Kissing Snowflakes

“He has a bad cold, I think from being out in the hot tub,” I told her. I didn’t want to lie, but I thought it was nicer than saying he and Aaron were watching wrestling matches on pay-per-view.

The waitress came around and everybody dug into their pockets and bags. I took a deep breath. It was the first time that I was using my fake ID. Phoebe and Rachel and I had gotten them as a dare last year when we turned fifteen. My name was A

Honey Braids turned to me and said, “Hey, I’m Ashley.” She had warm brown eyes and a mess of freckles on her nose and cheeks.

“I’m Sam.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m really glad you decided to come. Drew was talking about how much fun you are!”

I felt a smile sneak across my lips.

“Really?”

See? What did Eric know? I wasn’t just some girl. I watched Drew as he talked with some of his students. They were asking him about the Olympics. Of course, I had heard it before, but I loved to listen to his voice and have an excuse to just gaze at him.

Then our drinks came. Liz stood up and tapped on one of the water glasses.

“Excuse me! Excuse me! I would like to make a toast. To an awesome week in Vermont. To making new friends. And to Drew for teaching us to tackle the slopes and to leave your behind — behind!” Good for her. Conquer the cheese factor. Everybody laughed and tipped their glasses back. The drink was lemony and sweet. Then I felt Drew’s hand inch across my thigh and give me a gentle squeeze. Oops. I forgot to swallow and instead sputtered and coughed.

Smooth, Levy, real smooth.

Drew laughed quietly and patted me on the back. “Easy, rock star,” he whispered.

I definitely needed to loosen up. I picked up my glass and took another big gulp. So much for taking it slow. Tonight was going to be all about having fun.

“You taste like chocolate and cheese and marshmallows,” I murmured, giggling.

Drew and I were parked somewhere between the Fondue Pot and the i

“Don’t forget the bread and apples. Mmm, I could kiss you all night,” he said, leaning in again.

His hands were big and strong, and he was ru

Stay calm, Levy. Stay calm. This is what normal people do. Sara Spencer and Kevin Mallon are probably doing it right now. Pretend this is health class. It’s natural.

I felt the cold air hit my bare stomach. I couldn’t take it.

“Hey, Drew?” I said timidly.

“Don’t worry, Sammy,” he whispered. “I have a condom.” His lips were inching down to my chest. His fingers were on my top jeans button. I moved my hands and held his firmly. Then I took in a deep breath and summoned up my fifteen and a half years of virginal courage.

“Drew? I don’t think I can do this right now.” My words tumbled out and it felt like my teeth were too big for my mouth.

He stopped. “I thought you were having fun,” he said.

“I was. I am. I just — I’m not quite ready to do all that, you know. Right now. I’m … I’m …”

Drew fell back in his seat and blew out a long sigh. “Wow,” he said. His face was hidden in shadow. But that was okay — I didn’t think I could look at it anyway.

“I mean, I still want to kiss you and do all that other stuff, I just don’t know if I’m ready for sex right now. Is all.”

He was still just lying there, looking at the ceiling of the car. Everything was incredibly still now. Too still. I waited, but, of course, my mind was racing. Pretty soon more thoughts came spilling out.

“I mean, I’m really having fun. I just thought, maybe we could get to know each other first. I mean, I know you, but I don’t really know you, you know? Like, I know you ski and you like reading Sports Illustrated, which is cool, but do you do other things, like play an instrument or go camping, or … I don’t know. Are you allergic to anything I should know about?”

It was meant to be a joke, sort of, but it wasn’t fu

“Like, here’s a couple of things you might not know about me. I do the school newspaper and last year I was in this play, but whatever. My friends Phoebe and Rachel and I volunteer sometimes at this nursing home and I mean it’s kinda boring but they’re really sweet and this one guy named Mr. Keys thinks he’s still a general in the army and he calls us to attention — it’s pretty fu

“Sam, didn’t we do this last night?” Drew’s voice sounded tired.

“Yeah, but I mean, you said that was just the begi

“Sure,” he said, but he still wouldn’t look at me. He just sighed again. “You do a lot of talking, Sam. Like too much sometimes. Sometimes you gotta let your body take over instead of your mind.”

Maybe he was right. After all, he had been at this longer than I had. But I knew I wasn’t ready for sex. Not in a steamy Jetta. Not — no, not at all. Not now.

I tried again, softer this time. “It’s just, there’s so much to learn about each other. Like, tell me about the Olympics!”

“I’ve never been.”

“Yeah, but, the trials. I mean, are you go

“I guess.”

“Cool!” Another silence. Ugh. “Hey, Drew?”

“Yeah?”

“There are other things besides sex that we could do.” I tried to snuggle down next to him. But now it felt like I didn’t fit there. Like I had too many limbs or something. “Do you wa

“Hey, Sam?”

“Yeah?” I whispered.

“Sorry, I’m just not feeling it so much right now, you know? Wind’s kinda sucked outta my sails,” he said.

“Yeah, okay,” I said, deflating steadily.

And then we just lay there. I pulled down my sweater because I felt stupid lying there with my stomach in the moonlight.

“Listen, I think maybe I should just take you back to the i

“Sure,” I heard myself say. But I didn’t feel co

We drove the rest of the way in silence. I really didn’t want to cry. Please, Levy. Hold it together until we get back. I hoped Phoebe had her phone with her now, wherever she was. When we got to the i