Whisper to Me

“I’m not going to apologize for any of it, though. It happened. It is what it is.” His fingers slipped a piece of my hair behind my ear. “But the truth of the matter is that I . . . I miss you, Turtle.”

I shuddered at his touch. His lips moved closer to my ear. “So much.”

I closed my eyes. “Me, too.”

He pulled me into a tight hug, and I reveled in his touch, being tucked inside his warm arms. Smelling his spicy scent, feeling his soft hair against my cheek while his fingers touched my back.

“This summer showed me how much I value your friendship,” he said into my hair. “And I don’t know what’s going to happen when I leave the country and you return to school.”

He tugged me flush against him. “But I don’t want to lose you again, Rachel.”

“We didn’t lose each other,” I said. “I just lost myself. And that’s not going to happen again.”

“It’s not?” He pulled back to look at me. “What about with this new guy, Andy?”

I jabbed him playfully. “You know his name is Andrew. And I don’t know. He’s nice.”

“He seems like a good guy.” He sighed. I wanted him to be angry, possessive, claim me as his own, but that had all been just a pipe dream. “I just want you to be happy.”

I nodded, feeling the sting of tears at the backs of my eyes. If he only knew what would truly make me happy.

“I just want you to promise me, Rachel,” he said.

“Promise you what?”

“That we won’t lose each other . . . ditch each other.”

He was bouncing my words back at me.

“Because no matter how you spin it,” he said, cupping my cheeks. “You left, too.”

He yanked his phone out of his pocket and began typing something. I wondered what in the hell he was doing until I heard my cell buzz with a text.

I pulled it out of my purse and read his message.

Let’s start keeping in touch now. Texts will be the easiest way, Turtle.

I nodded, and then we heard the knob jiggle and backed farther away from each other. As if we’d been caught doing something wrong. When for the first time, the only thing we were doing was being friends.

I lifted up the cheese tray, handed Kai a bottle of wine, and turned toward the door.

Dakota stepped inside the room. “Your mom sent me back here. What the hell is taking you so long?”

“Tone it down, Dakota,” Kai said, strolling around her and out the door.

I just shrugged and handed her another bottle of wine.

Chapter Thirty-four Kai

I was leaving in the morning and my heart—my soul—was heavy. My bones weary, as if I was just going through the motions. Even though I was looking forward to getting back into the studio, I wasn’t as thrilled about returning to the country where I’d felt so unsure of myself, lost about so many things.

But I told myself it was a step in the right direction—that I hadn’t figured things out all summer long and this would at least help keep me focused on my future.

As soon as I made the decision, the days flew by. I made preparations for travel and finished my shifts at the casino. I wanted to show my parents how sincere I’d been about being responsible and finishing my degree. Maybe I’d come back in a year and feel surer, more settled.

Maybe I’d be over her once and for all.

Since our talk at the Pure grand opening, Rachel and I had been better at the friendship thing, both of us trying to be present with each other, even though there was sadness at hand every time we were in each other’s company—as if we’d never see each other again.

So I got in the habit of texting her short status updates every day, even though we lived in the same condo. I figured that would be our form of communication when we were away, and I wanted to make sure to keep in touch this time around. I wanted to hear about her classes and her life. I wanted to be a part of her world as a friend, and maybe that would make leaving less difficult.

Out of earshot of Dakota, I told her that it was good for her to date again. That she deserved to have a healthy relationship with somebody who appreciated her. Who she could be herself around—and she almost burst into tears at my declaration. But we’d been in front of the television and Dakota could’ve walked back in the room at any moment with our popcorn from the microwave.

I’d said my good-byes tonight to my family and friends during a quick di

I had bowed out, saying that I needed to pack a few more things. Instead, I sent her a final good-bye message with a more positive spin.

Have fun at the movie. If I don’t see you, I’ll text you when I land and let you know I arrived safely. Night, Turtle.

It seemed to take her a while to respond as I zipped my final belonging into my bag.

My father had arranged for a driver to take me to the airport in a few short hours. But now I was like a caged tiger, pacing back and forth, practically waffling on my decision.

I played a couple of tunes on my upright bass, before placing it back in its hard-shell case. Dakota had agreed to keep some of my belongings that were harder to ship at the condo. I would used Johan’s spare bass in the studio, one I’d grown most fond of.

When I still hadn’t heard back from Rachel twenty minutes later, I chucked my phone on the bed and plugged in my headphones. If I was going to get any sleep tonight, no matter how minimal, I need to calm the fuck down.

A few moments later, I was startled by a hard knock at my bedroom door. Who in the hell was in the condo?

When I swung open the door Rachel stood there biting her lip, unsteady on her feet. “What . . . why aren’t you at the movie?”

She looked down at her toes. “Dakota and Shane went, but I asked Andrew to drive me home.”

My heart was lodged painfully in my throat. “Why?”

“I just . . . couldn’t . . .” Fat tears began rolling down her cheeks.

“Hey, come here.” My hand at her hip, I pulled her into me. “I’m going to miss you, too.”

She tucked her head into my chest, her fingers grasping at my shoulders.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I said, kicking the door shut behind her.

“No. I just . . .” Her voice was soft and breathy. “I need you to hold me.”

When her emerald eyes met my midnight blues, a spark flared in my chest so forceful, scorching, overwhelming—that I nearly doubled over from the intensity.

It was as if all the molecules in the room were rearranging themselves to be in our airspace—forcing our fiery energy together.

It was so primal, there was no way anyone would have been able to tear us apart.

In one second flat, I had her wedged against the door. I ran my nose along her jawline as her breaths became ragged.

“Kai.”

My lips skimmed her ear. “What the hell are we doing, Rachel?”

“I don’t know.” She whimpered as my fingers braced the back of her neck beneath her hairline. “It’s already fucked up. I’d rather you left with this kind of memory, wouldn’t you?”

I growled as I lifted her off the floor, and she wrapped her legs around my waist.

My hands traveled beneath her denim skirt to her nearly-bare ass, and my hard-on ground against her stomach.

Dakota was at a movie, we were alone in the apartment, and Rachel was mine—all fucking mine, for these final stolen minutes. I wished that I could freeze this moment and stare into her eyes for all of eternity. I had no idea what the fuck we were doing—just that I needed this, too, even though I’d pay for it later.

Her arms wrapped more securely around my neck, and I leaned forward to kiss the tears from her cheeks, her skin salty, her smell divine.