Incinerate

I watch as he swallows hard, but I’m on a roll and I can’t stop. “I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but that’s only because we both had stuff we needed to work through. Neither one of us could’ve guessed that we’d end up working through them together. Whether you realize it or not, that’s exactly what we did. You see me, Knox, and you let me be me. And I do the same for you. I think that’s all either of us has ever needed, but we didn’t know it until now. I know this is probably way too soon, but Rugged, I love you. Love you when you’re sweet, and I love you just as much when you’re driving me crazy. I can’t imagine a life without you in it and I pray I never have to.”

Letting out a deep breath, I can’t believe I just said all that. His eyes are darting back and forth, and I didn’t miss the sharp inhale at the L word.

Rubbing a hand over his head, he then drops it and grabs my own. “Charlie—” he begins, but I cut him off. I can’t hear how it’s too soon or that he’s not ready or whatever else he’s about to say when I’m seconds away from seeing my dad.

“I don’t need you to say anything, Knox. I just needed you to know,” I say before turning around and leaving him in the waiting room alone to process everything I’ve just said.

Chapter 35

Charlie

WALKING INTO Dad’s room, I’m still shaky from what I just admitted to Knox, but I’m so glad I did. His words replay in my mind as I hear him telling me to be strong, and I vow to do just that. But when I see Dad looking so pale and weak, it’s hard to do. For Wade Davenport, I’d do anything, so I square up my shoulders and cross the room, pulling a chair up to his bedside.

“Hey, Charlie,” he says, sitting up a little taller in his bed. “Sorry to ruin your weekend getaway.”

Leaning in, I give him a kiss on the cheek before taking a seat next to him. Grabbing his hand, I shake my head. “The weather in Florida was shit, anyway,” I joke, even though I know it really wasn’t.

“Yeah, who needs all the sun and sand? I’d much rather be in forty-degree temperatures this time of year,” he jokes.

“Oh yeah, it was complete torture.”

He grins, and I love seeing him smile. “How was the wedding? Did you have a good time?” he asks, and I have to shake my head that he’s even concerned about it.

“It was great, Dad. Up until the point where you interrupted my dance with a sexy soldier,” I tell him, gri

“I’m sorry, Charlie. I wish Olivia hadn’t called you. It wasn’t a big deal. I’ll be out of the hospital in a few days. There was no reason for you to cut your vacation short,” he says, and I swear, flames might be flying out of my ears.

“Are you kidding me? I’d have been angry as hell if I’d come to find you in the hospital! Olivia did the right thing, calling me. I was scared out of my mind, Dad. If I hadn’t had Knox, I have no idea how I would’ve gotten through this past day,” I tell him, saying the words but not letting myself cry.

He drops my hand as he brings his up to brush my cheek. “I didn’t mean to scare you, honey. I guess your stubborn old man’s going to have to start taking better care of himself. Olivia’s already threatened to move in and clean out my beer stash.”

“I think that’s a good idea. You need someone to be with you to make sure you’re eating right, being healthy. The doctor said if you hadn’t been in the hospital, you might not have made it. I don’t like the thought of you living alone, so maybe you should let her move in.”

“I’m a grown-ass man. I don’t need a babysitter—not you, not Olivia. I can take care of damn myself,” he growls. I now see what Olivia meant by him being cranky.

“We’ll figure it out once you get home. I can stay with you for a couple of days until you get back on your feet.”

He huffs, but he doesn’t turn down my offer. “Where’s your man? I assume he’s the one who brought you back from Florida.”

“He’s here, Dad. He just wanted to give us some time together, alone, so he went to check out the coffee shop.”

“I like him for you. He’s a good man, and he’s perfect to deal with your headstrong personality. I hope it works out,” Dad tells me, surprising me by giving me the father seal of approval.

“I hope so, too. I love him. I really do,” I admit out loud for the second time today.

His eyes start to droop, and I can tell he’s fighting the sleepiness that’s washing over him.

“I’m happy for you, honey,” he tells me, his voice trailing off as he succumbs to sleep, just as I hear a knock on the door and a throat clear.

Turning around, I’m surprised as hell. Drew’s standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets, looking handsome as ever, and much better than the last time I saw him.

“Hey, Charlie,” he says, moving into the room, drawing me out of the chair and into his arms before I can protest.

The feel of his embrace is familiar, but it’s not as warm as it used to be. Pulling away, I lead him out into the hall so Dad can get some rest.

“What are you doing here, Drew?” I ask, curious as to how he even knew Dad was here.

“It’s not a big town, Charlie, and when a prominent doctor collapses, word gets around,” he says, and I’m not surprised. “Is he doing okay?”

I’m honestly touched that he cares. No matter what happened between us, we still spent a few special years together, and one screwed-up memory won’t ruin all the other ones.

“They say he’s doing fine, but I’m still scared as hell. I mean, his freaking heart stopped, for God’s sakes!” I exclaim. Drew pulls me in again, calming my outburst.

“Your dad’s a strong guy, Charlie. I have no doubt he’ll pull through this, and you’ll be whipping him into shape in no time,” he says, smiling down at me.

For a split second, I remember this. How comfortable I was with him. How easy it was. And at the same time, I remember how passionless it was. How stifled I felt, even though I didn’t realize it until I was on my own.

Backing away from him, I put a few feet of space between us. “I appreciate you stopping by, Drew,” I tell him, and I really do, but I don’t really want Knox coming back to find him here, even if I did just unload my heart on him.

Drew gives me a sad smile. “I’m not here for anything other than to be a shoulder, Charlie. I admit, when I heard what happened, I was hoping I could be your comfort, but I was coming around the corner when I caught your speech to that soldier.”

I know it’s silly, but I almost feel bad that Drew caught me confessing my love for Knox. I start to speak, but he stops me.

“Look, maybe I did come here with some misguided hope that I could win you back. But I heard what you said to him, and to be honest, I don’t think you ever loved me that way.” I start to protest, but he continues. “I think we were good together, but we got too comfortable. We didn’t have the passion, the longing. And when I saw you with him? I saw everything that was missing. Don’t get me wrong. I was an ass for cheating, and I’ll kick myself for the rest of my life over that, but in the long run, I don’t think we ever would’ve ended up together.”

Nodding, I agree. “I think you’re right. I’m sorry you had to hear me telling Knox all of that, but to be completely honest, I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him. That doesn’t mean that I don’t cherish the time we spent together, and I’ll always have fond memories of you. I did love you, Drew. I really did. I just don’t think it was in the right way.”

“I can understand that. I won’t lie. It was a shot in the heart hearing your confession, but deep down I know you’re right.” His hand comes up to stroke my cheek. “I’m so sorry for fucking everything up. Do you think in the future we could at least be friends?”

God damn my emotions, but I tear up at his words. “I’d like that, Drew. I really would. And I hope that you find someone who’s enough for you, someone you’d go to the ends of the earth for. You’re a good guy, and you deserve to be happy.”