Facade

“Adrian?” Delaney’s voice is quiet next to me. She’s kneeling beside me, her hand on my shoulder. “Adrian? Are you okay?”

“She got pregnant when I turned sixteen. Just some girl I met. Tina. Another fucked-up decision by me.” I hear my voice, but it’s like I’m not controlling it. It feels like someone else is speaking my truth.

“Who? What are you talking about?”

“I didn’t know until she was about to have him. I was sixteen fucking years old and she comes to me nine months pregnant and says he’s mine.”

“Oh God…”

“He was always mine… I knew just by looking at him. And then she fucking gave him to me.” My eyes are still forward. I don’t move. Don’t look at her. I’m not even sure I’m here. Nothing but words. Words I’ve never told anyone. “Angel had to save me like she always did. When we were kids, she took beatings for me. Then she took me to live with her. And then she took care of my son. Just like Tina gave him to me, I fucking gave custody of my son to my sister. Who does that?”

“Adrian. No. I didn’t know! But you were there. You didn’t leave him. You tried to do what was best for him.” She’s sobbing so hard it’s difficult to make out what she’s saying.

“I let him die.” Fire laces my words. It all comes back to me. Her coming here to find me. Knowing who I was. Knowing what happened. Lying. Making me love her. Knowing what I lost. “Your dad killed him.”

I push away from her and to my feet. “I let my little boy die! The only fucking person in the world to ever look at me and not see all the things I did wrong. All he ever, ever wanted was love from me!”

My hands fly out as I shove the few things off my dresser, then knock it to the ground. Delaney jumps back.

“Don’t. Adrian. Let me help you. I’m so sorry. Let’s just—”

“Fucking help me!” I kick over the bedside table. The lamp crashes to the floor, but somehow the light doesn’t go out.

I rip the blankets from the bed. Throw the pillow. And grab his shirt. His little shirt that belonged on his two-year-old body. I clutch it to my chest.

And cry. Fucking cry. Wail. Scream.

“I killed him. I let him die. I want him back. I just want him back.”

Delaney tries to come toward me. “Get out,” I say, and then I’m in a ball on the floor holding Ash’s shirt.

“Adrian. I’m sorry, so, so sorry.”

I can’t look at her. I’m seeing his smile. Still crying. So many tears. I haven’t cried since the day I let him die and now I can’t stop it. Her dad did it. He was laughing and drunk and screwing around with some woman as he took a corner and killed my son. My son. My boy, Ashton.

* * *

“Adrian… you all right, man?” Colt’s voice.

The light’s gone out now. I have no idea how long I’ve been lying here. I lift my head. Colt is crouched next to me. The light from the hallway shines down on Cheye

“You okay? Delaney called us.”

“Her dad killed my son,” tumbles out.

Cheye

“Fuck,” Colt curses. “Son?”

I see the pity in his eyes and I fucking hate it.

“Come on, man. Let’s go. Come with us. We’ll figure this out.” He grabs my arm and tries to help me up, but I jerk away and sit up, still clutching Ash’s shirt.

“I gotta get the fuck out of here.” As soon as I’m on my feet, Colt is too.

“Then I’ll go with you. We’ll take off. However long you want. Chey doesn’t care, right, baby?”

“No,” she says. “Whatever you guys need, do it.”

I’ve said before how real he is, how real they both are, but I didn’t realize how much until this second. He would leave his girl to take off with me if I need it. She would let him. “You’re a good guy, man. Real. Stay with your girl. You need each other. Don’t worry about me.” I just want out. I need to breathe and get away from everyone so I can try and lose myself again. It hurts too fucking much to get close.

I walk away from him. “Don’t do this. Don’t fucking bail like this, Adrian,” he says, but I know he won’t try to stop me. Colt doesn’t work that way.

“Please?” Cheye

“Now you have him, so you don’t need me.” I kiss her forehead and walk out. Walk away to get lost again, Ash’s shirt still tight in my grip.

Chapter Twenty-Two

~Delaney~

His son, his son, his son. How could Ashton have been his son? But then… he’d been sixteen when Ashton was born. He’d given legal custody to Angel. According to the law, she was his. It’s not like Mom talked about it. Or that Maddox or I had gone to court with Dad—or if they would have even mentioned something like that there.

His son. My father killed his son. Adrian saw his little boy die. And he has the guilt of thinking he should have been able to protect him like he thought he should his mom.

I jump out of my bed and hardly make it to the bathroom before I’m vomiting. Everything purges out of my stomach until it cramps. Until I’m gagging and dry-heaving and there’s nothing left in me.

Flushing the toilet, I lie right there on the cold bathroom floor. Somehow I still have tears left and I let them fall. Couldn’t stop them if I wanted to and the whole time I see Adrian.

His son, his son, his son.

* * *

It’s been two days and I haven’t left the house. Work calls, but I don’t answer. I can hardly make myself leave the bed. My brother hasn’t come home. I’ve called him a million times, but he doesn’t pick up. He’s never stayed gone like this before. Never just left me like he did. Maddox always answers when I call. He’s always there when I need him.

But now he’s not…

Just like Adrian… he’s gone.

* * *

“Cheye

“I know who it is.” Her voice is clipped. “Well, I thought I knew who you were. I definitely didn’t know you were tied to Adrian’s past somehow. Definitely didn’t know you’d wreck him like you did.”

I know I deserve the anger in her voice. I deserve more than that and I’m glad she’s doing it. Glad Adrian has her.

There’s a part of me that wants to cry, but God, I’m so tired of crying, of folding, but I don’t know if I can do anything else.

“Hurting Adrian is the last thing I wanted. I know it doesn’t seem that way, but it’s true. I love him.”

She sighs on the other end of the phone. “What happened? I’ve… I’ve never seen him like that. It’s like he was gone. His eyes were empty. Adrian doesn’t say much, but you can always tell he has so much going on inside him.”

I play those words over and over in my head. Let them echo and penetrate each layer, no matter how much it hurts. “I know…” I curl up in the corner of my bed, like it will somehow protect me from the truth. “I did that. I know it, and my intentions don’t matter. I just wanted… I wanted to try and find a way we could all make it out of this without so much pain. But I took too long to tell him. How is he?”

“I don’t know. He’s gone. What do you expect? It’s not like Adrian’s going to tell us. We didn’t even know… he really had a son?”

My mouth opens and I start to talk. I tell her about my family, my dad and what he did. About my mom. Even about seeing Angel. I admit that I came here to find him and that I basically lied… but then I tell her how much I love him. And how he makes me feel and how incredible he is. When I stop, she’s crying.

“We never knew… How could he not have told Colt at least?”