Enter Pale Death

“Ah, yes. I understand there may well be a certain international dealer of repute ready to scoop them up.”

Adam Hu

He fell silent abruptly at the approach of the director on duty.

Joe smiled to see they were wheeling out their biggest gun. Clarence Audley came shimmering towards them in a pale grey morning suit and old-fashioned stiff collar, arm outstretched in greeting, a beaming smile lighting his way.

“Commissioner Sandilands! Welcome! My goodness, you’re looking quite splendid today! We all risk being dazzled by the sun glinting off your frogging! We catch you between parades, I hear? Not come to arrest me, I hope!” he said archly. “It must be three years since we sold you the Italian primitive. I thought we’d got away with it! Is she still giving satisfaction, your Mado

“A lucky find,” Joe said modestly. “The Mado

Professional concern won out over the director’s social preoccupations. He actually clutched his heart to convey sudden distress. “My dear fellow! I do hope you employed the very best—”

“Oh, a bit of spit on a hanky usually does the trick, I find.” Joe relished the crumpling of Audley’s puffy features before putting him swiftly out of his misery by adding, “Though in this case I took advice and used Malleson to undo the dirty work.”

Audley began to breathe again and recovered sufficiently to grit out a playful, “No better spit and polish merchant in the business, we’d say. A good choice of restorer. Now, Commissioner, if you should care to offer up your Mado

First round to Audley, Joe thought, admiring the man’s skill and regretting what he was about to do. Time for a bit of by-play. He took Audley by his lustrous sleeve and urged him closer to the portraits. He looked over his shoulder, checking that no one was within earshot then lowered his voice. The audience shuffled closer, straining even harder to follow the action. The policeman could just be made out asking police-style questions regarding the authentication process by which these lots had come into the gallery. Joe listened carefully to Audley’s earnest and—from his previous enquiries at the Yard, he knew—honest answers. Audley opened the catalogue, pointed to the description of the pictures, and held out his hands clearly in protest of some sort of accusation. His replies were growing more concerned, more flustered by the minute. At one of Joe’s comments he stamped his foot in rage.

Glancing around the room again, Joe saw that two young men, by appearance brothers in their early twenties, had crossed the room to join each other and were whispering together.

At this point, Adam Hu

He stalked majestically from the room, followed by the admiration of the crowd.

Joe noted that the two men he took to be the “brattish” Despond brothers Truelove had referred to were sneaking out quietly by a side entrance. Joe reckoned that his job was done. Bidding Audley a friendly farewell and promising to return, he made his way to the door.

The moment he stepped out into the midday sun on King Street, a heavy hand of authority fell on his shoulder from behind.

“ ’Arf a mo! If you wouldn’t mind, sir? I’m taking you in charge for impersonating a police officer, attempted fraud, confidence trickery and bloody bad acting.”

At Joe’s start of surprise, Adam Hu

“I think the Footman had the right idea. Let’s flee with him, shall we? I expect they’ve got a nice little snug round the back where we won’t run into any art lovers. And you can tell me, over a pale ale, how an honest country copper like you got caught up in this shaming display.”

CHAPTER 4

The interior of the Fleeing Footman was dark, cool and welcoming. The style of the gentleman behind the bar was similar. His glance flicked for the briefest moment over Joe’s uniform, making the discreet assessment of a good butler, before settling back on Adam Hu

“Good to see you again, Mr. Hu

“Yes please. Make that two pints of India Pale Ale, Mr. Pocock. We’ll take them through to the back parlour if that’s convenient.”

“I was about to make the suggestion. You’ll find you have the room to yourselves and I will divert any further comers, unless you are expecting …?”

“No, no. It’s just me and the gentleman. We won’t be infesting your belfry for long. We’ll be gone before your first steak pie rolls up.”

At the mention of steak pie, Joe realised it had been a very long time since breakfast and was about to extend the order but here was Hu

They simultaneously drank a hole in their tankards of cellar-cold foaming beer and carried them through to the snug parlour. They settled down on a red velvet-covered bench at an oak table and Joe looked about him, admiring the ancient space which had clung on in the Jacobean building, miraculously avoiding being swept away by three hundred years of constant redevelopment and a dozen changing architectural styles. The landlord had, gratifyingly, failed to fall for the temptation of cleaning off the years of brown tobacco smoke from the ceiling and decorating the walls with horse brasses and sporting prints. Though he seemed not to have availed himself of any of the goods from the local auction house to raise the tone either. A homely, moralising print of a drunkard, reeling around in sorry state in the style of Hogarth, was nailed up on a beam next to a more modern caricature of Harry Lauder, the Music Hall singer, offering the room “Just a wee deoch an doris.” A last whisky for the road. The entertainer had left the pub his own “one for the road,” Joe reckoned, a calculating stare convincing him that the drawing (on the back of a menu) was the work of Lauder himself. He’d signed it and smudged the brown whisky ring with his sleeve.

On the wall over the fireplace, in pride of place, was a framed maxim executed in superb calligraphy in gold letters.

Fit in dominatu servitus

in servitute dominatus. Cicero.