Forgiving Lies

“I know you want me and this whole playing-hard-to-get act is getting old. I will have you, so stop fighting.” I could feel his warm breath coming through the shirt covering my face, and his lips went to my ear. “Or don’t, it’s up to you. If you want it rough, then that’s how I’ll give it to you. But one way or another, I will break you, and I will own you. You. Are. Mine.”

My body stopped shaking momentarily as a chill ran down my spine and I became covered in goose bumps.

“That’s what I thought.”

Tears burned my eyes as I shook violently, my sobs growing weaker and weaker as Blake claimed my body. Why wasn’t anyone coming to save me? How had no one heard my screams or Blake breaking down the door? Kash’s face flashed through my mind and I clung to that image while my body lay there lifelessly. I turned my face to the side and stared into nothingness as tears fell onto my shirt. I wondered if anyone had ever felt the kind of hate I felt for this man.

When it was over, Blake lowered his body onto mine and kissed my neck before whispering in my ear, “You’re mine, Rachel. I’ll never let you go.”

I jerked upright and let out a scream. Confused, I looked around me at the perfectly messy bedroom and my hands flew to my face. It was wet with tears, but there was no duct tape. My bedroom door was intact, and I was alone in my bed. Falling back onto the pillows, I tried to slow my racing heart and looked at the clock on my nightstand. It was almost eight. I must have fallen asleep again after Candice left for cheer camp. A sob hitched in my throat and finally broke free in relief. It was only a dream. Blake wasn’t here.

But it had felt so real.

Needing to get out of that bed, I jumped up, tore the sweat-soaked sheets off the bed, and put them in the wash. My body was still violently shaking as I turned the water on in the shower as hot as it would go. This wasn’t the first nightmare I’d had of him, not even close. But it was by far the worst. I welcomed the burn of the water and scrubbed every inch of my body three times before stepping back out. My skin was red and blotchy as I shakily grabbed my toothbrush and brushed my teeth twice.

I still didn’t feel clean.

Dream or not, I felt violated all over again. Everything from the night with Blake came flooding back to me and mixed with what my subconscious had tortured me with. I could still feel his weight on me—feel him in me. I could hear his voice ringing in my ears, and my cheeks stung like I’d actually been hit.

I dressed in loose sweatpants, threw on a tank top, and pulled my dad’s old rugby sweatshirt on. It was the middle of the summer, and our apartment wasn’t very cool, but I was still shaking and felt a chill that was bone-deep working its way through my body.

Making my way through the living room, I’d almost reached the kitchen when there was a knock on the door. Dread filled me and my eyes immediately flashed to the clock on the microwave. Half past eight. Oh God. Oh no. Another knock and I forced my gaze back to the door as my tears spilled over.

“Rachel, dear? Are you there?”

A half sob, half sigh burst from my chest and I slowly made my way to the door, unlocked the dead bolt, and opened it. “H-hi, M-Mrs. Adams.”

“Oh, Rachel! There you are! You must come quick, all the cats have disappeared.”

“I-I . . . I can’t today, Mrs.—”

“No, you must! Come quick, they’re all gone!” She grabbed my hand and I jerked back; she didn’t notice as she began rambling about all of her cats leaving her.

The door directly across from mine opened, revealing Kash and Mason in nothing but workout shorts and ru

“Rach?” he called, and hit Mason’s arm. Mason turned from locking their door as Kash took the few steps toward us. “Rachel, what’s wrong?”

“The cats, dear.” Mrs. Adams looked at him with a worried expression. “They’ve all gone! Rachel must help me find them.”

His wide eyes searched my face and I dropped my head quickly; my wet hair fell like a useless curtain and I flinched when Kash grabbed my free wrist. He dropped it quickly and spoke softly. “You know, Mrs. Adams, Rachel isn’t feeling well. I’ll help you find your cats today.”

“Oh, but—you’re a boy! They won’t respond to a boy!”

“Yes they will, Mrs. Adams. I helped you find them last week, don’t you remember?”

“Well then come, hurry! We need to find them.” She turned and shuffled back toward her door. “Smokey! Honey, come back to Mama!”

“Rachel, are—”

The buzzer on the washer sounded and I jumped back, hitting the half-open door and almost falling when it swung the rest of the way from my weight.

“Christ, Rach!” Kash grabbed for me and his eyes got wide again when he felt my body vibrating. “Mase! Take her into our apartment, I’ll be right back.”

“N-no. I’m fine.” I pulled away from him, but he brought me out of the doorway and handed me to Mason. Jerking back again, I pleaded on a sob, “Stop touching me!”

Both guys dropped their hold on me and their hands went up, as if they were surrendering. Mason’s deep voice was soft and slow. “Sweetheart, come on. I won’t touch you. Let’s just get you in our apartment. All right? Are you feeling sick? Do you want me to call Candice?”

“No! Please don’t—don’t call her!”

“Okay, I won’t. Come on, sweetheart. We’ll take care of you.”

I glanced over to see Kash looking at me helplessly as I followed Mason toward their door. With one last worried look, he shut my front door, turned, and began calling out for Smokey as he tried to get Mrs. Adams to go back into her apartment.

Kash

WHAT THE FUCK just happened? I looked at the door to my apartment once more as I followed Mrs. Adams into hers.

“There you go, Mrs. Adams. There they all are.”

“Oh, dears! Why did you scare Mama like that? I’ve missed you so!” She grabbed a pillow off her chair and hugged it tight.

“Do you need anything else, Mrs. Adams?” Please, God, say no. I was itching to get back to my apartment and Rachel.

“No, thank you, boy! You helped save all my babies.”

I smiled and backed out of her apartment. “See you next Thursday, Mrs. Adams.” I was out the door and ru

As soon as I entered, my eyes searched until they landed on Rachel, knees up to her chest, chin on her knees, and arms wrapped tightly around her legs. She wasn’t looking at me, but it was obvious she didn’t want to be. I took one step toward her before Mason cleared his throat and nodded toward his room. Grinding my teeth, I looked at Rachel once more and followed him into his room.

“Did she say anything?”

“No, but, dude. You—I think maybe . . . well, she . . .” He trailed off.

“What, Mason? Spit it the fuck out.”

He leaned closer. “Remember when we were in with Luis and his boys?”

That was our first undercover; how was I supposed to forget anything about that time? “Yeah, Rach isn’t on crack.”

“No, no. Not that. Do you remember the girls they’d pass around? Not the hookers,” he added before I could respond.

“Yes,” I hissed, and looked at the shut door, then back to him. “Don’t tell me she—”

“Kash, I’m sorry. But she’s acting just like they did. It’s already over ninety degrees and she’s shaking in sweats. She’s not sick, she looks like she’s just gotten out of a shower, and she freaked when we touched her. Think about it.”

“No, no way.” I shook my head and took a few steps away from him.

“Look, I know what she means to you,” he whispered, “but try to look past what you feel for her. Did you see how she was curling in on herself when you walked in? We’ve seen this enough times before to know what’s going on.”