party today, aren’t you?”

“I was, but now I’m kind of freaking out about something else.”

“What?”

“We set a target date.”

“A target date?”

“The date we’re going to have sex.”

“Oh.”

“Oh, gosh. That doesn’t sound very romantic, does it?”

“No, it doesn’t. Did he say that?”

“No! I just mean we decided the day that we’re going to do it. It’ll be after Winter Formal. We’ll be all dressed up. We’ll dance all night. Go to a hotel.”

“When is Winter Formal?”

“It’s in December.”

“So are you freaking out because that’s too soon?”

She clasps her hands together and confesses, “Fine. Last night, we almost did it. Like it was right there. He had a condom. I told him I wanted to.” She unclasps her hands and covers her face. “He said no!”

“He did?”

“Yes. And I started crying. Like, I bawled.”

“What did he do?”

“He got dressed, said he was sorry, gave me an awkward hug, and left. It was so embarrassing. And now I’m supposed to take him home with me!?”

“Has he texted you or anything?”

“No!” She starts crying. “We talk about our future all the time. We’ve named our children. Decided on our careers. Pla

“What was the situation?”

“What do you mean? We were in my room, basically naked. I still can’t believe I’ve even let him see me naked. Well, in-the-dark naked.”

“Do you think that’s why he said no?”

“Because the lights weren’t on?”

“No, silly. You’ve been telling him that you want to wait. Maybe he wanted to mess around but not do it. Maybe the fact that you wanted to do it surprised him and he was afraid you’d regret it.”

“It was that damn Gods of Olympus costume. He looked so hot all day.”

Her phone buzzes in her hand. She drops it on the bed and closes her eyes. “You look.”

I read his text to her.

Ace<3MySexyBaby:  I’m sorry I made you cry last night. I wanted to. God, I wanted to. But it will be your first time. I want it to be special not just some dorm thing. That’s why I thought we should at least wait until Winter Formal. Are you mad at me? Do you still want me to go today?

She cries harder now. I’m pretty sure they are tears of relief.

“You’re really lucky he cares so much about you, A

Her hands shake. “Type for me.”

I take the phone out of her hands. “What do you want to say?”

“Say, I want you to go today more than anything.”

Ace<3MySexyBaby:  I can’t wait to meet your family. And I’m glad we haven’t yet. I want to be able to look your dad in the eye.

A

I give her a hug. “And I’m so happy for you.”

“You’re not trying to talk me out of it.”

“A

“It is. It just is. Okay, so I need to go get ready. We’re supposed to leave in like an hour.”

“Have fun today. And don’t worry. Your parents will love him.”

She bounds quietly out of the room.

I check my own phone, smiling when I see a late night text from Aiden.

Hottie God:  Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne co

Aww, how cute is that? It’s the quote he said last night, only in French. I want to hear him say it to me. So I figure, what the heck. I’ll call him.

He answers with, “Boots, you’re up early.” His voice is deep and gravely. I think I woke him up.

“Say it to me.”

“Say what?”

“The quote in French. The text you sent me last night.”

“You do realize I cut and pasted it from the internet?”

“Just try, please?”

“Les co-oer a sesh raisins cue la raisins ne con not point.”

It’s so cute. Having Aiden butcher the French language is seriously the most adorable thing.

“That was bad, wasn’t it?” he says. “You say it.”

“Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne co

“It sounds prettier when you say it. I guess that’s not that much of a surprise, since you’re a lot prettier than me.”

I blush. Sitting in my bed, all by myself, I blush.

I can barely talk, I’m smiling so big. “You’re going to learn to speak it pretty too. I love when you speak French to me. It’s a sexy language.”

“Just another motivation for me to learn. I had fun yesterday. Not so much at the party, but . . .”

“Yeah, me either. Okay, so I have to get to rehearsal.”

“And I have to get back to sleep. See you later, Boots.”

Dawson:  So what happened last night after I left? Were you with Aiden? I hate this.

Me:  I dealt with the girls. And I hate it too. I was happy with you. But then . . .