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I wanted to be a part of that. Even if my only purpose was to give him a flicker of hope.
Work turned out to be just the distraction I needed. The lunch rush had the diner packed with customers, and my hands stayed busy with menial tasks while my mind stayed close to Jared. But I itched to be back in his arms.
Still I found myself driving to my parents’ house after I finished my shift. I wasn’t quite sure what it was, but I felt like I needed to get my feet back on solid ground, to be granted a sense of certainty, before I offered myself back up to uncertainty.
I knocked once before I opened the door. “Mom?” I called. There was no answer, and I walked through the silent house. “Dad?”
Out the sliding glass door, I caught a glimpse of them. They were curled up together on one of those two-person loungers by the pool. For a second, I remained still, watching. Wearing bathing suits and sunglasses, they had their faces turned to the blistering summer sky. Dad sat up higher, his arm draped casually around the top of Mom’s head, his fingers mindlessly toying with her hair.
They’d always been natural together. Comfortable. Even when they fought.
I shook my head and slid open the door.
Mom jumped and shot up in the lounger. Her hand went to cover her heart. “Oh my God, Aly, you scared me.”
“I always scare you, Mom.” I laughed as I stepped into the backyard. “You just jumped, like, ten feet in the air.” No surprise there.
Dad chuckled and tugged at her hair. “See? Even Aly knows what a twitchy little thing you are.”
Mom playfully swatted him across the chest. “I’m not jumpy. I’m vigilant. There’s a big difference.”
Dad pushed himself up to a sitting position. He lifted his sunglasses from his eyes and ran his hand over his face, then turned to me. “So, how are you, sweetheart?”
“Good… really good. How have you been?”
“Oh, you know, just the same,” he answered absently, never one to call much attention to himself.
I loved my dad. He was the kind who was fiercely protective, one who would willingly stand in front of a moving train if it meant he could spare someone he cared about even an ounce of suffering.
It also meant he would never understand about Jared.
Black and white. Good and bad. Even after everything Jared had gone through, Dad still could only see Jared as a punk kid who had taken his family further down in the midst of all their hurt, rather than realizing he was just a boy who couldn’t find his way out of the pain. A week before Jared had been sent away, Dad had actually forbidden Christopher to ever see Jared again. But it wasn’t as if Jared had been trying to hang out with Christopher. At that time, he was already gone, mentally, emotionally. Just… gone.
No question, Dad would see Jared as a threat now. One to his family. One to me.
“So, what are you doing here?” Mom maneuvered off the lounger and pranced across the hot concrete in her bare feet. She hugged me close, then held me by the upper arms and leaned back to take me in. She squeezed in emphasis. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“Well, that’s why I’m here,” I said dryly, shooting her a small smirk promising I was just playing around, affection shining in my eyes. I’d missed her, too.
She gri
“I’m good.”
Mom smiled and softly inclined her head. “Come on, let’s get something to drink.” She slid the door open. “Do you want anything, Dave?” she called behind her.
“No… I’m fine.” Dad lay back on the lounger, folding his hands over his chest.
I ran across to him and kissed him on the cheek. “Love you, Dad.”
“Love you, too, sweetheart.”
I skipped back across the yard and into the house. Inside, Mom was pouring two glasses of iced tea. She handed me one.
“Thank you.”
She sipped at her tea, eyeing me over her glass. I prepared for the inquisition.
“So you just popped by, huh? After I haven’t seen you in more than a month and after you never called so we could have a shopping day? I think something’s up… and judging by that smile that keeps creeping to your mouth, I’d guess it’s a boy.” The last she sang as she wiggled her shoulders.
As hard as I tried to hold it in, I let go of a small, self-conscious giggle and felt the flush the second it lit my cheeks. Even though what Jared and I had shared last night had been incredibly intense, that he’d left this heaviness weighing down the deepest recesses of my heart, there was another piece of me that felt light.
Like maybe I’d just experienced my first kiss.
Mom’s eyes widened. I’d never talked boys with her because there’d never been anything to say. None of them had mattered except for the one I’d kept from her. But Mom was all about girl talk. I remembered her and Helene staying up until all hours of the night, sharing a bottle of wine while they just talked and laughed, lost themselves in their secrets and dreams. I wondered now how much she missed those days.
“Am I right?” Mom prodded, the words teasing, although she looked on me with a slow tenderness as she ribbed me. She knew I’d always been private about these things, only because I’d never had enough courage to tell her.
I’d come so close to telling her that night. Terrified and shaking, I’d gotten as far as her bedroom door, ready to confide in her. But I’d frozen, paralyzed, when I heard her crying behind it, the vibration of Dad’s harsh, angry voice overriding her tears. After more minutes than I could count, I’d turned to find Christopher staring at me in shocked disbelief, as if all of us were set adrift and had been scattered to deal with things none of us could handle.
Never again had I mentioned his name. That’s the way we’d all handled it until the day he returned.
“Aren’t you always?” I hopped up onto the counter and swung my legs the way I did when I was a little girl.
Amused lines deepened at the corners of Mom’s eyes. “No, not always. Most of the time,” she added with a wink, “but not always.” She leaned up on the counter next to me. “So, tell me about this boy who makes those green eyes dance.”
I squeezed both shoulders in a confused shrug and blew the air from my pursed lips. How could Jared be contained by simple words? I looked at her, and again I could feel the admission trembling on my lips. “He scares me, Mom.”
She stilled, her hand clamping down on her glass before she shakily set it down and turned to face me. “What do you mean, he scares you? Aly – ”
“No, not like that, Mom.” I cut her off, struggling for words. “It’s just… it hurts to care about him so much.” It always had and it felt good to finally admit it aloud.
She searched my face. “Oh my God, Aly… you love him?”
I didn’t answer.
“How long have you been seeing him? I don’t… Who is he?” Mom seemed to flounder through her thoughts, like maybe it stung that I was just telling her this now.
Guilt swept through me. After all these years, I was still keeping him a secret. “I don’t even know what we are, Mom. I just care about him, so much, and when we’re together I… ” I frowned, blinked, then let the truth flow free. “It feels like the best thing that ever happened to me.”
She moved in front of me and softly ran a lock of my hair through two of her fingers, this wistful expression on her face. “Love is the best thing that will ever happen to you, Aly.”
Slowly I nodded as I let her words take hold. My voice was rough. “Thank you, Mom. You don’t know how much I needed to hear that.”
“You know that’s what I’m here for,” she whispered. Then she shook herself off and stepped back, her voice returning to normal. “So, when do I get to meet this mystery man? Oh, why don’t you bring him over for di