Clipped Wings

“You see now?”

I did. Tenley wasn’t just broken; she was shattered.

20

TENLEY

My back was on fire. The smell of burned skin and hair wasn’t potent enough to overpower the stench of fuel. The smoke was thick, like acrid fog bearing down on me. At least the heavy haze partially masked the visual devastation; mangled bodies, faces no longer recognizable.

“Miss! Miss! Stay where you are!”

A blanket shrouded my shoulders, and a hand smoothed down my back.

Crippling pain buckled my knees. Black spots swam in my vision, spreading until they blocked out the light.

“We’ve got another survivor in here!”

The black abyss welcomed me, luring me in with its freedom from agony.

I shot up with a gasp, half expecting to be back on the plane, still trying to escape. Pale morning light shone through the curtains. I was in my bed in Chicago.

“Bad dream?”

Sarah startled me. She was lying on her back on Hayden’s side of the bed.

“Sorry.” She sat up. “How’re you feeling?”

My back really did feel like it was on fire. I touched my shoulder and cringed. Plastic wrap. The previous evening came filtering through as the muddiness of nightmare-riddled sleep cleared. Hayden finished the outline. A woman who knew him more intimately than I liked showed up at the shop. When he sent me home I took painkillers. The strong ones prescribed after the accident, not Tylenol, as Hayden requested. I also took medication for the anxiety. Then I sought out Sarah with a bottle of tequila. The end of the night was unclear.

“I feel waterlogged.” My voice was raw, like I’d been screaming. I hoped I hadn’t. “Did I have a lot of nightmares?”

Sarah shrugged. “Mostly you were restless and you kept spooning with me.”

“Why do I feel so . . . out of it? God, my back hurts.”

“I’m going to go out on a limb and say your back hurts because of the gigantic tattoo. You’re probably out of it because we smoked a little.”

“I don’t smoke.”

“Not cigarettes.”

“Oh. I don’t smoke that, either.” That explained why my throat felt raw.

“I’m sorry,” Sarah said. “I thought it would help relax you. It was stupid of me. Your boyfriend was pretty pissed about it.”

“Hayden’s not . . .” For a myriad of reasons, guilt the most predominant one, I hesitated to put a label on what we had. “Where is Hayden?”

“I sent him home.”

“What? Why would you do that? Was he angry?” Everything in my head was scrambled.

“He wasn’t angry, not at you, anyway. He wasn’t very happy with me, though.” Sarah reached for the bottle of water on the nightstand and took a swig.

“What happened?”

“You don’t remember?” She almost looked relieved.

A few disjointed memories from the previous evening began to solidify. I struggled to pull the snippets of conversation together, but they didn’t make sense. In fact, I couldn’t remember much, and Hayden’s absence made me nervous. I remembered him stopping by and Sarah arguing with him, over what I didn’t know. I also recalled crying.

“Not a lot,” I admitted. “Why? Should I be worried?”

Sarah sighed. “Please don’t be upset with me.”

“That’s not very reassuring.”

“Hayden knows how many people you lost in the crash.” Sarah rushed the words, as if getting them out faster would make it easier to hear.

“What?” Panic constricted my throat.

“You have to understand, I assumed he knew. He just showed up here una

That explained the waterlogged feeling. Losing it in front of Sarah wasn’t ideal, but I feared Hayden’s reaction to such an outburst. I didn’t want to come across as weak or unstable.

“He left after that?”

“Not quite. He had some questions.”

“What kind of questions?” I asked, concerned about the answer.

“He wanted details. I told him when the accident happened.”

So he knew it wasn’t quite a year yet. That wasn’t too bad. “But you didn’t tell him why I was on the plane?”

“I told him you were going to your best friend’s wedding, but I didn’t elaborate.”

“You didn’t say anything about Co

“No.”

“That’s good.” I exhaled a relieved breath.

“Tenley, sweetie, don’t you think he should know?”

“I’ll tell him eventually.” But not until I absolutely had to. I didn’t know how Hayden would deal with that kind of information or the fact that I’d kept it from him. I didn’t want him to think I was using him as a rebound. It scared me how much I needed him now. I couldn’t risk putting any distance between us. “You’re sure he wasn’t upset with me?”

“No.” She shook her head vehemently. “He was beside himself when you broke down. He didn’t want to leave, but I told him I would stay. I kind of threatened to castrate him.”

“You did what?”

She waved her hand. “Figuratively speaking. Anyway, we reached an understanding, so as long as he holds up his end of the deal, he gets to keep his balls.”

“I’d be interested to know what kind of deal you struck.”

“Feel free to ask him,” Sarah said, her smile full of mischief. She grew serious. “You know, it might have helped if I’d known you were sleeping with the guy. I have some thoughts on that, but I’m not going to share them with you right now, since you look like you might beat me with that pillow.”

I tossed aside the pillow. “I never said I was sleeping with him.”

Sarah arched an eyebrow. “You didn’t have to. It was written all over Hayden’s face. That, and he told me he was staying here every night. I assume you’re not making him sleep on the couch.”

I laughed. I would have to be certifiable to relegate Hayden to the couch.

“I can see why you’re into him. He’s got that badass man-pretty thing going on.”

“I would advise you to keep that observation to yourself. Hayden’s not a fan of the word pretty when it’s applied to him, even if it’s preceded by badass,” I said, glad to move on to lighter topics.

“I bet.”

We lay there until the pain in my back became too much. I shuffled to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. My skin felt tight, like a terrible sunburn. I took a regular painkiller and glanced at the anxiety meds. I couldn’t take any if I wanted to function, and I needed a clear head when I talked to Hayden today.

Before Sarah went home, she helped remove the plastic wrap. She was stu

Sarah promised to come back with coffee, so I left my door unlocked. The only new messages on my phone were ones I was evading. Trey continued to call, and I continued to ignore him, hoping eventually he would get the message and leave me alone. So far it hadn’t worked. I tried to work on my thesis, but I couldn’t focus enough to accomplish anything. It was still too early to call Hayden, so I decided to bake.

I pulled out my mixer and assembled the ingredients. Baking was a passion I inherited from my mom. Most of the time it relaxed me, but today it made me miss her more than ever. When the cupcakes were in the oven, I started on the icing. I was almost done sifting sugar when Sarah knocked on the door.