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And I hope that, when it’s over, you can forgive me.
“And I hope that—” I stopped.
Those words would draw Carter back to me like a cat to a bowl of cream, have him fawning over me and following me around and carrying my bag and hanging on my every word, the perfect devoted boyfriend. All I had to do was open my mouth and speak them.
—when it’s over, you can forgive me.
“What do you hope?” Carter asked, tracing my cheekbone with his finger.
Sure, I could get Carter back. If I swallowed my pride and recited a bunch of wimpy, lying apologies.
Was the Sunshine Club stupid? Yes. Dangerous? Yes. Was it a huge mistake? Yes. Yes to everything. Except the part where had to I play sick mind games to earn Carter’s love.
I jumped to my feet. “I have to go.”
“No, Lex, wait!” He scrambled to his feet behind me, but he headed for the bridge. I just hiked up my skirt and ran for the ditch, taking a huge leap, utterly confident that I would land neatly on the other side.
My purse made it.
But I didn’t. Halfway across, my confidence abandoned me like an octopus letting go of a fish, and I hit the edge of the far bank and splashed backward into the water, landing hard on my backside.
“Lex!” Carter called, ru
I hauled myself onto the grass, refusing to take his hand or look up at him.
“What were you thinking?” he asked. “That’s a seven-foot jump!”
My whole body shook with anger and humiliation. I pushed my wet hair away from my eyes and realized with horror that I was crying.
He hovered over me, a helpless onlooker. “Are you all right? Are you hurt?”
And then the voice filled my head again.
I’m sorry I’ve been acting so strangely. I know I’m not being the girlfriend you deserve, but—
“No!” I said, turning my face and trying to rub the tearstains away. “Stop it!”
Stu
If you just give me a chance, I’ll show you that I can be worthy of your love—
Forgetting to care about my own appearance, I stared in horror at Carter’s. And he stared back, his expression teetering on the edge of utter devastation.
There was no way to separate him from the voice. No way to be around him and turn off Aralt’s constant coaxing in my head.
The only way to keep Aralt from controlling my thoughts and feelings was to leave Carter behind.
“Please don’t,” I said. “I don’t need your pity.”
My words cut him to the quick. “Lex, I just want to help you.” He looked around helplessly. “We’re supposed to be a team.”
“No,” I said, backing away. “We’re not. We can’t—there’s no more team. There’s no ‘us.’ Stay away from me…please, just stay away from me.”
I turned around and walked away, putting one foot in front of the other, thanking God I felt too numb to feel sad or scared—to feel anything at all.
MEGAN CAME TO THE PARK and picked me up. She was so distracted that she didn’t even ask if I was okay. Instead I asked her if she was okay.
She checked her mirrors, like there might be someone tailing us. “No,” she said. “I talked to Mimi. She rear-ended some guy on the way home, and it took three girls to drag her away so she wouldn’t kill him. And Monika and Paige were standing in the hall and being super mean to all the freshman girls—calling them horrible names. Lydia tripped one girl and threatened to beat her up if she told anybody. And Tashi quit. You can’t just quit!”
“Tell me about it,” I said. It was all I had the energy to say. Then I noticed that she’d hung a left instead of a right. “Where are you going?”
“My house. We’re having an emergency meeting.”
Oh, for the love of God. I’d just broken up with my boyfriend. The very last thing on a list of fifty things I didn’t feel like doing would be going to a Sunshine Club meeting.
“Everyone’s going out of their minds,” Megan said. “I don’t get it. Did Tashi leave because she knew this was going to happen? Why isn’t Aralt helping us?”
She was right, of course. Everything was spiraling out of control. Somehow Aralt had packed up and left us flailing.
It had to stop soon, or someone could get seriously hurt.
Betterment was a zoo. At one point it turned into a shouting match.
I got called out eight times. Not the least of my offenses was thoughtlessly falling in a ditch before an unpla
Finally we moved on to the matter of Tashi.
Lydia got up and calmly recounted her conversation with Tashi, in which Tashi had decided that the Sunshine Club wasn’t right for her and she was going to leave town.
Could it be true? Could Tashi just decide to leave Aralt behind? Was that why she’d been scared, because he didn’t want her to go? And maybe that was what caused Aralt to start freaking out.
Part of me figured, well, if somebody wants out, the su
But I was apparently alone in that line of thinking.
“She can’t quit!” Mimi said. “It’s so completely disrespectful! Just take Aralt’s gifts and leave? No wonder he’s angry. You can’t blame him!”
“It’s like she knows all of our secrets,” Monika said. “She’s exploiting us. She might even be telling other people our private business!”
Even Lydia hadn’t expected such a violent response. I could tell by the way she backed out of the discussion and stood silently, looking from person to person.
Emily straightened her wig and stood up, a concerned look on her face. “I think we need to contact Tashi, reason with her. Say we want her to come back.”
Inwardly, I sighed with relief. Finally, someone was being sensible.
“And if she doesn’t want to?” Megan asked.
“What do you mean?” Emily’s soft eyes hardened. “She doesn’t have a choice.”
“Listen,” Adrie
“We’ll better her,” Paige said. “We’ll better her so much she’ll never run away again.”
Emily’s mouth curled into an ugly smirk. “She’ll learn that you can’t leave Aralt.”
I raised my hand. “Why do we have to worry about Tashi?” I asked. “Why can’t we just graduate?”
Adrie
“We can,” she said. “Soon. But we’re just ironing out one little wrinkle.”
Everyone groaned, and Adrie
“Are you kidding? No one wants to join now,” Mimi said. “Not after all the weird stuff.”
“I thought we had enough people!” Paige protested.
Lydia’s smile superglued itself to her face. “So did we,” she said.
And then it hit me:
They were counting Kasey. If we really needed twenty-two people to graduate, my sister was the wrench in the machine.
My eyes cut sharply over to meet my sister’s. Then I looked around.
From her spot on the bed, Megan was watching us both.
“So if we got Tashi back,” Monika said, “that would work?”
“I guess,” Lydia said. “But in the meantime, everyone focus on recruiting.”
“And let this be a reminder to us all,” Adrie
“And if you try,” Emily said, “you can die, for all we care.”
“This is ridiculous,” Kasey said, following so close she was practically on top of me. “You can’t just leave me behind! I’m not a helpless little kid.”