Bad Girls Don't Die

I let go and brought my hand out of my pocket.

“I have to run,” I said, rinsing out my cup and setting it on the counter. I grabbed my backpack from the bottom of the stairs and left.

I walked toward the school as far as the stop sign on the corner, then went all the way around the block and came back to my house from the other direction. I crept across the side yard and stood behind the overgrown bushes while I waited for Kasey to make her appearance. Surrey Middle started at 8:30, so she should have been out of the house at 8:15, but she came sauntering out at 7:54 and started down the street in the opposite direction from the middle school.

She held a stack of notebooks in her arms as she strode down the sidewalk, oblivious to anything around her.

Including me, as I followed a half block behind. I tried to stay out of her eye line, but I didn’t have to worry. She was hell-bound for her destination and didn’t even look behind her once.

I followed her the five blocks to the quaint little downtown shopping district, where moms with strollers and men and women in suits seemed to dominate the sidewalks. No one noticed my sister as she trudged up the stairs of town hall. I went in after her and just caught a glimpse of the back of her sweatshirt as it disappeared down a hallway.

“Pardon me, miss,” said a man sitting next to a metal detector. “Can I help you?”

“That’s my sister,” I said. “I have to ask her something.”

“She was here all day yesterday too,” he said. He waved me through the metal detector, and I darted through the crowds to see where Kasey had gone.

I found the long hallway and went all the way to the end, where there was a single door. The metal sign on it read HALL OF RECORDS.

By the time I got to school, first period was half over. I figured I might as well go to the office and get my late slip before Mrs. Anderson sent me. But when I told the secretary I’d been over seeing my dad at St. Margaret’s Hospital (for lack of a better story), she wrote me a pass without marking it in the book.

“You take care, now, dear,” she said, handing it over with a sad smile.

Between classes I stopped by my locker and felt a dozen pair of eyes on me. The cheerleaders were all staring warily from their row of lockers. They were clustered so tightly that I couldn’t see Megan.

But really, it didn’t matter. What could I possibly say to her?

I arrived at fourth period and sat in my usual desk at the back of the room. I was flipping through my textbook when I caught a flash of red and white out the corner of my eye.

“Hey,” someone said.

I glanced up to see Megan standing next to me. “Oh, hi,” I said.

“Um…will you sit next to me?” she asked, playing with the hem of her satin cheerleading uniform.

I hesitated for a millisecond, wondering if the people around us were paying attention. It was long enough that Megan’s eyes flickered away self-consciously.

“Yeah, of course,” I said, picking up my bag off the floor.

I followed her across the room; she gestured to an empty desk.

“It’s okay,” she said. “Chloe sits there. She’ll move.”

I set my stuff down and got settled. Another girl in a cheerleading uniform, Chloe, came wandering over and exchanged whispers with Megan. Then she went across the room to my usual seat.

I looked expectantly at Megan, thinking she had a question or something.

She wrinkled her nose and gave a sad little tip of her head. “No real reason,” she said. “I just wanted to be around someone who understands.”

“I’m really sorry,” I said.

“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m trying to figure out how to stop thinking about—”

“What? This sucks!” I looked up to see Lydia standing a few aisles over, glaring down at Chloe.

“It’s cool, Lyd,” I said. I tried to wave her over so I could explain, but she didn’t budge.

“No, not cool,” she said. “They took your chair.”

Everyone in the classroom, including the teacher, seemed to be enjoying the conversation.

“No,” I said. “They didn’t. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not worried,” she said. She drew up to her full five-foot-nothing. “I’m pissed. On your behalf.”

“Lydia,” I said loudly, because loudness is the only thing that gets her attention. “I’m fine. Go sit down. Leave it alone.”

“But I—”

“I want to sit here,” I said, and the whole class fell silent and stared at me. I figured, what the hell, and added, “Next to Megan.”

Lydia sputtered and sniffed and plunked down in her own seat.

I turned to Megan and rolled my eyes.

“Sit with me at lunch?” she asked.

This time I nodded right away, not stopping to look around and worry about who was watching or what they were thinking.

And as class progressed, I found myself actually looking forward to lunch. Not just because it was something new, but because I felt a co

No, it was something like the old Beth feeling. A kindred spirit kind of thing.

As the bell rang, Megan stood up with her bag slung over her shoulder and waited for me to gather my things.

We made our way down the hall side by side, and I felt like some old rusty door was opening up inside of me, releasing something that had been bottled up for years.

She chewed silently, looking blankly ahead. I swallowed the last bite of my rice pilaf and reached down to my pocket for the heart charm.

“So…I realized,” I said, hesitating. “Yesterday? At your house? When I said I had the same kind of necklace as you…”

I set it gently on the table.

“It’s the other half of yours, isn’t it?”

She reached into her collar and pulled the chain out. Hers had the letters RA and GAN.

SHARA. MEGAN.

“Yeah,” she said.

“Do you…want this one too?”

She stared at it for a long minute, then shook her head. “Nah. You keep it.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously,” she said, swirling her bottled water. “How’s your sister?” “Weird.”

“Did she hurt you again?”

“No, she’s really busy…making these lists of names. It’s kind of obsessive.”

Megan frowned.

“I’m sort of hoping she’ll get bored of it and, like, stop. I mean, bossing people around is fun, but clerical work isn’t that cool.”

“That’d be good,” Megan said.

We ate in comfortable silence.

When the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, Megan reached into her bag and pulled out a paperback book with a purple cover. The title was Things That Go Bump in the Night.

“Take this. It might help,” she said.

I took the book and made a move to lift the necklace off the table.

“Look,” Megan said, pointing at it with a carrot stick. “It says SHAME.” SHA, ME. Shame.

“I never thought of it that way,” I said, scooping it back into my pocket.

“Fu

After the final bell rang, I went to my locker.

Carter was waiting for me. “I’ll drive you home?” he asked.

I nodded and followed him out to his car. I made a conscious effort not to notice the curious stares in our direction, but that made me notice them that much more.

“You all right?” Carter asked as we pulled out of the lot.

I nodded again, looking out the window at the throngs of kids happy to be done with their school day.

“If you need to talk about anything, I’m here,” he said, his voice gentle. “I felt so bad yesterday. I can tell there’s something going on.”

No. He was just too nice. I could not let my horrible life leak inky black misery all over what he’d managed to rebuild for himself.

I never thought I would say this, but Pepper was so right.