Left Drowning

I am not exactly slurring, but I’m close. “Take a right here. And then go straight to the end of the road. The piece-of-crap mansion is going to be there.”

“I wish no one had told you the location or date. Or anything about this.”

“Yeah? Well, me, too, but they’re all big blabbermouths.”

We drive past an SUV that is parked at the start of the pebbled road that leads to the large and elegant yellow home. The scene of the crime, as far as I’m concerned. It’s quiet here today with only a few cars pulled up out front. James pulls over halfway to the house but keeps the car ru

“I’m not going to vandalize the place. Jeez.” Although the idea of egging it is not a bad one. If I had eggs. I stare at the house. Fine, I admit, it’s beautiful. So to compensate I holler, “Look at that stupid wraparound porch with a view of the ocean. And the stupid floral garlands hanging there. Honestly! The place is wretched!” I check my watch. Thirty minutes until the wedding. “I bet everyone is go

“You shouldn’t be here. Seeing this,” James says. “Don’t do this to yourself.” He squints. “What’s up with this place, though? You said the wedding was supposed to be small, but how come there are no other cars in the lot?”

“Don’t know, don’t care. What’s important is that I’m go

“I can’t say for sure, but I’d be surprised if we did.”

“I swear to God that we have swords.” I open the car door. “James, we do! I bought some at the supermarket because I thought it’d be fu

James stops the ignition, comes out of the car, and starts repacking everything that I’ve removed.

“AHA! I HAVE LOCATED THE SWORDS!” I scream triumphantly. I hold up the ziplock bag of multicolored drink accessories.

James laughs. “Feel better?”

“I feel zillions better. Now I can drink some rum. And prepare my disruptive speech. Should I start with how the bride is boring and useless or how I think he’s an idiot and a pussy?”

“Wow. Both, you know, really good options. Let’s think for a minute.”

As I am in the process of struggling to open the bag, which in my opinion, is intricately sealed in a mind-boggling way, I hear loud whooping and cheering from behind me. I turn around and watch as a small group of people runs in our direction at top speed.

“James?”

“Yeah?” He is standing with his hands on his hips, looking at what I’m looking at.

“Am I a little drunk or are there some people ru

“You are definitely a little drunk. And there are people ru

I lift up my sunglasses. “Fancy ru

“Yes, probably.” He sighs. “Hey, wait a minute. Isn’t that … Sabin?”

“Oh. No, that person is ru

But as they get closer, I see that, in fact, Sabin is leading Eric, Zach, Chris, and Estelle in a high-speed race. Even in her long, fitted purple dress and heels, Estelle keeps up with them. “Thank God!” she is hollering over and over.

I lean against the open trunk and drop some swords into my thermos while I watch dumbfounded as they run past us. I am clearly hammered out of my mind.

I look at James. “What the fuck is happening?”

He shakes his head.

I hear a “Holy shit!” and a moment later Sabin is standing in front of me. He is sweating in his suit, even with his tie off and draped around his neck and the top buttons of his shirt undone. There is more hollering, and then Estelle, Zach, Eric, and finally Chris are lined up behind the car. I blink a few times.

I lean in and whisper in James’s ear. “I think you need to take me to the emergency room because I am hallucinating.”

“Blythe!” Sabin bear-hugs me, and I spill rum punch down his back.

“Would you like a mini plastic sword?” I ask.

“I would! I would!” He lifts me up, and I am eye level with Chris.

Chris is handsome beyond words. Flushed cheeks, bright eyes, and a smile that nearly makes me weep. When Sabin finally puts me down, I shuffle backward until I am sitting on the bumper in front of the luggage. I get hugs from the group, except from Chris, who stays awkwardly where he is. I hear James introducing himself to everyone but Sabin, whom he’s already met a few times. I am too busy trying to get my eyes to transmit information properly to my brain to deal with normal social graces.

“What are you doing here?” Estelle asks, her eyes shining with excitement. “I can’t believe this!”

I start giggling and can’t stop. James is rolling his eyes and finally answers for me. “We’re heading up to our parents’ vacation house for the summer. We made a … pit stop. Um, to say congratulations.”

“Noooooo.” I sneer at my brother. “That is entirely inaccurate.” I point at Chris. “I totally did not want to come to your horrible wedding, but I felt an obligation to tell you what an ass you are and that you should definitely, definitely not be getting married. Under any circumstances. But now you look so cute and everything in your suit, and that makes me feel awful.” I assess the others. “Actually, all of you look cute. But Chris looks the cutest. You, my friend, look like a fucking god in that tuxedo.”

Chris smiles at me. “Are you drunk?”

“Yes, I’m fucking drunk,” I snarl at him. “Why wouldn’t I be drunk? Everyone gets drunk at a wedding. Especially your wedding. So screw this. Go off and get married. Have fun. I hope the appetizers give you food poisoning.”

Sabin laughs and takes the thermos from my hand. “Now things are really getting fun.”

“We can toast to you just graduating. Oh. Happy graduation! Yay!” I then lean forward with a wobble. “Watch out. There are mini plastic swords floating in there.”

He takes a swig. “They add a nice flavor.”

“I know, right? I think it’s the green ones that do that. Green swords have superpowers.”

James clears his throat. “I’m sorry. I tried to tell her this wasn’t a good idea.”

“That’s correct!” I shout. “He did. He did do that.” I hiccup violently. “But now I recognize that it’s stupendously tasteless and tacky to break up a wedding.” I turn to my brother. “James. Psst! James. I’m feeling very embarrassed. I’d like to depart this venue.”

“We’re going to get on the road,” he tells the group. “So very sorry about this. Really.”

“There is no wedding,” Eric says quickly. “It’s not going to happen.”

“What?” This information does, in fact, reach my brain.