Facade

“After I told you that, you still want to save me? First Mom, then Adrian, and now me? If you’re smart, you’ll leave us all the hell alone and save yourself.”

With that he pulls his arm out of my hand and slams the door.

I need to go find my brother…

I need to check on my mom…

I need to tell Adrian…

All I wanted to do was save us, one of us… and I probably just lost us all.

Chapter Twenty-One

~Adrian~

I’m sitting in the car with Oscar and a few other people wishing they would shut the fuck up. Each word they speak or each time they laugh it’s like someone shooting a BB gun at my head. It’s not killing me yet, just an a

I need a distraction. To keep me busy and my mind off my ghost. After being in the hotel room, remembering how peaceful it felt, how much like a fucking home, they called and wanted to come over and I remembered that room and thought of my house and I wished like hell I could make it like that.

That my walls weren’t tinged with weed smoke and beer stains weren’t ground into my carpet. For the first time I wanted it to be my solace and the idea of people fucking in rooms and dancing on the floors made me sick.

Now sitting in this car with them is doing the same thing.

I didn’t want to go to her. I need to cut the ties because I feel her in my chest and it’s not right to have anyone there. Not when I can’t do right by them.

“Why the fuck are you so quiet up there, Westfall?” some guy in the backseat says.

I don’t even know who he is. “Why the fuck do you care?”

Oscar laughs from the driver’s seat. “He’s always got that quiet thing going on. No one ever knows what he’s thinking.”

I don’t know what it is about those words, but they make me want to hit something. They make me want to bleed because they’re true and I’ve always wanted them to be true, but Christ is it lonely. I want to be alone…

And I do. I did. But I haven’t felt it lately. Not when I’m with her.

Suddenly every fucking nerve ending in my body needs to be with her. To really feel something. I never, ever let myself feel. Yes, I loved my sister, but only her. And then Ashton. Jesus, I fucking loved him, but Delaney makes me feel.

And it’s an ache building inside me, a need tearing me apart, wrecked by this tornado of what it felt like to be touched by her. Inside and out.

“I need you to bring me somewhere,” I tell Oscar.

“What? Where?”

I tell him and he looks at me like he gets it, but he doesn’t. He thinks I’m going to get laid, but what he doesn’t understand is sitting in that diner, watching her work, writing in my book would be better than this shit.

I’m over it. So fucking over it.

I know it won’t last and I know I can’t really keep her, but while she’s willing, I want to keep this going.

Oscar pulls into the parking lot and I get out. When I don’t see her car I tell him, “Hold up for a minute.”

“Hey.” Jamie, the hostess, smiles at me when I walk inside.

“What’s up?” I nod at her, but my eyes are sca

“She’s not here. She called in again. Between you and me, boss is pissed. Three days in a row. I wouldn’t be surprised if she loses her job.”

“It’s not her fault,” I tell Jamie before walking out. I check my phone and she hasn’t called and then I wonder what the hell I’m doing, tripping out because I haven’t heard from her and she didn’t go to work. She’s an adult. She can do what she wants and doesn’t owe me a damn thing.

I get back in the car. “Take me home, man,” I tell him.

He curses and says something about being a taxi.

“I’ll remember that next time you want to party at my house.”

He drives and they go back to listening to music and talking about shit that really doesn’t matter, but the whole time I’m letting my ghost haunt me. Fuck if I didn’t plan on trying to walk away, but then I went to the diner and she’s not there. I can’t stop trying to figure out why she wasn’t there.

It was too much… I was too fucking much.

I shouldn’t care.

But I do and I don’t know what to think about that.

Which is why it’s good she wasn’t there. To cut the ties now…

When we pull up in front of my house, Oscar moves to turn off the car. The thought of sitting in my house with them all night makes me sick. Makes me want to get out of the car and just keep fucking going.

“Not tonight, man. I have some shit to deal with.”

The light in his car is broken, so it doesn’t come on when I open the door. Without giving him time to reply, I get out and close the door behind me. I don’t know what time it is but know it has to be after ten when my ghost goes to work. It’s dark out when I walk up to my house. The closer I get, I realize there’s someone sitting by the door.

The second I see her, I know I’m in deep. Any thought of why I wanted to walk away from her seems crazy. The fact that I considered not going to the diner to see her tonight, fucking nuts.

She’s the rapid pulse in my neck and the welcomed ache in my chest and I want to talk to her and make love to her until there’s nothing else there but us.

I want to protect her. I don’t want to fail her.

Bending down next to her, I touch her hair. She looks up at me, only shadows in the dark of my porch. “What’s wrong, baby?” I ask her.

“How do you know something’s wrong?” Her voice is soft… too soft.

“Because you’re here sitting on my porch in the dark and the freezing cold instead of being at work. Because I can tell you’ve been crying.” Red rings the gray of her eyes. They’re swollen and sad.

Her chin starts to quiver, setting off a storm of worry raining down on me. Her tears rival my rain, so I pick her up and her arms go around my neck.

“I messed up, Adrian. I screwed everything up,” she says into my chest as I push into the house.

“Shhh… it’s okay. We’ll figure it out.” I can’t even explain how incredible it feels to hold her up. To be strong enough for both of us or to be here when she needs me. To be the one she comes to because she trusts me even though I’ve done nothing in my life to deserve anyone’s trust.

Without turning on the lights, I head straight to my room. Once we’re there, I lay her on the bed, switching the button on the small lamp on the table. The Count is sitting there, but it doesn’t matter and I don’t hide it.

“Is it your brother? Was he pissed you left with me? I’ll talk to him—”

“No.” She shakes her head. “I mean, Maddox and I got into it, but it’s not your fault. He told me about Mom getting out of the hospital, and at first he didn’t know where she was… that brought up some other stuff. He left right after that and I haven’t seen him.”

“Shit.” I stroke her hair as she lies on my pillow. All I can think is it’s the first time she’s been in my bed, but it feels like it should be hers too. Or that she has a place there. I like the fact that her head is on Ashton’s shirt. That’s she’s close to him even though she doesn’t know anything about him. “So let’s go find them.” I know this has to be killing her. I’m surprised she’s here now instead of out looking for them. She protects and takes care of the people she loves. It’s what she does and I suddenly feel like shit for being gone all night and keeping her from what she needs to do.

She shakes her head and starts crying harder. Her hands move up, trying to wipe the tears way.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to be strong. Break if you need to. Let me help you the way you did with me.”