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She ain't there.
I've asked Mayor Prentiss bout her every time I've seen him and he's said I need to trust him, said he's not my enemy, said if I put my faith in him that everything will be all right.
But I've looked.
And she ain't there.
"Hey, girl," I whisper to Angharrad as I saddle her up at the end of our day. I've gotten way better at riding her, better at talking to her, better at reading her moods. I'm less nervous about being on her back and she's less nervous about being underneath me. This morning after I gave her an apple to eat, she clipped her teeth thru my hair once, like I was just another horse.
Boy colt, she says, as I climb on her back and me and Davy set off back into town.
"Angharrad," I say, leaning forward twixt her ears, cuz this is what horses like, it seems, constant reminders that everyone's there, constant reminders that they're still in the herd.
Above anything else, a horse hates to be alone.
Boy colt, Angharrad says again.
"Angharrad," I say.
"Jesus, pigpiss," Davy moans, "why don't you marry the effing-" He stops. "Well, goddam," he says, his voice suddenly a whisper, "would you look at this?"
I look up.
There are women coming out of a store.
Four of 'em, together in a group. We knew they were being let out but it's always daylight hours, always while me and Davy are at the monastery, so we always return to a city of men, like the women are just phantoms and rumor.
It's been ages since I even seen one more than just thru a window or from up top of the tower. They're wearing longer sleeves and longer skirts than I saw before and they each got their hair tied behind their heads the same way. They look nervously at the soldiers that line the streets, at me and Davy, too, all of us watching 'em come down the store's front steps.
And there's still the silence, still the pull at my chest and I have to wipe my eyes when I'm sure Davy ain't looking.
Cuz none of 'em is her.
"They're late," Davy says, his voice so quiet I guess he ain't seen a woman for weeks neither. "They're all sposed to be in way before sundown."
Our heads turn as we watch 'em pass by, parcels held close, and they carry on down the road back to the Women's Quarter and my chest tightens and my throat clenches.
Cuz none of 'em is her.
And I realize--
I realize all over again how much--
And my Noise goes all muddy.
Mayor Prentiss has used her to control me.
Duh.
Any effing idiot would know it. If I don't do what they say, they kill her. If I try to escape, they kill her. If I do anything to Davy, they kill her.
If she ain't dead already.
My Noise gets blacker.
No.
No, I think.
Cuz she might not be.
She mighta been out here, on this very street, in another group of four.
Stay alive, I think. Please please please stay alive, (please be alive)
I stand at an opening as me and Mayor Ledger eat our di
Cuz Mayor Ledger was right. There's so many men that once the cure left their systems, you stopped being able to hear individual Noise. It'd be like trying to hear one drop of water in the middle of a river. Their Noise became a single loud wall, all mushed together so much it don't say nothing but
ROAR
But it's actually something you can sorta get used to. In a way, Mayor Ledger's words and thoughts and feelings bubbling round his own personal gray Noise are more distracting.
"Quite correct," he says, patting his stomach. "A man is capable of thought. A crowd is not."
"An army is," I say.
"Only if it has a general for a brain."
He looks out the opening next to mine as he says it. Mayor Prentiss is riding across the square, Mr. Hammar, Mr. Tate, Mr. Morgan, and Mr. O'Hare riding behind him, listening to the orders he's giving.
"The i
And for a second, I wonder if his Noise sounds jealous.
We watch the Mayor dismount, hand his reins to Mr. Tate, and disappear into the cathedral.
Not two minutes later, ker - thunk, Mr. Collins opens our door.
"The President wants you," he says to me.
"One moment, Todd," the Mayor says, opening up one of the crates and looking inside.
We're in the cellar of the cathedral, Mr. Collins having pushed me down the stairs at the back of the main lobby. I stand there waiting, wondering how much of my di
I watch Mayor Prentiss look thru another crate.
"President Prentiss," he says, without looking up. "Do try to remember that." He stands up straight. "Used to be wine stored down here. Far more than was ever needed for communion."
I don't say nothing. He looks at me, curious. "You aren't going to ask, are you?"
"Bout what?" I say.
"The cure, Todd," he says, thumping one of the crates with his fist. "My men have retrieved every last trace of it from every home in New Prentisstown and here it all is."
He reaches in and takes out a phial of the cure pills. He pops the lid off and takes out a small white pill twixt his finger and thumb. "Do you never wonder why I haven't given the cure to you or David?"
I shift from foot to foot. "Punishment?"
He shakes his head. "Does Mr. Ledger still fidget?"
I shrug. "Sometimes. A little."
"They made the cure," the Mayor says. "And then they made themselves need it." He indicates row after row of crates and boxes. "And if I have all of what they need ..."
He puts the pill back in the phial and turns more fully to me, smiling wider.
"You wanted something?" I mumble.
"You really don't know, do you?" he asks.
"Know what?"
He pauses again, and then he says, "Happy birthday, Todd."
I open my mouth. Then I open it wider.
"It was four days ago," he says. "I'm surprised you didn't mention it."
I don't believe it. I completely forgot.
"No celebrations," the Mayor says, "because of course we both know you are already a man, now, aren't you?"
And again I raise the pictures of Aaron.
"You have been very impressive these past two weeks," he says, ignoring them. "I know it's been a great struggle for you, not knowing what to believe about Viola, not knowing exactly how you should behave to keep her safe." I can feel his voice buzzing in my head, searching around. "But you have worked hard nonetheless. You have even been a good influence on David."
I can't help but think of the ways I'd like to beat Davy Prentiss into a bloody pulp but Mayor Prentiss just says, "As a reward, I bring you two belated birthday presents."
My Noise rises. "Can I see her?"
He smiles like he expected it. "You may not," he says, "but I will promise you this. On the day that you can bring yourself to trust me, Todd, truly bring yourself to understand that I mean good for this town and good for you, then on that day, you will see that I am indeed trustworthy."
I can hear myself breathing. It's the closest he's come to saying she's all right.
"No, your first birthday present is one you've earned," he says. "You'll have a new job starting tomorrow. Still with our Spackle friends, but added responsibility and an important part of our new process." He looks me hard in the eye again. "It's a job that could take you far, Todd Hewitt."