Come to Me Quietly

Five steps down, she stood there, unmoving, before her head slowly began to shake, her lips trembling as tears broke loose. Her eyes squeezed shut. She dropped her face, her free hand in a fist as she spoke toward the concrete steps. “You came back.”

Her voice ached with uncertainty and loss, swam with turmoil, echoed the broken girl I’d left standing in the middle of the lot screaming my name.

And it stung. This girl had been hurting just as badly as me.

But what had I expected? That she was fine? That there’d been a second’s chance that she’d moved on like I promised her she would?

I mean, damn it, there’d been no denying what I felt in her touch.

And there was no denying now how I hurt her.

Lines creased between my eyes. “How could I not?” My hand fluttered in her direction, wishing I could make every fucking inch of space separating us disappear. “I lied to you, Aly. That night… ” I swallowed hard as my attention shot to the place where I’d left her behind before I angled it back on her. “I left knowing I could never forget you, but praying somehow you could forget me. And I know I shouldn’t be here. I know I should give you a chance to forget, but, Aly… I miss you.”

I missed her. God, I missed her.

Aly looked up at me through the hair shielding her face, the face that was all twisted in grief, soaked with tears and the scars I’d carved in her spirit.

“Aly – ”

Harshly, she shook her head, a quick command for silence. She didn’t look away from me as she slowly started up the steps. She edged to the left, and I turned to let her by. An overwhelming fear of rejection punched me in the gut when I realized I was too late.

Until she glanced up at me as she passed, her eyes imploring. Please.

On the landing, Aly fumbled with her keys and unlocked the door, left it open in invitation as she went inside. She didn’t stop when she dumped that huge-ass purse from her shoulder and onto the floor, the act rushing me with all these memories of the days I’d spent waiting for her to walk through that door. Shit. Could I be more of a fool? Because here I was, asking for the same thing I’d been asking for before, seeking out her comfort when I knew it could never be something I would deserve. What the hell did I think had changed? But something had… I felt it deep… whatever had struck me that night on the deserted road in Nevada, the night I realized I wanted to live. That I had something to live for.

Because I wanted to live for her.

I wanted it. I wanted to be with her. And I didn’t fucking want to hide it anymore.

I hesitated at the threshold before I stepped through. Inside, the apartment was the same, but somehow it felt vacant, like I’d missed too much of what had happened behind this door in the months I’d been away.

Quietly, I latched it shut.

Aly didn’t spare me a glance as she disappeared into her room. I trailed a ways behind, not knowing what to expect. At the doorway, I paused. Twilight encroached on the room, natural light fading as the last was sucked into the night. Shadows danced and played, taunted and teased. So much had been shared between us here, things that changed lives and hearts and realities.

Aly stood at the foot of her bed, facing the window, her arms crossed over her chest, hugging herself, like she was struggling to keep herself from falling to her knees. Her shoulders jerked, and I knew she was crying as she tried to hold herself together.

Roughly, I scrubbed my palms over my face because I realized I wanted that to be me – I wanted to be the man who was strong enough to lift her up when she fell. But I was weak, fucking inept, and I didn’t know how to make myself right when everything inside me was wrong.

Still I wanted to try. I was determined to try.

Apparently her door had long since been repaired, but not the damage I’d done. I clicked it shut behind me. I plodded across the floor and turned her dressing table chair out to face the room. I settled on it, my elbows finding my knees, my entire frame hunched over in submission.

A dense silence blanketed the room.

“Aly, tell me what you’re thinking,” I finally begged. The words sounded like gravel as they scraped up my throat. “If you want me to go, just say it, and I’ll walk out that door, and I promise you, this time you’ll never see me again.” Maybe I was too late. Maybe she had moved on. God, I couldn’t fucking bear the thought, the thought of someone else touching her, the idea of someone else loving my girl. That same old insanity rose in me. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to temper it, to block it out, because I had no right to claim her. But damn if I didn’t want to.

I felt her moving toward me, and my lids fluttered open, my face pinched as I lifted my gaze to take her in. Warily she approached with her head hung low, her movements all slow and unsure.

“You think I don’t want you here?” Hurt overwhelmed her expression. “Did you not believe what I told you, Jared? Or did you think what happened between us was just a game to me? I meant every single word. I gave myself to you.” She beat her fist out in front of her, each strike pounding the air with emphasis, before she drew it up to the valley between her breasts, just over her heart. “I haven’t been able to sleep in three months… three months… because all I could do was worry about you.”

Her bottom lip trembled, and she sucked it between her teeth. “Look at you. God, Jared, you break my heart. What happened to you?” She reached out and ran the back of her hand along the fading bruises on my cheek and fluttered her fingertips over the puckered skin extending out right above my left ear. My hair had grown long enough to barely cover the rest of the scar that snaked around to the back of my head.

I’d been lucky. That’s what they said. How many times had I heard it before? This time when I woke up in the ICU, the doctor had granted me no pleasantries. Point-blank, he’d told me, “You should be dead.” And he’d looked at me like maybe he thought I deserved to be.

“I happened.” I sat up straighter, lifting my chin so I could meet her eye, because I had no defense. “It’s always me. I’m a fucking mess, Aly, but without you, I’m a disaster. I… ” I winced, cutting my attention to the shadows on her floor, before I gathered enough courage to look back up at her. “You make me better. I don’t even know what I’m doing here, but those three months I spent with you were the best of my life. You made me feel things I’ve never felt before.”

Made me feel things I never thought I could feel, things I thought I wasn’t allowed to feel, things that hinted at joy and swam thick with affection. And I was feeling them now, all these emotions swarming me, a tug-of-war of confusion and need.

Aly’s exhale was palpable as it rushed across my face, her movements tentative as she inched forward, her legs knocking into my knees. Maybe there was something reminiscent of the first night when she’d pushed us over the edge, that intense desperation that had been present when she asked me to stay. But tonight, nothing in her intentions seemed seductive like they’d been then. If anything, she looked scared.

Fuck. I couldn’t get my leg to stop bouncing as she slowly crawled onto my lap, straddling me, her warmth covering me whole.

It took about all I had not to crush her to me.

Fingertips gentled along my jaw, and she inclined her head to the side. “You can’t understand how much I missed you,” she whispered through the torment that wouldn’t seem to let her go.

But she was wrong. It might be the only thing I could understand.

Shaking, I took her face in my hands, the tips of my fingers weaving in her hair. She reached up to cover them with hers.

“Jared,” she whispered. Tears streaked down her face, hot and fast.