Masquerade

Her eyes close at that and I know she’s sad. Guilt tugs at me, telling me to try and fix it, but I don’t know how to be the person I used to be. I went from a kid who only wanted to play football to going gambling with my dad who told me it was the only way to pay for college. I wanted college and football, right? I became good at keeping my mouth shut for my own fucking good and now I don’t know how to open it again.

“Remember when we were younger? It was before everything went down. God, Maddy. You couldn’t have been any older than ten. You used to collect cans and do yard work and then you’d take your money down and buy us Chinese food.”

An ache forms in my chest. I ignore it. Ignore the need to walk away too.

“One time we ate Chinese at a park like this and then you tried to teach me to play football.”

“You sucked.” I’m surprised the words came out.

“I did, and you spent hours out there teaching me to throw. To me, it didn’t really matter that I sucked. Well, that’s a lie. It kind of did because you liked football. I looked up to you. All I wanted was to be like my big brother and even way back then, you tried to take care of me.”

I drum my thumbs on the picnic table and then reach into my pocket, pull out a cigarette, and light it. “You don’t wa

She knows that now. I don’t even have to tell her I’m no one to look up to.

“You were my best friend. You still are. You’ve always been more than my brother.”

I take a drag of my cigarette, hoping this conversation is going to end soon.

“Mom called me…”

My eyes snap to Laney. “What did she say to you? Did she give you shit?” Laney was the one to hold Mom while she lay bleeding. She was also the one Mom blamed for saving her.

My sister closes her box of Chinese. “She started to. She tried to make me feel guilty because you don’t talk to her. She thinks it’s my fault. I hung up. I told her if she was going to harass me, I wouldn’t talk to her.”

The urge to smile hits me at that. She’s stronger now. Sticking up for herself. That makes me feel good. “Don’t answer anymore. If she calls you again, tell me and I’ll take care of it.”

Laney shakes her head and I know she’s upset. “I don’t need you to take care of it. That’s not why I told you. I can take care of myself. It’s time for you to take care of yourself too. I’m good, Maddy. And I have Adrian. I want… I want you to have someone too.”

At that, I push to my feet. “Just one more time, Maddox. Be a man. Sometimes men have to do things that aren’t right to take care of their family. I do this for you guys and if you tell your mom, it will kill her.”

I should have opened my mouth. I should have known it was more than the gambling he was trying to hide. If I hadn’t listened to him, he wouldn’t have left that weekend. Maybe Adrian’s son Ash would still be alive. Why would I want someone else in my life to depend on me when I obviously make shitty decisions? The men in my family only let people down.

“I gotta go.”

She pushes to her feet right behind me. “You always have to go. Anytime we talk about something important, you have to go. Maddox, I want you to be happy.”

“Who said I’m not? I’m doing the tattoo thing. I have a job—”

“You keep yourself so closed off from any and everything important. You don’t date. What about you and Bee? I saw something there.”

Bee is definitely not someone I’m going to talk to my sister about. “I thought your boyfriend was supposed to be the psychic one, not you.”

“Whatever, Maddox.” There’s an edge to her voice I’m not used to hearing from my sister, like she’s getting fed up, and then for the first time, it’s her who walks away from me.

* * *

I’m in a shitty mood. I text Bee that I’m not coming to Masquerade before work today. She’s probably going to be pissed. I’m the one who pushed her into this and now I’m not showing up. Right now, I can’t find it in me to care.

I head home and get ready to go to Lunar. The last thing I feel like is being around a bunch of drunk people. I’m pissed about my fight with Laney and feeling like shit because of the way I treat her. And her boyfriend too. Fuck, I can hardly talk to the guy. It hurts too much to think of what my family did to him. Real stand-up fucking guy I am.

I don’t know what makes me do it, but I head to the bar first. I’m early and I try to avoid Trevor as much as I can. He’s too hyper for me.

It’s only about 8:00, and a weekday, so Lunar’s not too packed. Both Trevor and Tyler are behind the counter. I try to take a quick turn to head to the back before they see me, but Tyler calls out, “Hey, Cross. Come here, man.”

Shit. I’m not really in the mood to get involved with whatever the owners of Lunar need.

“What’s up? I gotta clock on in a minute,” I tell them when I reach the bar.

“We have a problem.” Tyler leans against the counter, arms crossed. He’s wearing a silk button-up shirt and slacks. What a joke. He owns a club where meth-heads get caught getting high in the alley, they have private stripper parties, and his brother fucks everything that walks, yet he’s always dressed like he’s sitting in a fiftieth-floor office somewhere.

“And it has something to do with me, how?” I ask.

I see Trevor try and cover a laugh, but Tyler just hardens that stern-ass businessman look.

“Because you’re security and we’re having a security issue. Unless you don’t like your job here and then I’m sure something can be arranged.”

No. No, I don’t like my shitty job here, but I need it. “What do you need?” I grit my teeth. Tyler nods and so I walk around to their side of the bar.

“Turbo’s out of here. He got caught dealing. You ready to step up?”

Wow. Didn’t expect that. Turbo was the head of security.

“Why me?”

“I’m wondering that, too, but Trev says you’re right for it.” Tyler’s stare is hard. I look at his brother, surprised he went to bat for me.

“What other responsibilities will I have?”

“First and foremost, don’t sell drugs in my club,” Tyler says.

I shake my head. “I don’t fuck around with that shit.”

“Yeah, that’s what Trev said.”

I’m wondering how in the hell Trevor knows or thinks he knows so much about me.

“You do the schedule. Your hours shouldn’t change unless we need help. Someone’s sick or needs time off, you man up and step in. You take responsibility too. One of the guys fuck up, it’s on you. We have private parties. They’re all yours or you make sure the right guy gets it. Extra money’s on the table too. You down?”

Fuck no. Then again, what else do I have? Yeah, I’m tattooing with Bee, but what if that doesn’t last? Not only that, but she said so herself, once I’m done training, I’m out. It’s not like I have the money to open my own shop and if I can’t get anyone to let me apprentice under them, I’ll probably have trouble getting a job too. This? It’s guaranteed money, even though I hate this place.

“I’m in.”

Tyler nods. “I’ll be in touch.” And then he walks away. When I look at Trevor, he has a big-ass smile on his face.

“What?” I ask.

“You’re welcome.”

“I didn’t know you were the one who earned the job. I thought it was me.”

“You’re such a prick, Cross. That’s why I like you, though. How’s your girl?”

I fight the urge to tell him Bee’s none of his business. “She’s not my girl.”

“No?” His eyebrows go up.

The urge to hit him suddenly makes my fists tighten. “Nope.”

“That’s good to hear. She’s fucking hot. Bring her in with you again, yeah? If you don’t want her, I’d definitely like to get to know her better.”

Before I know what’s happening, I have the front of his shirt in my grip and I’ve shoved Trevor up against the wall. As soon as he starts laughing, I know what he did and know I stepped right into his plan. I still don’t let go of him.