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“It looks amazing on you. You did awesome today. You’re not afraid of anything, are you?”
Instead of answering, she says, “I thought you were going to kiss me again, Bishop.”
I know it’s all kinds of wrong. I shouldn’t do this, but I’m so broken up inside, I can’t deny her. Not anything. I’m going to kiss her, and I’m going to start doing the right thing. I’m done with this pill thing. Done with it all. I kneel on the floor between her legs, pushing my hands through her hair and then I kiss her. Our tongues tangle together. Our lips mold to each other’s. And I could swear that with each touch, she melts the ice in my veins.
I want to tell her everything.
I never want to stop kissing her.
“You don’t even know who I am.” My whispered words are probably the most honest thing I’ve said since we met. “I’ve screwed up…so fucking much.” This is the first time it’s hit me exactly how much. But she quiets me with her mouth, and I let her. She leans down and lies on the couch, and I follow her. I kiss her collarbone, behind her ear, before going up to taste her lips again, knowing the whole time I failed. Nothing I could ever do would make me proud.
Please, don’t let me fuck this up.
Chapter Sixteen
Pe
I dream about lying in Bishop’s arms. I dream about him playing drums with his shirt off. I dream about him kissing his way up my neck and how I can’t get close enough to him. And how he whispers in my ear not to worry and then starts taking off my panties, and I’m kissing, and we’re kissing, and I’m frantic, and some horrible ring won’t stop…
I sit up and forget for a moment where I am. Bishop rolls over, catches my eyes, and smiles. “We fell asleep.”
“Guess so.” Holy. Shit. Only some of that was a dream. We did kiss. A lot. And there was definitely some under-clothing touching because the guy’s sides are toned. And his back. And his abs. And his chest.
“Can you please get your phone?” He chuckles as he slides his hand down my arm.
My stomach hollows out. Crap. It’s my school alarm. I was here all night. Mom is going to freak out.
“I gotta go before Mom figures out I didn’t go home last night.” I grab my phone, and it takes me four tries to shut the thing up.
Bishop half-leaps out of bed, but the grogginess all over his face tells me he’s probably not much of a morning person. And he’s not wearing a shirt, which stops me for a second so I can watch him. All the feelings from my dream send a rush of heat through me, and I reach out to touch his side.
Bishop smiles. His hand covers mine, and he steps close, pulling me into his arms. “I’m glad you stayed. I slept so hard last night.” He says that like it’s not something he usually does.
I rest my cheek on his bare chest, wishing with everything in me that I didn’t have to go. But I totally do. “I gotta get out of here.”
He plants a kiss on my temple before slowly releasing me. Like he wants me here as much as I want to be here.
“Right. Your stuff.” He scans the small floor for anything that might be mine, but I’m sadly as dressed as I was when we climbed into bed together.
I pull up my shirt, remembering my tattoo. “How’s it look?”
He kneels on the floor, looking more awake than he has yet. “Hot.”
I laugh because it feels so good to have him say that. “I gotta run. State’s coming up, and if I don’t have a killer excuse, I have to be at school.”
He stands and runs a hand over my hair, sending waves through me. “I can’t wait to see you play again.”
I love that he wants to see me play. For guys who don’t play hockey, it’s usually a turn-off, or intimidation factor or something, and the guys on the team… Well, that obviously doesn’t work out so well.
I grab my coat, let Bishop crush me into his arms again to say goodbye, and step quietly out the door into the darkness.
I’m outside, the door is closing, and my cheeks already hurt from smiling. Then there’s movement at my house.
I freeze. I’m caught for sure. It’s too late to hide, but then I stop and stare. The silhouette outlined by the small porch light isn’t familiar. I tense, thinking some asshole’s trying to break into my house as I step off Bishop’s porch. Mom, in her bathrobe and slippers, appears, smiling up at some guy.
What the hell?
There’s some quiet murmurs, then he leans forward, and she kisses him. And then again. And then his arms are around her, and he’s kissing her like I was kissing Bishop last night.
I’m frozen and shaking. My stomach turns over.
His hand brushes back her hair.
With every gesture, my anger rises. Mom never even said she was dating! This is my dad’s parents’ house. And my dad’s bed. And my mom!
The man turns toward an unfamiliar car.
Ben?
I try to suck in a breath, but I don’t think it works, because I’m feeling dizzy, like I’m not getting enough air. Dad knew this guy! I know this guy! And she lied. She lied to me.
That’s it. I need out of here. I head for my truck. And then I realize Mom and Ben are actually my perfect escape from Bishop’s porch. All I have to do is get to my car. I step down onto the snow.
“Pe
Anger races through me so suddenly I don’t think. “I’ll answer that when you answer me what the fuck you did last night? Or did I answer myself with the question?” Okay. Probably not the smartest move when even I know that maybe crashing at Bishop’s place wasn’t the best idea. And maybe dropping the f-bomb was also stupid, and that maybe it was too early in the conversation for a counter-attack when I should be walking up to her to explain.
The door flies open behind me with a wide-eyed Bishop. Sadly, wearing a shirt.
“Pe
We’re way past explanations in this moment. And anyway, I’m a lot closer to my truck than she is. It’s not like the cabins are parked directly under the house. And I’m parked next to Bishop’s.
“Pe
I can’t believe she thinks she’s better than me in this situation. Can’t believe she’s been lying to me. “Are we really going to go there right now?”
Ben’s gaze goes from me to Mom and back to me. He’s about to be pulled into a mess because both Mom and I go too far when we’re pissed. And we’re definitely both pissed.
“I’m sorry, Ms. Jones.” Bishop’s voice is all apology. “We were watching a movie and crashed. I didn’t mean—”
Mom holds up her hand. “I need to talk to my daughter.”
Guess nice isn’t going to work today. “Well I sure as hell don’t need to talk to you.” I run toward my truck.
“Pe
“Let her go,” Ben says. Like he has a say in anything. Only, I’m sort of hoping she takes his advice, even though I know she won’t.
“Mom. Seriously.” I turn to face her. “I never hid that I spent time with Bishop, something you’d know if you were ever here. And for some crazy reason, you feel the need to sneak around with a guy when you’re a grown-up! You didn’t even know I was gone last night you were so distracted. I can’t believe you would invite him here when you haven’t even told me about him! You’re sneaking around more than I am! You know how I hate being lied to.”
Mom starts my way, the anger sliding off her face, but with how every cell in my body is tensed, now is not the time for us to talk.
I make it to the driver’s side door and nearly cry. Emotions swirl around in my head. I blink a few times, like I’m not getting enough air and I’m about to pass out. Okay. Breathing. Right? Like Bishop did. I can try that. In. Out. In. Out. This time, my hands clutch the door handle. Why am I reacting this way?