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“You like him, don’t you?” Ha
Despite her demeanor, I can tell she’s excited. I don’t say anything. I just walk out the door.
“Do you guys hang out?”
“We’re just friends, Ha
“Mm hmm,” she says.
I know she doesn’t believe me.
We walk the rest of the way in silence. And when we get past the gates, we find two lounge chairs side by side. Ha
“Lada, he’s gorgeous, you know. I mean his arm muscles are as big as my…”
She stops and looks at her bikini-clad body.
“As my thighs,” she finishes.
I look at her thighs.
Ha
“Gosh, now I can see why you don’t even want to think about moving,” she adds.
I glare at her again. She doesn’t seem to notice. She’s facing straight into the sun now — eyes closed, her big sunglasses threatening to swallow her face. I helped her pick them out. They didn’t look so big in the store.
Then, all of a sudden, she makes a rash movement in my direction, and just like that, she’s on her side and staring at me.
“Has he kissed you?”
She dramatically lifts her big shades from her eyes.
“What?” I ask, starting to laugh.
“Has he kissed you?” she asks again.
“No, Ha
“Well, are you dating?”
“I don’t know…No,” I say.
“Has he come over?”
She continues her rapid-fire questioning.
“Yes,” I say.
Her eyes grow wide.
“Lada,” she squeals, shoving my arm.
She grabs my thick, dark hair next and gently runs it through her fingers.
“You guys would make the prettiest babies,” she says, before she sets her sunglasses back onto her nose and positions her back flat against the chair again.
“Ha
It doesn’t faze her, so I give up and return my attention to my book. But I get exactly two lines read, and I hear her voice again.
“Then when it seems we will never smile again, life comes back.”
I close the book and face her.
“Did you just make that up?”
“No,” she says, laughing. “Mark M. Baldwin did.”
I set my face toward the sun again, and I think about my old life — the one I feel as though I’ve abandoned somehow. It hurts to think of it that way. And even though I know it wasn’t perfect, I look back now, and all I see is perfection. Every soft whisper, every spoken word, every gentle touch — it’s all perfect. Time won’t let me see it otherwise. They’re all just perfect memories — perfect, untouchable moments that came and went so softly that they almost feel as if they were always just a dream.
“Ha
My voice is soft and thoughtful now as I wait for her attention to shift back to me.
“I’m scared it’ll never be the same with anyone else,” I confess.
She slowly shakes her head. “No,” she admits, “it won’t.”
A breath lifts my chest and then a sigh lowers it again, even though I expected her response. I expected it because I already know it won’t be. I already know that no matter what, it will never be the same.
“It’ll be different,” she goes on. “But different isn’t always bad.”
I meet her eyes behind her big shades. Then, I return to the sun and let its heated rays wash over me.
“Lada,” I hear her say a second later.
My face turns toward hers again.
“I’m happy for you.”
I smile at her because I know she means it.
“We’re just friends,” I say.
“I know. But I’m still happy.”
She says her last words and then goes back to getting her suntan. And suddenly, I feel my smile edging a little higher up my face and a soft tingle coming to life in my chest — and all I can think is that it’s because I’m starting to feel happy too.
Chapter Eighteen
Hope
“Lada, I had an extra coupon for that toothpaste you like, so I picked you up a tube,” Ha
She stops when she sees Jorgen in the living room.
“Oh…hi,” she stutters apologetically. “I’m sorry; I didn’t know Lada had company.”
Jorgen laughs. “It’s fine. How are you, Ha
Ha
“Great,” she says and then absentmindedly sets the tube onto the counter.
I reach over the sink in the kitchen and pick up the toothpaste. “Thanks, Ha
She looks as if she tries to respond to me, but instead uses all her efforts to fall gracefully into one of my barstools. I, meanwhile, catch Jorgen pointing to his eyebrow, eyeing Ha
“So, what are you two up to?” she asks.
I look up at Jorgen again. He’s still wearing that goofy grin.
“Nothing,” we both say, almost simultaneously.
Ha
“No, seriously, we both just got off work,” I say.
She nods her head and pushes her lips together, seemingly satisfied.
“Oh!” she suddenly exclaims. “Lada, remember that book I said I wanted to borrow of yours — that one about the guy from Missouri. Can I borrow it?”
“Uh, sure, it’s on the shelf over there.” I gesture toward the living room. “Jorgen, can you grab it for her. It’s the one on the end with the tan-ish cover.”
Jorgen examines the shelf for a second and then slides a book toward him, sending something falling to the floor.
It catches Ha
“You still have that thing?” Ha
I look at what’s now in Jorgen’s hand.
“Ha
It doesn’t work, and she continues.
“We call that Lada’s hope,” Ha
Jorgen looks at the book.
“The pin,” Ha
I watch as Jorgen’s eyes travel back to the pin in his hand, and I think that Ha
“We have no idea where she got it from,” Ha
I freeze. I literally stop moving, breathing, all of it. In exactly five seconds flat, my mouth has gone completely dry, my mind has flashed to a blank canvas and I have lost every single one of my words — Every. Single. One. I wait for Jorgen’s eyes to find mine. They do only seconds later. He looks slightly confused.
Ha
Silent moments pass, and I’m pretty sure just enough go by to make it awkward. I can feel Jorgen’s eyes still on me, while my own gaze has fallen to the pin in his hand.
“Well…I…just wanted to drop off the tooth…paste,” I hear a small voice utter.
For the first time in almost a minute, I notice that Ha
“I…should get going. Lada, call me later.”
I stare straight through her then as she backs away from me and toward Jorgen. I know she realizes she has said too much.
“It was nice seeing you again, Jorgen,” Ha
Jorgen seems to snap out of a trance just in time to acknowledge Ha