Freeing Carter

"That's not what I mean," but that's all I say. I don't even know if I understand what I meant.

"Then I can't help you."

I can't stop thinking this girl dyed her freaking hair orange. For my sister. That she's walking around in public like this and doesn't care what anyone thinks. I don't know any other girl who would do this. I wouldn't do it.

"Sara's going to freak. I hope you don't mind if she tackles you. She gets a little over excited and this is..."

"Orange hair?" she supplies for me.

"Yep."

"It won't last long. It's the spray stuff, but I promised your sister so I wanted to do it."

For the first time, I notice she took her braid out. Her hair is now free, hanging in curls that go down a little past her shoulders. It would look good if it wasn't orange.

"Is she at the store tonight? I wasn't sure if she's there or with Bill."

Hearing her say Bill's name shocks me a little. I can't remember if Mel even knows Sara's dad's name. "She should be there. She goes to her dad's tomorrow."

"So you did this for his sister? Did she pay you?" Travis laughs, reminding me he's still here.

"Nope. She's got style though. I might let her pick my next look." She turns to me. "Hope you had a good practice. I'm going to see Sara now." All I get is a little wave over her shoulder while she's walking away.

"Hey!" I call after her. "I'm going that way. Do you want a ride?"

Without turning around, she shakes her head. "Nope! It's a gorgeous evening to see how many cars I can get to stop and check out my hair!"

Chuckling, I stand there watching her walk away, in her black and orange clothes. Orange hair, head held high as people laugh and point. Me? I just keep staring.

Travis elbows me. "Dude, when it comes to that girl, you are so screwed."

He doesn't have to say it twice.

***

"Are we riding to the party together?" Mel and I are standing in the hallway, outside the locker room. I'm already in my uniform, but have a few minutes before the team has to get together pre-game.

"I don't know...I was thinking I'd ride with Trina. It's her first party since she and Travis broke up."

I exhale, excited at the idea of a night just to relax. To not have to worry about my hair being messy or getting ketchup in her car. But then there's the other part who's a little a

Her face pales. "I..."

"Come on." I step closer to her. "We've all gone together before." I touch her hair to see how it feels. It's still soft, so soft that I want to bury my hand in it, but that's all I feel. I don't get that electric, I-have-to-touch-you-now feeling I used to get when I touched her.

Testing the waters, I step closer again. This is my girlfriend. I should be feeling something right now. That's when I realize what I'm doing—it's a test. I need to know how things are with us. Need to know which is more powerful, that part of me who got happy at the thought of another free night or the one who used to be into this girl. The one who could forget about all his demons when he was with her.

Mel steps away from me. "Yeah...yeah, okay. I gotta run though. I'll see you after the game." She jogs away without another word.

"Shaw! Get your ass in here. Coach wants us." Travis ducks in the locker room, but then his head pokes out again. "I almost forgot. I saw Kira and she said to tell you good luck. She said something else about her whole future of watching our games hinges on this game or something. Whatever that means."

So she's scared I'm going to embarrass her like her old school? Yeah, I don't even need to know that to still know we're going to win.

***

Eighteen points, eight rebounds and eleven assists. The whole gym is chanting LANCERS! LANCERS! Mel and the cheerleaders are jumping up and down because of our sixteen point win. But me? I'm flying. My heart is hammering harder than it's ever beat before. There's nothing in the world like this feeling. It's like being shocked by lightening, but in a good way. All lit up...electric and invincible.

"Carter! Carter!" Sara calls. I'm amazed that I hear her over all the noise, but I reach out and grab her hand before someone runs her over.

"Did you see that, Twig? I told you we'd win."

She wraps her tiny arms around me. "Did you score points for me? You said. I watched. How many?" She keeps starting different sentences, too excited to know which one to go with.

"Eighteen and they were all for you, kid." I set her down as Mom hugs me.

"Good game, you."

"Thanks, Ma." Just like every day since that one night, her eyes are crystal clear. Her scent untainted.

"We have to go. Bill's expecting Sara. I suppose you're going out?"

I nod my reply.

"Be good and be home by curfew." She gives me a quick kiss. "I'm proud of you."

Left and right people come up, congratulating me. Before the locker room. After.

Mel and Trina are bouncing up and down in the car, making me wonder why I thought it would be a good idea to ride with two girls to a party. After we get out of the car, I grab Mel's hand and pull her to me. "We'll be right there, Trin," I call to her.

I'm standing here, holding her around the waist and I realize I don't remember the last time I kissed my girlfriend. "Are you going to tell me congratulations?" I ask and lean toward her. It's nothing but a quick press of our lips before we both pull away.

"Congrats, Carter."

I step away, and then another step. Wow...I got nothing. What does this mean? Maybe the bigger question is what do I do now?

Mel doesn't give me a chance to figure it out. "Oh! I love this song! Come on, Carter. Let's go inside."

She whirls away and runs inside, not looking back. I don't try to catch up.

Chapter Eight

I've been here almost two hours and I've only seen a ghost of Mel here and there. We talk for five seconds and then she's gone again, which is okay, because I've been with Travis most of the night. He's got a beer in his hand and me a soda. It's not always easy to explain my no-drinking thing. Travis has never asked me about it, but I'm sure he wonders. Other people give me crap, but I make up BS excuses every time. I've seen enough of what that shit does to know not to put a drop of it in my system.

Grandpa was an alcoholic.

Mom was/is an alcoholic.

Yeah, totally not going there.

"This party is kind of lame," Travis yells, downing the rest of the beer in his bottle.

"For sure. Better than being home, though."

Travis has been quiet most of the night, drumming on his legs like he's been doing a lot lately. If it wasn't for ball, he'd be in a band. He has drums in his garage that he's always screwing around with.

"What's up? You've been weird."

Travis shrugs, without giving anything away. He twists his hat around so it's facing frontward.

"You still think it was the right thing to break it off with, Trina?" I ask. Part of me wonders if that's what's bothering him, but the other part wants to know for myself. Will I regret it if I end it with Mel?