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I’m choking for breath but not getting any at all and you can’t believe how much it hurts and the world’s gone spi
“WHAT ARE YOU SMILING AT?” he screams, little bits of blood and spit and flesh spraying onto my face. He squeezes my neck harder and I can feel myself throwing up but there’s nowhere for it to go and I can’t breathe and all the lights and colours are flowing together and I’m dying and I’m going to die.
“AAH!” Aaron suddenly jerks back, letting me go. I drop to the ground and throw up all over everywhere and take in a huge gasping breath that makes me cough in a way like I’m never go
Good dog.
Aaron slams Manchee sideways with an arm, sending him flying into the bushes. I hear a thump and a yelp and a “Todd?”
Aaron whirls around to me again and I just can’t stop looking at his face, at the gashes everywhere that no one could have survived, no one, it’s not possible.
Maybe he really is dead.
“Where’s the sign?” he says, his torn expression changing right quick and looking around in a sudden panic.
The sign?
The–
The girl.
I look, too. She’s gone.
Aaron whirls again, this way, that, and then I see him hearing it the same time I do, hearing the rustle and snap as she runs, hearing the silence as it flows away from us, and without another look at me, he takes off after her and he’s gone.
And just like that, I’m alone.
Just like that, like I have nothing to do with anything here.
What a stupid day this has been.
“Todd?” Manchee comes limping outta the bushes.
“I’m okay, buddy,” I try to say and get some of it out despite the coughing, even tho it ain’t true. “I’m okay.”
I try to keep breathing thru the coughs, forehead on the ground, dribbling spit and barf everywhere.
I keep breathing and these thoughts start coming. They come all uninvited, don’t they?
Cuz maybe that could be it, couldn’t it? Maybe it could be over, simple as that. The girl’s obviously what Aaron wants, whatever he means by “the sign”, right? The girl’s obviously what the town wants, what with all the ruckus over the quiet in my Noise. And so if Aaron can have her and the town can have her, then that could be the end of it, right? They could have what they want and leave me alone and I could go back and everything could be like it was before and, yeah, it would probably be no good for the girl but it might save Ben and Cillian.
It might save me.
I’m just thinking it, all right? The thoughts rush in, that’s all.
Thoughts that this could be over as soon as it started.
“Over,” Manchee murmurs.
And then I hear the terrible, terrible scream that of course is the girl getting caught and that’s the choice made, ain’t it?
The next scream comes a second later but I’m already on my feet without even really thinking it, slipping off my rucksack, leaning a bit, coughing still, reaching for more breath, but the knife in my hand and ru
They’re easy to follow. Aaron’s torn thru the bushes like a bullock and his Noise is throwing up a roar and always, always, always there’s the silence of the girl, even behind her screams, which somehow makes it even harder to hear. I run the best I can after them, Manchee on my heels, and it ain’t more than half a minute before we’re there with genius me having no idea what to do now I’ve got here. Aaron’s chased her into a bit of water about ankle-deep and got her back up against a tree. He’s got her wrists in his hands but she’s fighting him, fighting and kicking for all she’s worth, but her face is a thing so scared I can barely get my words out.
“Leave her alone,” my voice rasps but no one hears me. Aaron’s Noise is blazing so loud I’m not sure he’d hear me even if I yelled. THE HOLY SACRAMENT and THE SIGN FROM GOD and THE PATH OF THE SAINT and pictures of the girl in a church, pictures of the girl drinking the wine and eating the host, pictures of the girl as an angel.
The girl as a sacrifice.
Aaron gets both of her wrists in one of his fists, fumbles off the cord belt of his robe, and starts tying her hands together with it. The girl kicks him hard where Manchee bit him and he hits her across the face with the back of his hand.
“Leave her alone,” I say again, trying to make my voice louder.
“Alone!” Manchee barks, still limping but still ferocious. What a ruddy good dog.
I step forward. Aaron’s back’s to me, like he don’t even care I’m here, like he don’t even think of me as a threat.
“Let her go,” I try and shout but it just makes me cough some more. Still nothing, tho. Still nothing from Aaron or anyone.
I’m go
I’m go
I raise the knife.
I’ve raised the knife.
Aaron turns, not even fast like, just turns like someone’s called his name. He sees me standing there, knife in the air, not moving like the goddam coward idiot I am, and he smiles and boy I just can’t say how awful a smile looks on that torn-up face.
“Yer Noise reveals you, young Todd,” he says, letting go of the girl, who’s so tied up and beaten now she don’t even try to run. Aaron takes a step towards me.
I take a step back (shut up, please just shut up).
“The Mayor will be disappointed to hear about your untimely departure from the earthly plain, boy,” Aaron says, taking another step. I take another step, too, the knife in the air like it’s of no use at all.
“But God has no use for a coward,” Aaron says, “does he, boy?”
Quick as a snake, his left arm knocks into my right, sending the knife flying out of my hand. He hits me in the face with the flat of his right hand, knocking me back down into the water and I feel his knees land on my chest and his hands pressing down on my throat to finish the job but this time my face is underwater so it’s going to be a lot faster.
I struggle but I’ve lost. I’ve lost. I had my chance and I’ve lost and I deserve this and I’m fighting but I’m not nearly as strong as I was before and I can feel the end coming. I can feel me giving up.
I’m lost.
Lost.
And then, in the water, my hand finds a rock.
BOOM! I bring it up and hit him on the side of the head before I can think about it.
BOOM! I do it again.
BOOM! And again.
I feel him slide off me and I lift my head, choking on water and air, but I sit up and raise the rock again to hit him but he’s laying down in the water, face half-in, half-out, his teeth smiling up at me thru the gash in his cheek. I scrabble back from him, coughing and spluttering, but he stays there, sinking a little, not moving.
I feel like my throat is broken but I throw up some water and can breathe a little better.
“Todd? Todd? Todd?” Manchee says, coming up to me, all licky and barky like a little puppy. I scratch him twixt the ears cuz I can’t say nothing yet.
And then we both feel the silence and look up and there’s the girl standing over us, her hands still tied.
Holding the knife in her fingers.
I sit frozen for a second and Manchee starts to growl but then I realize. I take a few more breaths and then I reach up and take the knife from her fingers and cut the cord Aaron bound her wrists with. It drops away and she rubs where it was tied, still staring at me, still not saying nothing.
She knows. She knows I couldn’t do it.
Goddam you, I think to myself. Goddam you.