Whisper to Me

I tried to steady my reaction. I needed to be a friend. But wasn’t she essentially doing the same with me? I shouldn’t have been hurt. I’d known all of this going in.

“Please don’t look at me that way. You’re the only one who . . .”

“Who what?”

“You’re the only one who I can talk to. Who might understand.” Her eyes were timid and soft. “I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to question you about all of your . . . girls.”

“You’re right, I wouldn’t,” I said, tightening my hand into a fist. “And I do understand. And for the record, I’ve been safe, too.”

Little did she realize I hadn’t been with any girls since I’d laid eyes on her this summer. That’s why I didn’t want her to question me. Because I didn’t want her to know that she was the only girl I’d been thinking about. “So let’s go back to the thing you’re really upset about. The lie.”

“Yeah,” she said. “Everything was a lie. I was a lie. They knew I’d had a rough time, but after that one conversation, we never talked about it again. They didn’t know how dark it really was. How dark it still is. I’d hang out with them as the careless, fun one and then go back to my apartment and brood about everything else. I don’t know what the fuck was wrong with me. I just didn’t want to let anyone in.”

“Bet it’s hard, though, keeping up a façade like that.” My eyes flashed to the pained look on her face, and my heart expanded.

“It got old.” She shook her head as if clearing away that other part of herself. “Pretty sure I’m done.”

I wanted to ask if that meant she was done with other guys. If she was done with me. But the idea of that terrified me. Besides, our time together went beyond a hookup, because we had roots. Familiarity. Companionship. Didn’t we?

Even though the lines were all distorted and blurred, I didn’t want it to end.

Not yet. Not ever. But I knew it would, in a just few short weeks. So I’d rather pretend it never would, than to question it now.

“So fix it.” I lifted her chin with my thumb.

She had trouble meeting my eyes; hers were laden with guilt. “How?”

“By coming clean to them this weekend,” I said, kissing her head. “And with Dakota after that. You’ll feel better when you do.”

“And what if they’re done with me?” she said, worrying her lip between her teeth. “I mean, Avery and Ella.” One set of problems at a time.

“Then you didn’t have a basis of friendship after all,” I said, and I felt her shoulders grow rigid. Whether or not she’d admit it, she cared more for these girls than she’d been letting on. “They hung out with you for a reason, right?”

“They might have just thought I was good for a laugh. I was the ‘life of the party,’” she said, using her fingers as air quotes.

Who was this Rachel she was describing? Happy-go-lucky, not a care in the world?

I mean, she was always fun, a blast, even. But she could also be serious, give good advice, and be a great friend. The persona she had adopted at TSU sounded exhausting. And meaningless.

But hadn’t I been doing the same thing? Carefree playboy, troublemaker, ready for a good time. Except she’d been actively participating and I’d been actively avoiding. Using pot as my crutch. Fuck, we were more alike than I’d ever imagined. Both of us needed to get our shit together.

“Maybe,” I said, knowing full well Rachel was charming in so many other ways. “Or maybe your friends see beyond the pretense and are just waiting for you to share more of yourself.”

“I hope so, because they’re really cool.” She settled into my chest again and let out a sigh. I pulled her closer, rubbed circles on her back, and soon enough her head went limp against my shoulder.

“Does this mean you’re not mad?” she said in her groggy voice. “You still care about me, Kai?”

I knew she meant it in a brotherly, best-friend way. But I couldn’t help taking a deep breath and squeezing my eyes shut at just hearing those words fall from her sweet lips.

“Of course I’m not mad.” Her fingers increased their pressure on my forearm. I leaned closer to her ear and whispered, “I’ll always care about you, Turtle.”

Ik houd van jou. Even after you’re gone.

She hummed into my neck, and we both drifted off to sleep soon after.

Thankfully, I woke before dawn. The sky was turning pink, and I nudged Rachel awake so she could return to her bed.

She sat up, wiped at her eyes with the backs of her hands, and then pushed her legs over the side of the bed. I knew I wouldn’t get to see much of her this weekend with our friends around, so I grasped her hand and tugged her back down.

There was no resistance as she cocooned into me again. I gently kissed her neck, and she ground her hips against mine. I had a raging hard-on like I always did when she was curled up next to me, and I tried adjusting myself in my shorts.

My fingers grazed beneath her shirt to touch her breasts. She wasn’t wearing a bra—she rarely came to my room with one on anymore—and her nipples hardened on contact.

“I don’t think we have time,” she whispered, and then moaned as I covered her gorgeous tits with my hands.

“I know,” I mumbled, pressing her down on the bed. I lifted her shirt and kissed the soft skin on her stomach. “I’m just giving you something to remember me by this weekend.”

I trailed my tongue up her torso to her chest as she panted and clutched at my hair. I sucked on her soft globe until it stiffened into a peak and then moved to the other side. I lightly bit her nipple as she wriggled her hips beneath me.

I kissed and licked the underside of her breast and then moved upward, positioned the skin between my lips, and began sucking hard.

“Ka . . . Kai,” she stuttered. “You’re going to leave a mark.”

After another long moment, I released her breast and then drew back to admire my handiwork.

A bright-red mark began to form on her chest, and she looked down at it in awe.

“That beauty belongs to me,” I said playfully, knowing full well it might’ve been the wrong thing to utter to someone who you were having a fling with.

“Oh yeah?” she said, pushing at my chest. “My turn.”

I didn’t even try to resist as she sprang up and then straddled me. She sucked my nipple ring into her mouth and then sealed her lips on my pec like a vacuum, attempting to leave a comparable mark.

I imagined her lips around my dick in a similar fashion someday and it almost sprang free on its own accord. “Fuck.”

“There.” She pulled away and looked down at my chest. “You are mine, mister.”

My entire body thrummed at her words.

I grasped her shirt and yanked her down toward me. My fingers traveled beneath the material and I cupped both of her breasts, my thumbs resting on her nipples.

My mouth hovered near her lips and my gaze pi

Her lips tentatively brushed across mine, and then she kissed me—slow, gentle, and sensual. I wanted to wrap myself up in her. Get lost for hours. Days. Years.

I’m yours, Rachel. I’ll always be yours.

Chapter Twenty-five Kai

The doorbell rang and we buzzed Rachel’s friends up. Dakota was in the kitchen making a pitcher of Sangria, and Shane helped by cutting up some fruit. Rachel did little more than pace back and forth like a caged animal, pretending she was busy straightening up the condo so that Dakota wouldn’t question her about it.

Nate was the first to step through the door. We high-fived and gave one-armed hugs. Close behind was a striking girl with blue streaks in her hair and a sleeve of tattoos on her arm. “Hi. I’m Jessie.”

I wondered if Nate was dating this girl, except they weren’t holding hands or even making eye contact. Besides, they seemed as different as night and day.

“I brought an extra friend,” Nate said. “Her boyfriend was headed out of town and I thought she’d like to hang out with all of us.”