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Once the nurse was gone, Sandy kept on standing there for a while with her arms crossed, watching Je
“Hey, there,” Je
The sun was up, streaming in through the curtains. Je
“Are you okay?” Sandy got up and stepped closer to the bed. “Does your leg hurt?”
Je
“That’s good.” Sandy smiled, but she felt her mouth pulling hard the other way. She didn’t want to cry. She hadn’t cried in front of Je
Je
Only Je
“Yeah, I do,” Sandy said, smiling. “But nothing else?”
“I’ve got some flashes of being in the car after the accident. My fucking leg was on fire, and I was so goddamn thirsty. That and the fucking quiet. You know how I hate that shit. Can you imagine me with all that time on my hands, all by myself, just to think?” As Je
“You really don’t know how the accident happened?”
Je
“The Palisades Parkway?”
She shrugged. “Buying drugs, I guess. I know a guy who sort of lives out that way. But not really. I got to be honest, I don’t have a clue.”
“So you don’t remember some woman you were talking to before you left work? Laurie said she had blond hair.”
“A woman?” Je
Sandy was trying to stay focused on Je
“Can you come here?” Je
Sandy pushed herself up onto the bed, which was a shitload stiffer than it looked. Je
“Was not.” But how would Sandy know? There was a reason she’d blocked out so much of her childhood. Je
“I know, you’re not afraid of anything anymore. But you’d cry yourself to sleep every night lying there. I told you a million times that you could leave the light on. You know me, why beat something when you can wriggle around it. But you were like ‘Fuck, no.’ Only five or something, and within weeks you’d cured yourself.” Je
Sandy rolled her eyes.
“I mean it, baby.” Je
That did not sound good. Not at all like something Sandy wanted to agree to. God fucking knew what Je
Sandy shook her head. “Um, yeah, I don’t think—”
“Sandy!” Je
“Okay, okay,” Sandy said, raising her hands. She could always pretend she’d done whatever Je
“There’s an envelope in there that belongs to you.” Je
Sandy pulled out the envelope, and sure enough, there were all her twenties. Thank fucking Jesus. Finally, something breaking in their favor. Enough for food while Je
Je
Sandy shook her head as she sat back down on the bed, trying not to cry. It wasn’t working. All that fear, all that worry, she’d been holding back all these days was rushing in. Soon there would be nowhere left for it to go.
“I thought: There’s Sandy, taking care of me again. When all I’ve ever done is mess things up for her.”
“That’s not—”
“Yes, it is true, baby.” Je
“Mom, what the hell are you—”
“Do it for me if you have to.” Je
“Without you?” Panic flooded Sandy’s belly. “What are you talking about? That’s crazy. I’ll miss you. I can’t go somewhere alone.” She was starting to cry. She didn’t want to be, but she was. Because she already knew that Je
“I love you, baby,” Je
Then Je
Sandy was numb when she pushed herself out into the busy hospital hall, doctors and nurses and patients moving this way and that. Life and death keeping on.