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I burrowed a little closer to my wonderfully overprotective boyfriend. “So Ha
“Yeah. She was terrified to have kids. She even thought about walking away from Marco because she was convinced she wouldn’t be able to get past it.” He sighed, playing with the hem of my T-shirt. “Sophia was an accident. Ha
I kissed him, a soft brush of my lips against his. “You are such a good friend.”
He slipped his hand under my shirt, ru
“No.” I tilted my head, trying to think how I could explain it so he’d really believe me. And then it hit me. My gaze dropped from the stark white ceiling to his eyes. “There are moments when you’re talking or laughing together that I see this look on both your faces . . . this really familiar look.” My throat was suddenly thick with emotion. “It’s familiar because it’s the same look Logan always gave me.”
Cole’s expression softened. “Shortcake, you need to go to him.”
The door to the waiting room suddenly blew open and Marco was standing there, exhausted but beyond happy. “It’s a boy.” He gri
Laughing, Cole got up off the hard, uncomfortable chair and walked over to shake hands with Marco. “Congrats, man. Mum and baby are all okay?”
He nodded, rubbing a hand over his close-shaven hair. “They’re perfect, Cole. I mean my wife just told me we’re never having sex again, but other than that we’re perfect.”
* * *
It wasn’t long before the whole tribe descended on the hospital in the wee hours of the early morning to come and meet the newest member. I’d never met a group of people so closely tied, and as I stood on the fringes of their lives, watching them take turns to hold baby boy Jarrod D’Alessandro and kiss his mother’s cheek, I felt a pain in my heart so sharp I couldn’t breathe.
And I couldn’t stand to watch anymore.
Retreating from the room, I hugged myself as I blew down the corridor, desperate to find somewhere I could take a minute to find that momentary peace I was always seeking these days.
I wasn’t even halfway down the corridor before I found myself stopped and yanked back around by a concerned Cole.
He took one look at me and he didn’t even have to ask. He pulled me against his hard chest for a hug. “I mean it, Sha
I wrapped my arms around him, holding on tight. I knew he was right. “This is my third favorite thing about you.”
I heard the amusement in his voice. “And what’s that?”
“You give the best hugs in the world.”
He squeezed me tighter and chuckled. “What’s number one and two?”
“Two is your ability to bring me to orgasm every single time we do it.”
Cole laughed outright at that, and I heard the masculine pleasure in his voice. “And one?”
I shook my head. “One is too cheesy. Just know it’s a good one.” I pulled out of his embrace and sighed. “I’ll visit my brother this Thursday.” I pressed my hand to my stomach and blew air out between my lips on a shaky exhale. “Oh hell, I feel like upchucking just at the thought of it.”
Cole took my hand and began leading me back to Ha
We were about to enter the room when Cole halted me with a look. I lifted a hand to stop him from saying what I knew he was about to say. “I’ll tell you number one when I’m drunk. I’m mushy when I’m drunk.”
He gri
* * *
Cole and I were lying in bed. He’d just made love to me in that slow, tender way of his that melted all my insides. Afterward he’d curled me into his side, my head resting on his chest, our legs tangled together. Cole didn’t like to sleep without some part of me touching him.
I knew he was close to drifting off, because the rhythm of his breathing had changed, but I didn’t think I could hold it in until morning.
Butterflies flurried in my stomach. “I contacted my brother.”
Just like that, Cole was instantly alert, his body tensing against mine. “And?”
“He’s only allowed four visits a month. He was supposed to be catching up with a friend, but he said I can come instead.”
“You spoke to him?”
“Not him directly. It’s all arranged. Visiting hours on Thursday at quarter to three.”
He caressed my arm gently, making soothing circles on my skin with his fingertips. “How do you feel?”
“Like I want to cry every five seconds.”
“Then cry, Shortcake.”
Instead of letting go of the tears, I whispered, “I’ve decided I don’t need to be drunk to tell you what number one is.”
He waited silently.
“It’s your ability to make me a better me. I want to be the person you see in me.”
“Shortcake,” he breathed, pulling me closer.
“You should also know I’ll never be able to look at shortcake the same way again.”
I felt his body shake with laughter—and for a little while the anxiety over seeing my brother was diminished.
* * *
I stared at the redbrick visitor center.
I was close to losing my breakfast.
Cole had made me shove down some toast and eggs this morning, but I’d refused to eat lunch. Good thing too or I think I’d definitely be losing it outside the prison.
My supportive and anxious boyfriend had really wanted to join me in Glasgow. He was going to wait outside in the car park while I visited with Logan, but I’d declined his offer. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him there, but I needed to do this myself.
There was a huge possibility I was going to walk into that visitor room and have the only other person on the whole planet that I adored tell me he hated me and he’d never forgive me. I’d been ru
However, it was much, much harder than even I’d anticipated.
I knew I had Cole waiting back in Edinburgh for me and with him the promise of this beautiful family who were there for one another like families should be. Yet that promise, no matter how much it wanted to offer itself to me as a balm against the possibility of losing Logan, was never going to do that. Gaining them didn’t mean losing Logan wouldn’t break my heart.
I had so many cracks in my heart . . . I wasn’t sure it would handle another without shattering into a million unglueable pieces.
A child’s laughter jerked me out of my maudlin thoughts, and I watched as a young mother carried her happy child inside the building.
It was time to suck it up.
“And you have no more than ten pounds in cash on you?” the prison officer asked me at security check-in.
I pulled out my purse, my hands shaking. “Uh, yes.”
“I’ll need to take your purse along with your phone.” He took it and gave me a ticket to retrieve my things when I was leaving.
Before I stepped into the visitor room, I had to pause. The chaotic fluttering in my stomach swarmed into a panic in my chest and I felt a rush of breathless dizziness. I braced my hands on my knees and bowed my head, taking in air through my nose and releasing it slowly through my mouth.
“Miss, are you okay?”
I glanced up through my hair at the prison officer standing at the entrance of the room. I straightened and smoothed trembling fingers over my dry lips. I let out another puff of air. “Yeah. I’ll be fine.”