Charade

              Longer even.

              My heart aches for him—breaks for him and for her. For everyone because this world will be a little more lonely without her in it.

              I’ve only known her a short amount of time and I know that.

              His stomach growl, but don’t ask if he wants food. I know he’ll say no.

              I look at Colt. Look at Bev and flash to Mom telling me goodbye. Flash to what her bones must have looked like in those woods. Alone. I’m glad Bev won’t have to go alone like that.

              Glad Colt and I won’t be left by ourselves either.

              He sits up enough to rub a hand through his hair. It’s as messy as I’ve ever seen it. His leg bounces up and down. But he hasn’t shed a tear.

              For the first time, he turns and looks at me. The pain in his eyes rips through my chest and makes tears spring to my eyes. I’m not as strong as he is.

              “Don’t cry,” he whispers. “Not yet. You didn’t cry for yourself for so long. If you do it now, make it for her, not me.”

              I nod. He leans away from the bed enough to run a hand down the side of my face. To push my hair behind my ear.

              The smile he gives me is worse than weeping. It’s broken. Pained.

              And just that quickly his hand is gone and his head is turned and he’s leaning on the bed again. Holding her hand and watching her breathe. The breaths that I begin to count the second between.

              Maggie’s in and out. The hospice nurse too. Colt doesn’t talk to them. They speak to me, but mostly I think they want to leave us alone with her while we wait for her to go.

~CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE~

Colt

              Mom’s eyes flutter open for the first time in hours. Five to be exact. They dart around the room, fear peering out of them.

              “What is it? What’s wrong? Do you need the nurse?”

              “I’m late for work!” she says and tries to get up.

              Work? She hasn’t worked in a year. “Mom…you don’t work. You’re…” I can’t manage to say it. “Do you need the nurse?”

              “I don’t want to get fired. I need the money. My son…” She looks scared to death. Pulls her hand away from me.

              My heart is racing. My body numb. Does she not know who I am? “It’s me. I’m your son. You don’t have to work. You just need to rest.”

              “Colton?” her voice cracks, confusion still splintering through.

              “Yeah. Yeah it’s me.” It’s me. I have to tell her who I am. I want to scream. To throw up. To wake up from this shitty ass nightmare and find out everything’s okay.

              “Colton…” she says again, this time with recognition. The nurse comes into the room again, fills a syringe and shoots more pain medicine into her.

              One, two, three.

              Her eyes flutter.

              Four, five, six.

              She’s asleep again.

              I fall into the chair.

              I’ve already lost her.

~CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR~

Cheye

              Colt’s said a few words, but nothing major. I’ve held him and given him space. Maggie’s brought food we haven’t touched. The only time we leave is to go to the restroom.

              It’s four hours later when her eyes finally open again. How many hours have we been here? I hold my breath. I think my heart stops too.

              Please let her be okay. Let her know who he is. Let him be able to say goodbye.

“I…wish…you…didn’t…have…to…look…so…sad…” she says, weakly smiling.

              I feel the tension leak out of Colt’s body.

              “Mom. Hey. How do you feel?”

              “Happy to see you,” she replies.

              I know I shouldn’t. That I should be strong, but I can’t fight the tears from falling down my face. Can’t hold them back or reel them in.

              And it’s not all from sadness. I see the way she looks at him and it’s beautiful. She loves him the way a mother should love their child. Thoroughly. Completely. To her, he’s the most important person in the world and I’m so very happy they have that.

              “Always trying to get on my good side,” Colt tries to tease. I love him more for it.

              She reaches for his hand. I didn’t realize they’d let go. He gives it to her and she squeezes.

              “Let me talk to Cheye

              “It’s okay,” she says. “It’ll just be a minute.”

              I cry harder. I need to stop, but I can’t make myself do it. I wipe my eyes as Colt stands up. He kisses her cheek. Stands and drops his forehead against mine.

              No words are needed. We just lean into each other. “We’ll be okay,” I whisper.

              He nods.

              “I love you.”

              “You too.” And then he’s gone. I take his chair and have to lean in close so I can hear her.

              “You’re beautiful together.” Her chin trembles, which makes me cry again.

              “I love him. He’s…”

              “Frustrating.”

              I smile. “Yes.”

              “But he’s wonderful too.” Her voice sounds so proud in that moment. You wouldn’t know she was sick. She’s just a mom proud of her son.

              “You guys think you fooled me in the begi

              I nod because she’s right. I’m not surprised she knows. I’m honored she sees it’s real now.

              “Take care of him.”

              The words snap me like a twig. “I will.” I can hardly get out between my sobs. I squeeze her hand and rest my cheek on it. “I will, I will, I will.”

              “Take care of you too. And let him. He doesn’t realize it, but he’s good at taking care of people.”

              “He is.” I say this with as much conviction as she spoke with. “He takes good care of me.”

              “You have to be able to take care of yourself too. Both you and Colton. It’s okay to lean, but you both need to know how strong you are too.”

              “I—”

              “Your mom loved you,” Bev cuts me off. I gasp. My tears are ru

              “She loved you. It would be impossible not to. She might not always have known how to show it. She might not have always done the right thing, but she loved you. She loved you,” she says again.

              “Thank you.” I say it over and over. Until my throat is raw. Until she knows how much those words mean to me because somehow they have to be real if she says it.

              “He loves you,” she adds. “And I love you. You’re everything I could have hoped for, for him.”

              I can’t stop myself. I stand up and lean down to rest my head on her chest. The tears don’t stop. She shushes me. Runs a hand through my hair. It’s the same thing Colt does and I wonder how many bruised knees and bad days she soothed for him this way.

              Finally, when the tears are gone, I sit up. “Thank you. I love you too.”

              A quick nod is my reply. “I need Colton.” Her voice is laced with pain. Broken and bleeding with it. “I need my boy.”

~CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE~

Colt

              My feet are weighed down, but I somehow manage to make them move. Chey’s in the hallway as I close Mom’s bedroom door.

              I don’t know if it’s okay or if it’s right or if it makes me the weakest son-of-a-bitch on the planet, but I crawl into bed with her, hoping and praying I don’t hurt her. All I know is I need her.