Raw

My chest pangs.

Well shit. That fuckin’ stings. Like a bitch.

It’s not a lie, but it stings still.

I’ve never begged before. Never in my life. I sure as fuck am not go

What I don’t say is ‘You’re too good to be in a place like this. A place like this pulls at your good and dulls your sparkle. And I like your sparkle.’

Staring down at my chest, she takes a step closer to me and whispers miserably, “I’m here to let Brad fuck me.” My cheek ticks and my head implodes. She steps closer to me to add, “He’s going to fuck me. Fuck me ‘til I forget you. ‘Til I forget I ever met you. He’s helping me drown you out, and I like when I’m not thinkin’ about you.” She looks into my eyes and repeats on a whisper, “You’re poison.”

I’ve officially had enough of this conversation.

Taking her elbow, I pull her towards me, when Brad the asshole stands and starts, “Hey! Let go of her! She doesn’t want to go with you. You heard—”

Reaching into the back of my jeans, I pull out my .32 semi and point it right in the middle of his brows. Stepping away so quickly with his arms raised, he stumbles backward into a stool.

But I can’t walk away yet. His humiliation is something I need right now. I need him to learn. What, exactly? I’m not sure. But I want to see his fear.

Lexi pulls on my elbow and quietly says a defeated, “Okay, Twitch. You win. I’ll go with you. Leave him alone and we’ll leave, babe. Just me and you.”

It’s my turn to snatch my elbow from her alcohol-weakened grip. Taking two large steps, I push the barrel of the pistol into his forehead, hard. Listening to him whimper brings me a rush. Warmth spreads through me. Leaning closer to him, I grit my teeth and say quietly, “You got something to say to me, wise guy? Fuckin’ say it.”

Brad starts to shake, and I can feel eyes on me. Most likely from everyone in the bar. Lucky, I know the bartender. Well. Jimmy and I had business dealings. I know he knows I’m doing what I think I have to.

I give Brad a full thirty seconds to answer before I whisper, “Yeah, I thought so,” and move away from him. Placing the Colt back in my waistband, I move to stand by Lexi, wrap my arm around her shoulders, and tuck her into my side. Her hand slides up to the middle of my chest, and she fists my shirt. “Let’s go, babe. Let’s go,” she whispers.

Lifting my finger, I point hard at the quivering mess that is Brad and a

Brad – still with his hands raised in surrender – nods vigorously, and I know I’ve made my point.

To Brad. And to Lexi.

It’s selfish to keep her around when I know she wants time alone. I know it is. But I can’t let her go.

You need her.

I don’t need anyone. I’m just selfish.

At least, that’s what I tell myself.

 “You left.”

Driving Lexi back to her place, I know we have to talk about what happened. This whole having a girlfriend thing blows so far. I repeat myself, “You left after you said you wouldn’t.”

Looking out of the window, she mutters miserably, “Yeah, well, I figured if you couldn’t keep your promise, then I shouldn’t have to keep mine either.”

It’s times like this that I wish my brain worked like everyone else’s.

Breathing deeply, I try in vain to calm my racing heart. “I’m not… It’s not like… I didn’t mean it, Angel. I swear. There is no one else. Just you.”

I wait patiently, but she doesn’t respond. Why did I think I would say what I had to say and she would just jump into my open arms cooing, ‘I’m yours!’?

Stupid movies and their completely inaccurate argument scenes.

Reaching over to hold her hand, I’m surprised that she lets me. Linking our fingers, I pull her hand onto my thigh and try again. “I’m not used to having one woman, Lex.” She scoffs and I cringe, knowing (now) that it wasn’t the right thing to say. “What I meant is that I’ve not ever given myself to one woman. I’ve always avoided relationships because I don’t like what comes with them. This being one of those things.”

She mumbles, “You said it yourself. You’re going to hurt me.”

Underplaying my words, I shrug. “It’s bound to happen, baby. I’m sure you’ll hurt me too. But that’s just something that happens when you care about someone too much. Everyone gets hurt.” She turns her sad eyes to me. I add, “But it makes the sweet so much sweeter. If every relationship was perfect, think about how bored everyone would be. Not to mention, make up sex is supposed to be fan-fuckin’-tastic.”

Her lip twitches and I know I’ve got her. She turns her face back to the window, “You’re a dork.”

Lifting our hands to my mouth, I nip her fingers. “I’m your dork.”

Snapping her head around, she asks in all seriousness, “You mean that?” Pause. “You’re mine? Just mine?”

No lies. “Completely.” She doesn’t look convinced. Kissing the back of her hand, I say something that I didn’t plan on telling her. “You own me.”

We stop at a red light, and turning my body towards hers, I splay my hands on her cheeks and pull her head towards mine. Nose-to-nose, my jaw sets and I whisper in false calm. “But you can’t leave me. Not ever.”

Her eyes turn sad and I know she thinks I’ve got issues. She wouldn’t be wrong. I do have issues. She kisses the tip of my nose. “Don’t you know?”

My brow bunches and she smiles.

Our lips touch. She whispers against them, “You’re what fills the hole in my heart.”

Warmth flows through me. My heart kick-starts. I feel the best I’ve ever felt in my life.

Then she ruins it.

“You saved me. You’re my hero.”

Letting go of her cheeks, I pull back and look her in the eye. “No. I’m not. You have no idea how wrong you are.” Breathing deeply, I speak through an exhale. “What you want me to be…I can’t ever be. It’s not me.” My face turns cold. “I’m the villain in this story.”

The car behind beeps its horn for us to move, but I hold Lexi’s stare. She looks around in confusion as to why we aren’t moving yet. The car beeps some more and my jaw tics. There is a reason for us not moving off yet, and I need her to see me.

See the real me.

This is important. It’s important because she’s stuck with me for life.

And she doesn’t know that yet.

A muffled, “Move it along, asshole!” sounds from outside. I slowly and deliberately turn my head from side-to-side, cracking my neck. Leaving the engine ru

Walking over to the clearly-angry man, he unwinds his window and sneers, “Move your fancy car to the side of the road. This isn’t a parking spot.”

Looking chastised, I chuckle and lean down to the open window, “I know, but my girlfriend wanted to talk and we were having a moment.” My hand strikes out at lightning speed, clutching his neck. Gasping for air, he claws at my hand. I snigger, “You gotta watch who you open your mouth to, pops. You never know when those words might be your last. You got me?”

The man nods wide-eyed. I let go of his throat and watch him pant. Gesturing to the side of the car, I tell him, “Move around. It’s not hard.”