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I step out of the shower, look at myself in the mirror and burst into tears. I’m totally kidding myself. I’m in love with Cameron King and over the last few weeks, Jackson has helped me realise that fact, and stupidly, it would now seem, I had allowed him to become a symbol of hope. I had no idea I was going to bump into him Saturday night, but I had pla
I decide not to bother with any makeup because I can’t be sure that I won’t be crying again anytime soon. I put on some clean clothes, pull on a baseball cap, take my sunglasses out of my bag, and go and take my seat as we make our descent into Heathrow.
* * *
Jimmie and Len are at the airport to collect me. Jim and I are blubbering snot bubble blowing messes the instant we set eyes on each other. The three of us stand and have a group hug for a full three minutes before heading over to the car. Len has booked a car with a driver so we can all sit in the back and talk. I give them most of the details of my time away, but I save my adventures with Roman for when I get some girlie time with Jim and Ash.
It’s Monday morning in England, and the traffic on the M25 is its usual nightmare. Ash has convinced Marley to go to my parents’ house with her and we are going straight there to surprise them all. My stomach begins to churn as we drive along familiar streets on the approach to my parents’ home, my home. I must become quiet as Jimmie reaches out and takes my hand.
“You okay, babe?” I shrug. I could nod my head, but it would be pointless. She knows me too well.
“Nervous,” I reply honestly.
“It’s only Mum, Dad, Ash and Marley, George. You’re not going to meet the queen.”
I turn and smile at Le
“She’ll be all right. She’s just missed ya really badly. Actually, we all have.”
I nod. “I missed all of you, too, but I just couldn’t be around here with all those stories going on.”
“I know. I understand that. It pisses me off that they’re allowed to print all of that shit and yet don’t say a word when it’s all proved to be a load of bullshit.”
Anxiety builds in my chest as I think about the claims and the relentless press attention and speculation. Sean’s been dead a year now and I wonder if they will finally leave me alone. I’m not famous. I was married to someone that was; that’s all. I really don’t understand why anyone would be interested in me.
Le
“Well your source is wrong.” I turn to look at him.
“No, I can’t confirm that.” His eyes are staring straight ahead and I just know that the call is about me when he turns and looks out the window.
“I’m confirming nothing, Jules.”
“Nope, nothing to say about that either, any more questions?”
“Then please call the office not my mobile. I’m on holiday.” He frowns as he listens to what’s being said on the other end of the line and his eyes suddenly turn and meet mine. “Fuck off, Jules.” He ends the call just as my phone rings. It’s Cam and my heart pounds so hard I can feel it reverberate through the leather seats of the car.
“You go
I nod as Jimmie takes a hold of my hand. I swallow, but my mouth is so dry I almost choke.
“It’s not what you think. Nothing happened. We talked. I bumped into him at a club and we were worried about being photographed together so we went back to my hotel, but we just talked, nothing else, Len. I swear. I wouldn’t have done that, not on Saturday night.” I don’t want to cry, but I can feel tears stinging the backs of my eyes. I try to blink them away and fail. I swipe angrily with the back of my hand and try to control the trembling of my bottom lip. “They’re go
“Why the fuck was he in Australia? Why were you both at the same club? Do you realise how bad this looks? For fuck’s sake, George, I don’t know how I’m go
“She went to the opening of the club Jodie’s been working on. She wanted to stay home, but I told her to go. She went with Jackson and Brooke.” Jimmie squeezes my hand tighter as she speaks. I couldn’t love her more in that moment, my beautiful, loyal best friend. She knows me well enough to know there’s every chance I did arrange to meet Cam, that I did spend the a
I look back towards Le
“You don’t make things easy on yourself, do ya, Porge?” I shrug and my bottom lip starts to wobble again.
“Seems to me, don’t matter what I do, someone’s always out to make me look bad. The press are always looking to dig some kind of dirt on me and Sean, and if they can’t find anything, then they’ll just make things up anyway.”