Stalk Me

I feel a lump forming in my throat and know that I’m going to start crying. My ego can’t take this.

It can’t take being told no one more time.

First, Sander doesn’t want me. Then, stupid Brooklyn.

I can’t stop the tears. They start to flow like rivers down my cheeks. I grab my comforter and pull it in front of my bare chest. I feel so incredibly naked. And stupid.

He sets his phone down and plops back on the bed with me.

“Okay, so I set my alarm for seven. I can’t miss the bus, and I’ll probably suck it up on the field tomorrow, but I don’t care . . . are you crying? Why are you crying?”

“I thought you didn’t want me,” I sniffle. “I thought you were checking your texts.”

His eyes get big. “No, I just wanted to set my alarm real quick. I’m sorry. See, I’m no good at this. I’ve never cared before. I’ve always just done it with no thought.” He kisses my forehead, then my cheek, and then across my lips. “Let’s start over, okay?”

I nod as he reaches over and turns off my lamp. He leans toward me, stops, and flips the lamp back on.

“Can we talk first?”

“Um, sure?” I clutch the comforter tighter to my chest. I want to scream at him, Just be Cush. Throw me on the bed and do me already.

“How did you picture it?”

“Picture what?”

“Losing your virginity?”

“Um, I don’t know.” I lie. I’ve written a million different versions. Versions where I lose it in a hotel on prom night to my perfect boyfriend. Versions where Brooklyn attacks me on the beach. Versions where Brooklyn takes me to his bedroom.

Cush grabs my hand, pulls it up to his lips, and peppers it with sweet kisses. “Please tell me.”

“It’s silly, really.”

“I won’t think it’s silly, I swear. In fact, I’ll go first.”

“You thought about it?”

“I did. And it’s kinda embarrassing for me.”

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“Yeah, I do.” His lips are still slowly kissing the tops of my knuckles. It’s very sweet. “I used to dream it would be you. You always looked so pretty and perfect at school, but I’d see you every afternoon at soccer practice, and you seemed different. Free. Happy. Tough. You made varsity freshman year. Not very many people do that. I didn’t miss a game. I didn’t even know your first name for the longest time. Had just heard the coach yell Douglas at you. Then one day you were ru

“I said, Thanks, I’m Keatyn by the way, didn’t I?

He nods his head and kisses my hand again. “Yep. And I couldn’t come up with anything to say back. I just stood there like an idiot. I had so many cool things I was going to say to you if I ever got the chance, but I couldn’t say a word. You had never been that close to me. I could smell your perfume. I could see the purple in your eyes that you can only see when you’re up close. I wanted to ask you out so bad. But then Sander came to school, and I was shit out of luck.”

“But we became friends. I always thought you were really cute, and I invited you to a party.”

“I remember. Sander and I bonded over a bottle of whiskey I stole from my mom’s liquor cabinet. I got drunk and slept with some senior girl.”

“And The Cushman was born.”

“Exactly.” He sighs. “Trust me when I say there’s no one that wants you more than I do, but I don’t think we should do it tonight. I want to do this right, and you’ll have to agree to go out with me first.”

I feel like crying again. He’s seriously so sweet. Why have I never noticed that before?

“And I changed my mind,” he says. “Don’t tell me how you pictured it. I want to plan it and surprise you. Tomorrow night work?”

“What about soccer?”

“Our games are supposed to be over by eight. I’ll pick you up at nine.”

I grab the back of his neck, pull his adorable face closer to mine, and kiss him hard. I pull myself onto his lap, roughly run my hands through his hair, and scratch down his back. He grabs my butt and pulls me tighter into his hips.

My body rocks against him. Specifically, against the hardness I can feel through his shorts.

It’s like my body is trying to trick him into wanting me now even though I’m really looking forward to tomorrow night.

But when he bites down slightly on my shoulder as I thrust my hips into his hardness, I know I’m not waiting another day.

“Let’s do it tonight, get the awkward part out of the way, and have more fun tomorrow,” I say breathlessly.

My hands don’t bother waiting for his answer. They’re already pulling off his shorts.

He seems to be struggling with the decision.

“I can’t wait,” I say breathlessly into his neck.

He flips me over on the bed, tosses his shorts to the floor, and pulls off my thong.

I guide his mouth back toward mine.

 “Are you sure?” he says.

“I’m so very sure.”

I close my eyes, take a calming breath, and don’t stop kissing him until it’s over.

I wake up to a loud clap of thunder and peek at my phone.

4:22.

Cush has one arm wrapped around me, and the other is arched above his head.

I can’t believe I finally did it.

I so never wrote this script. Never ever imagined my first time like this.

But I feel surprisingly happy. Happy that it didn’t really hurt, and happy that he knew what he was doing.

I think about how cute he looked when he told me he was kinda in love with me. How he wants to plan something special for tonight. How much I feel like kissing him again.

I lay my head back on his shoulder and press my lips softly into his neck.

“Mmmm,” he says dreamily, still half asleep. “That feels good.”

I jump when a loud clap of thunder shakes the windows.

He opens one eye. “Is that thunder? Is it raining?”

“Yeah, it’s pouring.”

“Maybe they’ll call off our games, and we can spend the day in bed.”

I kiss up the side of his neck. “That sounds fun, except my parents might not appreciate it. They know you spent the night, but they think we just crashed.”

He rolls onto his side and kisses my stomach. “Well, in that case . . . ”

I don’t let him finish. I know exactly what he’s thinking, and I’m thinking the same thing.

Saturday, May 21st

It’s cute. Can I keep it?

7am

BEEP! BEEP!

“Shit,” he says, clicking off the alarm while rubbing his eyes.

“Is it still raining?”

He throws the covers back, and I get to watch his cute naked butt as he walks to my window. He pulls the curtain back and nods his head. “It is, and I can see lightning off in the distance. If it keeps up, they’ll have to call the games.”

I glance down, and my eyes get big.

“What?” He glances down, realizes why my eyes are big, and shrugs his shoulders. “It’s morning.”

“It’s cute. Can I keep it?”

His phone buzzes. “It’s from Coach. Ha! Sweet. Games this morning rained out. Says he’ll update us at eleven.”

“Good. Come back to bed.”

“What if I’m not really that tired?” he says with a grin.

“I said come back to bed, not go back to sleep.”

He takes a huge leap and pounces on top of me. I let out a little scream then giggle when he tickles my sides.

“KIKI, KIKI!!” I hear being screamed from outside my door. “LET GWEYSIE IN!!”

“Shit, it’s my little sister. Put that thing away!” I whisper. “Just a second, Gracie!” I yell out. I hop out of bed and grab my robe while Cush slides on a pair of shorts.