Masquerade

That’s when I decided I wouldn’t lose myself in the past anymore. I wouldn’t stress and dwell on things I couldn’t change or even things I could, because if I made that decision the first time, there was a reason. I would stick with my choices, even when someone didn’t get them or I got shit for being closed off or hard. And I wouldn’t worry about love or try to figure it out.

Girls aren’t allowed to feel that way, I guess.

This is why I’m pissed that I haven’t stopped thinking about Maddox since he walked out of Masquerade. I’m not daydreaming about the sex, though it was good. No, better than good. I keep seeing that look on his face when I told him no about apprenticing with me.

I recognized the expression because I’ve felt it before. It’s more than disappointment. It’s loss.

I’ve been lost since I was four years old, even though I didn’t know it until I was thirteen. Being found didn’t help that feeling of being misplaced, either.

It pisses me off and makes me feel soft.

With a towel, I wipe away the excess ink on the tat I’m giving before studying the daffodil. The girl has her hair over her opposite shoulder as she leans away from me while I work on her shoulder. She told me when she first came in that it was her first ink and she looked like she would dash at any second. She didn’t and she’s hardly made a peep besides to answer questions I ask her.

“What’s it mean?” I ask as I put the gun to her skin again. You can always tell those people who come and get something that’s forgettable. They pick a design off the wall or something like that. It’s obvious when people get tattoos because they mean something. The one this girl brought in means something to her.

After a short silence, I add, “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I have some that no one will ever know why I got them.” When you engrave something into your skin, it’s personal—important. Or at least it should be.

“No, it’s cool,” she replies, but then still doesn’t talk for a few more seconds. “Daffodils are supposed to symbolize rebirth. I need that, I think.”

I almost pause and pull back the tattoo gun, but I make myself keep going. Rebirth. I’m not sure how I feel about that concept. “Do you believe it? That people can be reborn?” Even though it doesn’t really change anything, that’s kind of what tattooing is to me—rebirth. Not sure why, but Maddox pops into my head again and I wonder if he needs to be reborn from something.

“I want to.”

We don’t share any more words as I finish her piece. When I’m done, I wipe it clean. “You wa

She stands with her back to the mirror and looks at the yellow and orange flower.

“It’s gorgeous,” she says. There’s awe in her voice.

I love that feeling. Love knowing that I gave someone something that is a part of them. “Cool.”

After she’s done, I put some saran wrap on it and give her aftercare instructions. She lets her red hair fall over her shoulders again.

“Thanks. I appreciate it. I’m Camie.”

Which I knew from looking at her ID and her consent form, but I still shake her hand. “Bee.”

She hands me the money before walking out. I feel kind of jittery, though I don’t know why. It was just a tattoo, but then I’ve been like this since Maddox came into my shop. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.

It’s not a minute after I’m done cleaning the equipment and disposing of the used needle when I hear the door open again. Turning around, I see a woman with long, dark hair and this happy-go-lucky smile on her face that I’m not sure I’ve ever worn. Actually that’s a lie. I’m sure I have, but I was too young to really remember it.

“Hey,” I tell her, walking over to the counter. “Can I help you?”

Her smile falters slightly as she makes her way to me. There’s no question in my mind that she’s not here for a tattoo. I’m not sure what else she could want.

“I’m sorry to bother you while you’re at work, but I wasn’t sure how else to get a hold of you,” the girl tells me.

The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, my heart going a little crazy. I don’t like it when people come looking for me. Reporters wouldn’t leave us alone after Rex and Melody got arrested and I was sent to live with my birth family. I couldn’t go outside and they harassed everyone we knew. It’s been years since I’ve had to deal with it, but the cramping in my stomach reminds me of how fresh it all still is.

“If it’s not something you should bother me at work with, then you shouldn’t be here.”

I turn my back on her before walking toward my supply cabinet. Nothing will make me give this girl the time of day.

It’s not five seconds later that she speaks again. “I’m here about Maddox.”

I stumble, the ache in my stomach now replaced with anger. That piece-of-shit son of a bitch. This is exactly the kind of drama I don’t need.

Crossing my arms, I lean against the cabinet and face her. “I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. I don’t play games like that, but no offense, it shouldn’t be me you’re talking to right now. It should be him.”

Her eyes stretch wide, shock highlighting her features. She grabs hold of the counter, making me wonder what the hell is going on here.

“You and my brother?”

“He’s your brother?” I feel a little relieved because I’m not the kind of girl to sleep with a guy with a girlfriend, but family drama is almost worse than girlfriend issues. I definitely don’t want to be involved here, though I don’t know why she cares who her brother sleeps with.

There’s no way I’m answering her question. “Why are you here?”

“I’m Laney.” She holds out her hand, obviously over the surprise. She has that grin on her face again that shows how happy she is. For a minute I wonder what that would feel like but then shove it aside. What do I have to be so upset about? I have two sets of parents who “love” me—that one word that’s so important to people. I was treated well. I’m standing in the middle of my dream. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be smiling like her, but it feels too fake. There’s something inside of me that holds it back.

Still, I find myself moving toward her and taking her hand. “Bee.”

“I wanted to talk to you about Maddy apprenticing for you. I know you told him no, but—”

“Maddy?”

Laney rolls her eyes. “Why does everyone have to comment on the name? It’s really not that big a deal.”

I shrug because she’s right. Considering I named myself after an insect, I guess I don’t really have room to talk.

“I know this probably isn’t how things are done and my brother will freak out if he finds out I came down here, but I want to ask you to reconsider letting him learn from you. He’s really good and—”

“No.”

A little fire sparks in her eyes, making me see there is more to her than the smiles I saw. “No?”

“No.”

“You didn’t even give him a chance! He’s really good. It’s an apprenticeship. It’s not like you have to pay him or anything.”

Sighing, I shake my head, trying to figure out how to not sound like a bitch here. “Listen, I think it’s really cool you’re sticking up for your brother and all, but I’m not going to change my mind. I don’t play real well with others and I’m pretty sure you caught from the begi

“Do you care about him?” she whispers.

Oh shit. “No. I don’t know him. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, if you catch my drift. It didn’t mean anything and it’s not something either of us plan to do again.”

She frowns, making me see that even though she knows what I mean, she doesn’t get it. She’s the kind of girl my parents deserve.

“Then what’s the problem with him working here? You’re both adults. Maddox is good at keeping walls between himself and other people. It shouldn’t be hard for you guys to keep it professional.”