Masquerade

“Not much,” I finally reply. “You could have called to ask that, though.”

“Yeah, but then it would be harder to pump you for information. This way you can’t hang up on her.” Adrian smirks. Fucker. Laney wouldn’t have brought it up like Adrian did.

“There’s nothing to tell.”

“Maddox. You’re learning to tattoo at a new shop. There’s a lot to tell. What’s she like? Is she good at what she does?”

My mind goes back to the pictures on Bee’s wall. To the artwork on her body, a lot of which she told me she drew herself. Yeah, she’s incredible. Way better than the guy I used to work with. “I wouldn’t be working with her if she wasn’t—Wait, how do you know it’s a woman?”

Laney tenses for a second, making me feel like shit that I don’t tell her anything that’s going on in my life, before she jokingly says, “Adrian’s psychic, remember?”

He taps the side of his head and I roll my eyes. I guess it was some long-standing joke around Brenton that Adrian was physic. I don’t know how it started, but he likes to play it up when the situation fits him. “You guys are fu

“It’s going around town. You know how those things work, Maddy. Everyone’s talking about her.”

“Then everyone needs to take their ass to the shop and get a tattoo.”

“Are things going good with you guys? I mean, do you work well with her?”

The last thing I want to do is talk to Laney about Bee. “Everything’s fine. How are your classes going?”

“Good. They just started. Way to change the subject.” The little flash of hurt in her eyes spreads through me. I wish I could be a better brother to her.

“What about everything else? You’re dealing okay? Mom hasn’t given you shit or anything?” Laney has always been a little sensitive. She’s nice and she expects everyone else to be too. She’s the kind who always looks on the bright side of things, but it means she gets hurt easily too. A little before the summer, she cut off contact with our mom. She needed to because for four years Laney tried to take care of Mom, but she just treated Laney like shit. I always worry my sister will let her back in.

“She’s good.” Adrian puts his arm around her. “I wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. I take care of her.”

“We take care of each other,” she whispers back at him, and he nods in agreement. It’s true too.

Suddenly I get this sort of ache in my gut and I want to be out on my bike or working in the shop. Anything but being here. She’s happy and I’m fucking glad, but it makes the emptiness I usually welcome inside me threaten to pull me under.

We all could have been happy, until everything got too screwed up. Instead she had to fight for it and live through hell to be where she is. That’s the one thing I want to fix more than anything else.

“You look sad, Maddy.” Laney stands up, but I shake my head and she doesn’t come closer. She’s a toucher. She wants to hug and be affectionate, but all those things do is remind me of how I failed. They’re emotional when I try not to focus on emotions. It’s easier to shut down.

“You guys caught me right before I was going to get in the shower. I have to head to the shop soon.”

The sad look she gives me tells me she knows it’s an excuse. Yeah, I’m supposed to go to Masquerade. Even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t let them stay. Adrian stands, shaking his head before taking her hand. “Come on, Little Ghost. We need to get going.”

She waves good-bye before Adrian leads her out. I take a step toward the door, guilt mixing with my blood and ru

A

“Maddox. I’m so glad you answered!” When Mom’s voice comes through the phone, I wish like hell I would’ve checked to see who was calling first.

“Please. Don’t hang up.”

She sounds so nice. Like the perfect, happy mom we all used to think she was, the one she maybe used to be. But the older Laney got, the worse she treated her. What kind of parent is jealous of their own child? She blamed Laney for Dad—because he gave her attention. Somehow it was Laney’s fault when he started gambling and sleeping around too.

It was also Laney’s fault that she didn’t walk away as Mom lay bleeding on the floor. She called 911 and held her and cried for her mother, while Mom blamed Laney for letting her live.

She wouldn’t have cared if I did the same thing, and she doesn’t know that I could have been the one to stop it all. I didn’t tell her that I knew what Dad was doing and to this day I’m too big a pussy to admit it to her.

Even though she’s cared more about herself than anyone since Dad went to prison and even though she treats my sister like shit, I owe her because I kept my mouth shut about what Dad was doing. If I hadn’t, things might not have gotten as bad as they did.

“How are you?” The words burn my tongue. They’re a betrayal to Laney even though she would never see it like that, but it’s an apology to Mom for being weak too.

“How do you think I am? My husband is in jail, my son won’t speak to me, and they’re making me see a shrink.”

Nowhere in there does she say a word about Laney. I have to fight to bite my tongue and not mention it. “You’ve tried to kill yourself multiple times in four and a half years. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to talk to someone.”

“Do you?”

I sigh, wondering why I didn’t see that coming. “I’m not suicidal. And I didn’t hurt my family.”

“Don’t do that, Maddox. I’m not the one who hurt our family. Your father did. He’s the one who cheated on me and ruined our family.”

What about the fact that he killed a kid? Hurt Laney and I? None of that comes out of her mouth.

“We could have been a family without him.” Or hell, maybe Laney was right and we don’t deserve it because someone died. A little fucking kid.

I hear the tears in her voice before she starts to speak. It always happens this way. “Are you saying it’s my fault? I was a victim here too. It’s not that easy to turn it off.”

No shit. I wish it was. “You think I don’t know that? That I don’t live with this shit every day? That Laney doesn’t? She has to look at Adrian and know what our family took from him!”

“Blah, blah, blah, blah! It always comes back to her, doesn’t it? What kind of hold does she have on the men in this family? What did she do to you, Maddox? Why do you love her more than your own mother? That’s what she wants. You know that, don’t—”

Her words are cut off when I end the call. I should have fucking known it would end up like that. It always does.

My hands are shaking. My heart racing. I’m supposed to be at Masquerade in an hour, but I can’t go in like this. Not when I’m raw and open, when I know in my head that I just need to get the fuck over it.

But damn do I want to be there. I think I might need it.

My shower is quick. My thoughts turned off like it’s so easy for me to do. Stoic, unemotional. People like my sister don’t get it, but closing myself off is how I make it through.

Still, I find myself driving to Masquerade, when my brain is telling me not to. When I know how shitty I am to be around when I’m in a mood like this. Pretty soon she’s not going to take my shit and she’ll call this whole thing off. It’s only been a week and we’ve already gotten into it more than once.

Maybe she should kick me out. What the hell am I doing here anyway?

It doesn’t stop me from wanting it. From getting off my bike and walking to the door. I’m surprised to see the CLOSED sign is up. Glancing at my cell, I see it’s almost two, the time she said I should come in. I start to dial her number, but something makes me try the door instead.

I squint when the door easily opens. She’s a smart girl. She pays attention and doesn’t let people get the drop on her. I didn’t expect Bee to leave the shop unlocked with the CLOSED sign up and the lights turned off inside.