Lost and Found

“You love your kids,” she choked out.

“Yeah. But life was so much easier without them.”

Krissa paused to grab control of her emotions. “Oh, Cam. How can you say things like that? I hope you don’t say that in front of the twins.”

Cam’s eyes widened. “Oh, shit. You’re totally right. I’m going to warp them. They’re going to turn into serial killers because they thought I didn’t want them.”

“Why did you have another baby? If things were so hard.” She tried to soften her voice so it didn’t sound like an accusation.

Cam grimaced. “Why do you think? We didn’t plan it.”

Krissa’s heart squeezed. How many times had she heard this story? It was almost a cliché—it seemed like every pregnant woman she knew had gotten knocked up accidentally. Meanwhile, she’d been trying for years and couldn’t. And now she never would.

The empty ache spread inside her. She’d come here to remove herself from the discomfort of staying home with Nate, only to find herself getting dragged down again into the despair of being childless.

She stood up and went over to where Benjamin and Alexander played. They were being so good. Some child time was what she needed.

“Hey, guys,” she said, dropping to the floor beside them.

“Auntie Kwissie,” Ben said. He jumped onto her lap, almost knocking her over and she laughed and hugged him. “Pway wiff us.”

And she did.

On the drive home, she realized that being with Cam and her children had plunged her back into the pool of longing for a child. She gripped the steering wheel tightly.

She would talk to Derek again. There were many things she didn’t bother arguing with him about. She liked a peaceful life—arguing made her tense and miserable. But this…she couldn’t let something this important drop. She’d find a way to convince him. There must be a way.

She nibbled her bottom lip as she drove, thoughts careening around in her head.

Her first choice would be a sperm donor. Then at least half the baby’s DNA would be hers. Surely to God Derek could love a child that was hers? Suppose she’d had a child before they met. He’d love that child, too, wouldn’t he?

She flicked on her blinker and turned the wheel, pulling into the driveway of their home. She parked, put the car in gear, turned off the ignition, but still sat there, mind churning.

Maybe they just had to find the right donor. She’d already told him they could pick someone who looked just like him. But…what if they had a family member who would do it? Would that be weird? It almost seemed…incestuous. But Derek had no brothers, and no male cousins either. And neither did she.

A friend.

Krissa went very still, lifted her eyes to the house. Her body tightened and she swallowed. What if…she closed her eyes.

Impossible. It was impossible.

But she had to try it. If Derek would even consider it…it was worth a shot.

She tried to clamp down on the excitement lurching inside her as she hurried into the house.

She called out a hello to Nate in his bedroom, then went straight to her office and shut the door. “I need to talk to you,” she said urgently into the phone.

“I’ll be home for di

Krissa shifted from one foot to the other. “Can’t you get home early tonight? This is important.”

He sighed. “I can’t, hon. I’ll get there as quick as I can. What’s going on?”

“I just need to ask you something. I have an idea…”

“About what?”

What the hell did he think it was about? She held the phone away from her ear and scowled at it. “What color to paint the kitchen,” she said bitterly. “Okay, fine, we’ll talk when you get here.”

“Okay, babe, see you later.”

She dropped the phone. Damn. Patience wasn’t one of her strengths. When she got an idea in her head, she needed to do something about it. Now.

She turned on her computer. She’d researched sperm donation but not how it worked when you used the sperm of someone you knew.

She sank into her chair and covered the mouse with her hand, propping her chin on her other hand.

She heard the knock at her door and jumped. Her eyes flew back to the computer screen. “Uh…hang on.” She quickly closed the window. “Come in.”

“Hey.” Nate stood in the door, looking big and gorgeous in his jeans and close-fitting T-shirt. God, he was a hot guy.

She gulped. That wasn’t an appropriate thought.

“Hi.” She smiled brightly.

“I was wondering about joining a gym,” he said, taking a step into her office. “I still feel kind of puny after being sick.” He may have been sick but he was a long way from puny, with lots of muscle definition under that T-shirt.

“Uh…you want to work out?”

“Yeah. I lost a lot of weight—I’d like to bulk up a bit.”

He’d always been an athlete. Being fit and strong was important to him. She blinked. “You look really good.” Shit.

“Uh…thanks.” He shoved his hand through his hair.

“Well, um…Derek has a gym downstairs. Not a lot of stuff—a universal gym, a bench, some weights, a treadmill. You’re welcome to use it.”

“Hey. That’s great. Since I don’t have a vehicle.”

“You can use my car anytime. Well, if I don’t need it. Tomorrow I’ll be out all day doing presentations for one of my clients, but otherwise you can use it.”

“I should think about renting a car, maybe. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be here.”

“Yeah, I guess you could do that.” She still sat perched on the edge of her chair and she drummed her fingers on the arm.

They looked at each other. The damn glasses hid his eyes so she had no idea if he was feeling as tense as she was. His posture gave away nothing, although she thought he did look a little stiff. Her eyes dropped to his crotch, then skittered away.

Jesus. What was wrong with her? Last night had obviously stirred up some hormones or something.

“I’ll go check it out,” Nate said, and disappeared.

She slumped back in the chair.

Chapter Ten

After di

“What?” Derek asked as she pushed him down to sit on the side of the bed. She sat beside him, turned sideways to face him, legs crossed.

“Okay,” she began, practically vibrating. “I have an idea. About having a baby.”

His face darkened. “Oh, Krissa. I thought we were done with that.” He rubbed a hand over his eyes.

“I know. But just listen. I can sort of understand not wanting to adopt. But a sperm donor would mean half the baby’s genes are mine. Half me, Derek. Wouldn’t you love a baby that was half me?” She pleaded for understanding with her eyes fastened on his.

“I don’t know.” He looked away, put his hand to the back of his head. His mouth straightened into a grim line. “I don’t think so.”

“What if…” she paused, swallowed. “What if the sperm donor was someone we knew? Someone we loved? Wouldn’t that make it better?”

He frowned, looked back at her. “What are you talking about?”

She rose up onto her knees, grabbed his arm. “I’m talking about asking someone we know to be the sperm donor. If it was someone close to us, that would be the next best thing, wouldn’t it?”

He just stared at her. She waited.

“I’m…I’m talking about Nate, Derek.” She bit her lip.

His eyebrows shot up. “What the…?”

She nodded, kept her eyes on him. “He’s your best friend. He knows about us. He’s the only one who does. You love him like a brother, and I…” Her throat stopped working momentarily. “I like him too. He’s a great guy. Smart. Talented. Good-looking.”