Страница 43 из 49
She said Lexi. I nearly passed out from relief.
“She’s my friend. She wouldn’t hurt me. She promised.”
“She’s evil, Kasey,” I said. “Do you think demons keep their promises?”
“She tried to be your friend too. She would have helped you.”
“Maybe I don’t want to be her friend, did you ever think of that?”
“It’s your fault she’s even here,” she said. “You’re so mean to me. You pretend to like me, but you think I’m stupid. You treat me like a baby. She’s the only one who cares.”
“Is that what she told you?” I asked.
Kasey hesitated. “Yes, but—it’s true.”
“You know what she’s pla
Kasey swallowed hard.
“Do you really want to hurt Mary?” I asked. “And the librarian? And us, Kasey, your family? We’re on that list. After you do all of her dirty work, she’s going to kill you too.”
My sister took a moment to consider this, but it didn’t seem to disturb her very much. I took a step backward.
“Don’t try to run,” she said. “You won’t make it out the door.”
Up to that point I’d managed to convince myself that there was a separation. There was Kasey, and there was Sarah.
But it seemed like the line was blurring.
“Kasey, we’re sisters. Why would you hurt me? What would you do without me?”
No reasoning worked better with Kasey than the “What would you do without me?” argument. If I ever wanted to win a fight with her, all I had to do was say something about how awful she would feel if I died, and she would immediately burst into tears and apologize.
If there was any of that codependent instinct left in her, I wanted it on my side. Maybe I could bring her back through the magic of guilt.
“The thing is, Lexi…” She stiffened and took a step closer. “…I’d be fine without you.”
She put her hand on my shoulder.
Her touch was like a hundred bees stinging me at once. I tried to back away and stumbled, falling against the wall for support. Still, she didn’t move her hand.
She was drawing the energy—the life?–out of my body. The world spun and my head started to ache. I lost my balance and slid to the ground, landing on my forearms and knees, like a baby crawling. Kasey knelt at my side, her fingers still locked in place.
She’s really going to kill me.
I braced my arms against the rough carpet, trying to keep my head off the floor, as the whole world moved in waves. It was like being on the deck of a boat in the middle of a storm. I couldn’t tell which way was up. My hand hit the bed with a thud.
Nausea rose up inside my throat—I tried to force it back, tried to take a deep breath—
But I couldn’t breathe. I tried again, opened my mouth and attempted to swallow huge, gasping breaths. But even though I could taste the air, sweet and cool on my tongue, I couldn’t force it down my throat and into my lungs.
I was drowning, sinking…dying.
“No, stop!”
It was Kasey’s voice. She seemed to swing past me like a pendulum, her wide blue eyes so close to my face, her clawlike grip still burning into my shoulder.
“Stop, you’re hurting her!” she cried.
A memory flashed into my head—the cool, smooth-edged feeling of the heart charm against the skin of my palm.
The heart.
It was the only thing that could help me. My arm thrashed around like a fish out of water, finally hitting the rough knit of the sweater I’d left on the floor. I reached into the pocket and felt the silky length of ribbon.
My fingers groped for it, and my vision started to go gray. A horrible pounding sound echoed inside my head.
Finally, just as I was about to give up, my finger made contact with the smooth metal. I grabbed it and slapped it wildly against the top of Kasey’s hand. She gasped and let go of my shoulder.
Air came rushing back into my lungs.
The throbbing whooshes went silent, and all I could hear were Kasey’s soft sobs. She’d scooted a few feet away and was holding her hand protectively near her body.
I wrapped the ribbon around my hand and thrust my arm forward, the flat of the heart making contact with my sister’s bare foot.
She jerked her head up, stared at me through shocked eyes, and then went limp and passed out, slumping sideways onto the carpet.
Every breath of air was like a piece of sandpaper rubbing against my throat. I had to call Megan and tell her. I had to call out to Mom.
But I collapsed.
Darkness washed over me.
25
I AM LOCKING THE BACK DOOR. I am locking all the windows. I have closed all the drapes, like she told me to.
“Mommy,” Megan says, “I’m hungry.”
I can’t help but feel a
But then I turn and look at her, and something inside me warms a little. I kneel next to her and take her hands in mine. “I’m sorry, baby,” I say. “I’m almost done, and then we’ll have a snack, okay?”
Megan nods, but then the headache hits, and everything goes black for a moment.
I open my eyes to see Megan watching me, her thumb in her mouth.
KEEP GOING.
“Leave me alone!” I yell, trying to get the sound of it out of my head. Megan cowers. “No, sweetie, no, not you….”
KEEP WORKING!
I’m like a puppet, doing as she commands, going from room to room, locking doors and windows behind me. Megan trails a few feet back, watching me. It has never been this bad before. Megan tries to grab on to the hem of my skirt, but I push her away.
YOU HATE HER.
And for a second, I do. I look at my daughter and feel a burning hatred. But it flares out like a match, and all that’s left is guilt, sorrow, fear. Horrible fear.
A few minutes later the job is done.
GO TO THE KITCHEN.
I do, although I don’t know why.
GO TO THE OVEN
BLOW OUT THE PILOT LIGHT.
No—no—
But I can’t stop myself from obeying.
TURN ON THE BURNERS. ALL OF THEM. TURN ON THE OVEN. OPEN THE OVEN DOOR.
And I’m crying, and Megan is crying because I’m crying, and she’s patting my back and I’m terrified because I feel pulsing hatred for her. I’m disgusted by her touch.
I shy away from her and look down at her little arm. I see the bracelet Mom gave her, the half of a heart, the one that fits together with mine. I reach out and touch the bracelet. I lift her wrist toward my mouth and kiss her hand.
Then I stand up and take her by the arm and drag her to the foyer, and she’s screaming and crying and trying to get away and asking me, “Why? Why? Why?” NO, says the voice.
But for once I’m stronger than the voice, and I unbolt the front door and push Megan outside.
“Mommy!” she screams. Her face is red and splotchy and she’s crying so hard because she doesn’t understand.
“I love you, baby,” I say. “I love you so much.”
And then I close the door and dead-bolt it and fasten the chain and crawl back to the kitchen. The air is heavy with the smell of rotten eggs. I take the stack of doll photographs from my pocket and start tearing them to tiny pieces. Close-ups of her face, her mangled hair, her chipped hands, her stained underclothes. She’s hideous. Why did I ever think she was beautiful?
Megan thumps on the door and knocks and knocks, but I can hardly hear it because the voice in my head is screeching at me, cursing me.
I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND, YOU DON’T LOVE ME…
When the photographs are shredded, I crawl to the trash can and drop them inside.
I take a deep breath, and the voice gets lower and lower and finally disappears. The burning green eyes that have watched me so closely for such a long time go dim.
The last thing I think of is how beautiful Megan looked the day she was born, when they placed her in my arms for the first time, and I realized at that moment that I would lay down my life for this tiny person.