Collateral Damage

Jesus. Liam resisted the urge to press the heels of his hands against his eyes. He didn’t want to hurt her further but she was giving him no choice because he refused to lie to her and give her false hope. “Because our issues would never have gone away and there was no getting around that. You know that as well as I do.” He’d just never wanted to admit it back when they’d been together.

“You’re wrong, because they already have.”

At the quiet sincerity in her tone his gaze snapped back to hers, the knot in his stomach twisting even harder at the grief and pain on her face. “What do you mean?” he couldn’t resist asking. Goddammit, why did he suddenly want to believe her so badly? Why couldn’t his stupid heart realize it was over and there was no going back?

“I mean I made my decision clear to my family and now I’m living with the consequences.”

His heart thudded in his chest, the bubble of hope a painful pressure beneath his ribs. “What decision? What consequences?”

For a long moment she just stared at him, until he was sure she wouldn’t answer. “I told them I’d made a mistake when I ended things. I told them what I wanted, that I chose you over them,” she said finally. “And ironically, now I’ve lost all of you.”

As her meaning penetrated the swirling fog of emotions roiling inside him, Liam could only stare at her in shock. He’d been desperate for those same words two years ago, and they’d never come. They were the last thing he’d expected her to say now. The seething anger drained away, only to be replaced with wariness. And guilt. Had he lost the chance to have everything he wanted because of his stubborn refusal to listen?

Her lips twisted in a bitter smile. “You don’t believe me.”

He wanted to. Stupidly, desperately wanted to believe that she’d been willing to change that much, that she wanted him enough to make that kind of sacrifice, but…

She gave a humorless laugh and turned her head away. “Whatever. Think whatever the hell you want then, it doesn’t matter. Believe me, Liam, I’ve done my penance—a thousand times over. I’ve said my piece and laid myself bare to you, and there’s nothing more I can do.”

The hell of it was, it did matter, even if he wished it didn’t. Every damn time he’d convinced himself he was finally over her, just when the jagged scars on his heart had begun to heal over, she found a way to split them wide open again. And this…

Don’t listen. Don’t believe her.

Liam swallowed. As unexpected as her words were, he couldn’t afford to take that risk again. How could he ever trust her again? Her actions were simply too little, too late.

One look at her face and it was obvious she’d closed herself off from him again. Rather than feel relieved, Liam was overcome with the sudden, almost uncontrollable urge to grab her face between his hands, force her to look at him and tell him everything. Every single thing she’d told her family about him since that night, everything she’d gone through. But how the hell could he ever trust her again? He’d let her in deeper than he’d ever let in anyone else and she’d stabbed him in the heart.

Honor knew all about his past and his fucked-up family life—a laughable term for his upbringing with an abusive alcoholic single father. He’d grown up wary, defensive, never letting anyone get close enough to hurt him. Since becoming an adult he thought he’d buried that scarred, terrified piece of him too deep for anyone to see, but Honor had. She’d seen it and loved him despite his baggage, and he’d made the fatal mistake of handing his fragile heart over to her.

Dammit, she’d known she was his whole fucking world, had promised to be his forever when she’d accepted his ring, and then ripped his world apart when she’d abandoned him.

He hadn’t seen it coming. Would never have imagined she’d ever be capable of something like that, he’d trusted her that much. He’d have to be goddamn insane to ever give her the chance to do that kind of damage again.

Even as he steeled himself against her, that old, familiar longing rose up inside him. The wounded, lonely little boy he’d once been was still very much alive. That part of him wanted to beg her to love him again, to let him back into her life, so he’d finally know what it felt like to be loved and accepted. So he’d have a family and a real home at last.

Honor had been all of those things to him, and more. Losing her had damn near killed him.

She’s not lying this time, his heart whispered. She means it.

No, his gut and head told him. Never again.

Christ, he was so damn sick of this rollercoaster.

Shoving all the turmoil and emotional bullshit aside, he focused on the blood that was still seeping through the bandages. “You’re not putting enough pressure on that.”

She snapped her head around to stare at him and narrowed her eyes. “Just get out and leave me the hell alone, Major.”

Her eyes were still boring holes through him when the door opened a second later and a pretty brunette dressed in scrubs walked in. She must have picked up on the tension between them because her greeting smile faded and her eyes widened as she glanced from Honor to him and back. “Hey, heard you were here,” she said slowly, turning her full attention to Honor. “What’d you do to yourself, hon?”

If she’d really wanted him gone she could have asked her friend to order him out. Liam was relieved she didn’t. On some level she still wanted him here.

“Shrapnel,” Honor answered, her lowered eyes and the catch in her voice telling Liam she was on the edge of tears.

Honor rarely cried. Knowing he’d hurt her badly enough to push her to that point shredded him. Yeah, some fucked-up, twisted and dark part of him had wanted to lash out at her for what she’d done to him but he’d come in here with the intention of helping her, not hurting her. Now he was torn between the impulse to slam his fist into the wall and gathering her into his arms to never let go.

Before he could even process that, Erin eased the gauze away from Honor’s shoulder. “Okay, we’ll need to get an X-ray to see what we’re dealing with, then we can fix you up. You hurt anywhere else?”

Honor rubbed a hand over the back of her neck and rolled her head slightly, clearly exhausted. “Hit my head pretty hard on the ground. I was wearing a helmet but I’ve got a bitch of a headache.”

Wait, what? His gaze shot to her face.

Erin examined the back of her head. “You’ve got a lump. Did you lose consciousness?”

“Maybe for a second, I’m not sure. Everything happened so fast…”

Liam’s jaw clenched. So she could likely add a concussion to the list of injuries on top of everything else. Great. Damn it, he’d known she wasn’t telling him everything. “You better check her over, make sure she’s not hurt anywhere else,” he said to Erin.

Erin glanced at him and raised a haughty eyebrow. “Thanks for the tip, but I learned about assessment in the first week of nursing school. And I’ve also roomed with her for a long time so I know exactly how good she is at putting on a brave face.” She shot a warning look at Honor before focusing back on him and her eyes hardened. “You’re Liam?”

He nodded but Honor cut in with, “He was just leaving.” The scathing look she gave him made it clear she wanted nothing more to do with him. Probably ever. Which was what he’d wanted, right?

So why did it feel like he’d just inhaled a gallon of broken glass?

Liam sucked in a deep breath. “I’ll go finish up with the briefing. You can give your statement when you’re ready.”

She nodded without glancing at him, and since there was nothing more to say and he wanted her to get looked after without any more drama, he left the room. For now he’d give her some space but he already pla