From Bad to Cursed

I looked around for an escape, but I was basically on the field. Standing still, I didn’t attract attention, but to move would have been like shining a spotlight on myself. Carter went on, talking about how great his years at Surrey had been and how excited he was to have a chance to give back to the school that had given him so much.

“Not only steadfast friends,” he said, “and top-notch academic opportunities. But a well-developed extracurricular program, the best technological resources in the county, and a caring staff and faculty.”

A polite smattering of applause.

“So I’d like to dedicate this year to all of you, and to all of the students who came before me and will come after me,” he said. “But most of all—”

He was staring right at me.

I raised my camera, not wanting to look him in the eye, not knowing what else to do.

“I want to dedicate this win to the most incredible girl I’ve ever met and probably will ever meet in my life—”

My finger kept hitting the shutter button, like I could pretend I was just an observer, not even there.

“My girlfriend, Alexis Warren.”

The crowd said, “Awww.”

“Lex,” Carter said, laughing. “Put the camera down.”

I had no choice.

He looked straight at me. And then he said:

“Alexis …I love you.”

The words rushed at me over the painted stripes of the field. They hit the school building in the distance and echoed back.

I was surrounded. Helpless.

It was the kind of public horror show that you’d see in some awful romantic comedy, not on the football field of Surrey High. The crowd went crazy, whooping and whistling and catcalling. I stood there, staring at his big, bright, oblivious grin.

And then I ran.

The throngs of people around me blurred together as I fought my way through, pushing to the sidelines, trying to escape into the night. People talked to me, laughed at me, exclaimed in surprise as I shoved them out of my way, past the front of the bleachers, toward the exit.

“Alexis? Are you okay?” Miss Nagesh called out as I ran by, but I didn’t stop.

“Lexi!” Ahead of me, my sister clambered down the stairs, carrying my bag. “Lexi!”

Our paths intersected. Kasey grabbed my hand and ran, pulling me around the back of the bleachers, where the speakers could only throw muffled sound instead of bladelike words.

In the sudden darkness, I ran smack into someone.

Mrs. Wiley. “Alexis,” she said, her voice sharp. “Have you seen Megan?”

I think I would rather have run into an angry grizzly bear.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t have time to talk!”

Mrs. Wiley watched in shock as we took off.

I held my camera with one hand and held on to Kase with the other. All I knew was that we had to get out of there. We had to go.

We were almost to the exit. Almost free.

“Alexis?”

Tashi sidestepped into my path. I stopped inches short of colliding with her.

“What are you doing?” she asked. “Where are you going?”

“Home,” I gasped. “I’m not feeling well.”

I was so used to Tashi’s serene smile—I’d never seen her look harsh before. Her eyes flashed, and her lips came together in a pout.

“You need to collect yourself,” she said, “and get back in there. You’re going to embarrass Carter and the whole Sunshine Club.”

“Carter embarrassed himself !” I said. “I didn’t ask him to get up in front of the whole school and say…say he…” I couldn’t even say the words. It was too terrible. I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach.

Tashi stepped closer. Involuntarily, Kasey stepped back. “You mean to tell me,” Tashi said, “that nothing you said or did inspired his little confession?”

My head ached. I mean—yes. Of course things I said and did inspired it. But that didn’t make it my fault! Carter and I had gone five months without saying “I love you.” It was supposed to be precious, private. Now it was ruined.

“How much worse will it be for Carter if you don’t go back?” Tashi asked.

I pictured him—standing out there on the stage, mic in hand. Having to walk down the steps. Face everybody. Alone.

A scream of feedback came through the sound system.

My heart cringed for him.

“You have no right to do this, Alexis,” Tashi said quietly. “You can’t run away. This isn’t all about you. You need to get in there and be the girl Aralt wants you to be.”

Kasey, still panting, gave me a look that begged me to leave.

Be the girl Aralt wants you to be.

I literally didn’t have a choice.

“I have to go back,” I said to my sister. For Aralt. “For Carter.”

Kasey stared down at the ground.

Tashi focused on my sister for the first time. “You should be there too,” she said. “Your sister needs you. We all need you.”

But Tashi’s serious face didn’t scare Kasey. She just cocked her head to the side and said, “Alexis can stay if she wants. But I’m going home.”

I expected some offended reply from Tashi—something about our duty to the sisterhood, or the bond we shared, or whatever. But Tashi just stared at Kasey like she was trying to memorize her face.

Then she turned and started walking back toward the football field.

“I’m leaving, Lexi,” Kasey said. “I feel sick.”

“Come on, Kasey,” I said. “Please. Stay. You can handle it. You’re strong. You can—”

“You’re wrong, I’m not,” she said. “Not strong enough to stand here and watch you do this.”

“But you have a duty to Aralt,” I said. “At least think about that.”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t,” she said, breathless. “I don’t have a duty to anyone.”

Then she started to cry—big fat tears of crystal-clear salt water.

And before she said another word, I knew.

“I never took the oath,” she said.

I felt myself rock backward, away from her.

“There. Now you know. I’m a terrible sister.” She looked toward the field, her eyes almost wild. “I got you into this, and I can’t get you out.”

She reached up and pulled the ponytail holder out of her hair.

“The worst part is,” she said, “you don’t even want out anymore.”

There were no words. Literally not a single word I could think of to say in reply. So I took a step backward, toward Carter and Tashi and the Sunshine Club.

“I have to go,” I said, walking away.

My escape had felt like fast-motion, but now everything slowed to half-speed. Carter was just coming off the field as I emerged from behind the bleachers, and a lane cleared between us. He held out his arms to me, and I went straight into them. The sounds blended together into one loud hum, and my eyes swam with spots from the stadium lights. Carter smushed his lips against my forehead.

“Hey,” he said. “Where’d you run off to?”

I swallowed hard and stared into his eyes.

Show me Carter, I thought. Show me one glimpse of my Carter. Then I can do this. Then I can get through it.

His eyes were blue and wide, and they sparkled in the night, reflecting back everything around us. But there was no Carter.

I started to take a step back.

“Alexis?” he asked, a hint of hurt in his voice. He was still waiting for my explanation.

I had a wardrobe malfunction.

Behind Carter, Tashi stood with her arms folded in front of her, waiting.

I put my hand behind his head and pulled his ear down to my mouth.

And I whispered that I’d had a wardrobe malfunction.

But I was sorry I’d run away.

I wouldn’t be ru

I closed my eyes against his chest, inhaling his smell—laundry detergent and sweat. I loved his smell. He didn’t act like Carter. He didn’t talk like Carter, and his eyes weren’t Carter’s eyes. But he still smelled like himself. Somewhere under it all, he still was Carter…right?

I could be happy. I really could.