Facade

“You won’t, Adrian. God, if you could only see. You’re so much better than you give yourself credit for.”

I let her think that’s true. Wish it was. And I know I should be man enough to return her words, but I can’t, so I give her what I can.

“Haunt me,

my little ghost,

Possess me.

Live inside me,

And scare away my sins

Until there’s nothing left.

But you.”

Chapter Twenty

~Delaney~

In the morning, I don’t have to open my eyes to know I’m alone in the bed. The knowledge adds another weight to the anchor already holding me down. I should be floating. Part of me is. I love Adrian. I really, really do. And he didn’t freak out when I told him. He didn’t say it back and I didn’t expect him to. Maybe I’m even partly glad he didn’t because I wouldn’t want him to admit something like that with the weight of my betrayal between us.

But he didn’t run and the words he spoke were the most beautiful to ever touch my ears. Love and life and all the things that matter in this world live inside Adrian and he’s shown me those pieces of him. I want to honor them and treasure them and lock them away in my heart forever.

Live inside me, he’d said, and I want to be there, the way he already inhabits me.

Which means I have to tell him right away and hope there is some way to salvage what we have between us. Because I know when I do, he might hate me. Odds are he will.

The door to our room clicks and I know it’s absolutely ridiculous, but I keep my eyes closed, not ready to see him. But it’s hard, so very hard because my heart is calling to him and I want to soak in every part of him that I can.

The bed dips next to me and his hand pushes the hair away from my face.

“Don’t open your eyes,” he whispers, which immediately makes them pop open. “I knew you would cheat.” He winks at me.

My heart flips, the way he tossed those perfect pancakes into the air.

He’s not perfect, but he’s sexy and beautifully broken, inspiring and passionate and everything at the same time.

“It’s impossible not to open your eyes when someone tells you not to,” I say.

“Then close your eyes.” His hand moves to my forehead and then slides down, as though it is magical, making my eyes obey.

There’s a rustling sound. My lips stretch into a smile and happiness bursts inside me, sending confetti all through me at the sweet scent that hits my nose.

“Open your eyes now, Little Ghost.”

I do and they fill with tears. I don’t try to stop them as they roll down my face and soak into the pillows we slept on last night.

“You bought me a caramel apple?” My voice cracks.

“Not to make you cry.” He wipes my tears and holds it out to me. “You wear your emotions so openly. That’s a gift. Don’t ever lose that.”

“I won’t.” I can hardly get the words out as I sit up and take the apple from him.

He opens another for himself and we lean against the headboard and eat caramel apples for breakfast, me still naked and him cold from braving the weather.

“Tell me more about you and your father,” he says.

As much as the ache in my stomach hurts with his question, I want to share all of my life with him too. “Maddox used to play football. He was incredible. It was his and Dad’s thing… That stopped all of a sudden. I don’t know why, but then Dad started paying more attention to me. I thought I was lucky. Everything he ever told us was a lie, though. I hate that I looked up to him.” This could maybe be the perfect time to tell him, but it doesn’t feel right to do it here. To tell him away from home where he doesn’t have his friends or anything else familiar to hold on to.

“At least with my old man, I always knew he was a bastard. He only hid it from the world, but not us.”

“Maddox has always been there for me, though. He would do anything for me… maybe that’s not always a good thing. He never does anything for himself and he carries too much blame for things that aren’t his fault.”

I expect Adrian to make a sarcastic comment. It’s not like Maddox made the best impression. The only time they’ve really met, he punched Adrian for no reason. Still, Adrian doesn’t let anything negative past his lips.

“He’s solid, then. Does the right thing for the people he loves. It’s so much fucking easier to be weak.”

“You’re not weak,” I tell him. Maybe it’s not the right thing to say. Maybe I’m not supposed to realize he’s talking about himself, but I do and I hate it. Nerves twitch around inside me, but I ignore them. Turn to him and crawl onto his lap, straddle him, the apple in one hand, and hook a finger of the other under his chin like he’s done to me, so I make sure he’s seeing me. “You are so much more than you see, Adrian.”

“You’re naked and on my lap, baby. It’s not like I’m looking anywhere but at you.” He grins and I know he’s trying not to really hear what I’m saying.

“I’m being serious. I’m not letting you deflect this. You’re like this live energy that gets under my skin. You make me feel alive. You show me beauty in everything. You brought me a caramel apple,” I say again.

“I’ll buy you one every day if it makes you look at me like that,” he says, and then leans toward me. “And if I get to lick the caramel off your lips.” And he does. Then we make love again before I ask him to shower with me.

“If anyone could wash away my sins, it would be you,” he says.

Those words grind my heart to dust. “Adrian.”

He shakes his head, changes the subject. “I’ll introduce you to shower sex.”

He does and it’s wonderful. I’m achy in so many places, but it’s a good ache. A satisfied ache that I welcome. And then it’s over and I miss every part of it.

All too soon we’re packing our clothes to go home. There are a million reasons we have to go back. I can’t fake sick another night at work and Maddox is likely to lose it if I don’t come home. Adrian has a life to get back to as well. We have to go home so I can tell him and earn his forgiveness. But so badly I want to open my mouth and tell him Let’s stay. That I don’t want to go back.

“It’s back to the real world when we leave this room, Little Ghost.”

“You read my mind. I wish we could lock ourselves in here and never come out.”

He nods as though he agrees and kisses me on the forehead. Without the words, I know what he’s saying. What he’s thinking. There are no promises when we leave. Especially once he learns the truth.

* * *

Adrian pulls up next to his car at my apartment complex. Maddox’s motorcycle is here and I can honestly see him coming down and taking another shot at Adrian. Even though Adrian gets it, I don’t think he would be so understanding a second time.

“I’d invite you up, but…”

“Yeah. I’m a little too tired to fight your brother today.”

We get out of the car. Adrian tosses his bag into the passenger seat and I stand on the sidewalk, waiting, unsure of what to do or where we are. He looks at me and I think he’s wondering the same thing. Finally a partial smile teases his kissable lips and he says, “Come here.” Only he’s walking to me as he says it. Our mouths meet perfectly as I stand on the curb and him in the parking lot.

I wish I could taste the caramel on his tongue. Savor the feel as he deepens the kiss and weaves his hand through my hair.

“What are you doing in the morning?” I ask him when we part. “I was thinking I could come over when I get off…” Because I need to talk to you. Because I’m telling you the truth.

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I’ll call you.”

He’s pulling away, but I won’t let him. I can’t. No matter what, I have to go to his house in the morning.