The Variables

“Save your energy. I’ve already told you that it’s going to work out.”

She leaned back away from him and narrowed her eyes. “Sometimes I really dislike your optimism.”

Grant looked at her apologetically. “I’m not always positive—”

“You believe everything is going to turn out okay in the end, right?”

He shrugged. “With us? I do.”

“Okay,” Lucy said and she snuggled back in close. “What if...what if I just have a bad feeling?”

“I don’t know,” Grant answered. “Look...you don’t know what the Islands are going to be yet. They could be awesome! I mean you know they are going to be awesome. You know I’ll follow you anywhere, Lula. You know it. Only—”

“You want it to be okay.” She said it softly, the realization creeping over her that Grant was going to try to make the most of any place he ended up. She wanted him to be her co-conspirator, her partner against the people who had hurt her. That wasn’t Grant. It would never be Grant. “I understand,” she said and kissed him on the cheek.

“But hey,” Grant said with a shrug. “I’ll do whatever you say. You want to take on the most powerful man in the world...who has an army and chemical weapons at his disposal? Why not! Just another Tuesday, right?”

Lucy broke into a huge grin and she couldn’t help but laugh. “I feel like that’s even better than a marriage proposal. How do you know your boyfriend loves you? He’s willing to have a showdown with a ruthless dictator or plot an escape off a giant metal island in the middle of the ocean.”

“Technically, it’s nowhere near the middle of the ocean. And...I never said anything about love.”

Instantly Lucy’s face bloomed a deep crimson and she fell over on to the stripped mattress and buried her head. She mock-whimpered into the blue and white floral pattern. A button pushed into her cheek. “You ruined it,” she lamented. “You ruined my first time saying that word to anyone.”

Grant put his hand on her back and she turned to him. Her eyes twinkled.

“Technically,” he said again, “you declared that I loved you. Not the other way around.” He tucked a piece of blonde hair behind her ear. “But you’re right.” He smiled. That dimple. She melted. “I love you very much, but I’ve known it for a long time.”

“A long time?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.

“I’ve known for a long time, yeah,” Grant said.

“Before we kissed?” Lucy whispered, smiling, her eyes welling with tears.

“Way before.”

“Before Wyoming?”

“Eh...around Wyoming.”

Her memory went back to the stillness of the Jackson Lake Mountain Lodge.

“We should go back to those cabins sometime. It was nice there. Peaceful and untouched...it was easy to pretend that the darkness didn’t exist.” Lucy sat up on her elbows and smiled.

“Then we’ll go back,” Grant declared with a nod. “That will be our place. If we ever get separated—”

“Don’t even say it,” Lucy said quickly. She shot up on the bed and clasped a hand over Grant’s mouth. He stared at her wide-eyed. “It’s bad luck. You can’t even say it...promise?” He nodded and she removed her hand. “We will go back to Wyoming sometime. Together. Promise?”

“Okay, okay. I promise,” he said.

The door to the room banged open again and Harper traipsed in holding her stuffed giraffe by the neck. “Mom says that you need to finish up!” she a

“Tell mom I’ll be there in a second,” Lucy said to her younger sister, and she shooed her away. Harper stuck out her lower lip and then turned back around and rushed into the main living area, leaving the door wide open.

“She says she needs a second!” her little sister yelled to the entire apartment.

“You should go,” Grant said, and he gave her a nudge.

Lucy reached around her neck and felt for the tiny metal clasp to Salem’s necklace. Unhooking it, Lucy slid it into her hand and pushed it forward into Grant’s chest. He wrapped his own hand around hers and tried to push her hand back, but she didn’t budge.

“Keep it safe,” she said. “I know you’ll come back to me soon if you have this, because you know how much it means to me.”

“Faulty logic,” Grant replied. He stared at her closed palm; the chain dangled in the air. “You keep it,” he told her. “I don’t need that necklace to hurry back to you.”

Lucy shook her head. “I want you to take it.”

“Now, Lucy. It’s time,” Maxine said from the doorway.

When she turned, she saw her mother standing with her arms crossed. While her body language and tone conveyed frustration, her mother’s face was soft and forgiving, and Lucy thought maybe even a bit sad. She understood.

“We have to go, Grant,” Maxine said. “I’m sorry...”

Grant looked at Lucy and then slid his hand into her outstretched palm and collected the necklace. He took it and clasped it around his own neck; he held the cross between his thumb and index finger and spun it on the chain. Lucy smiled and he shrugged.

“Be safe,” he said to Lucy in an almost-whisper. With his free hand he reached into the waistband of his pants and pulled out an envelope. “For tonight. Before you go to bed.”

“Mom—” Lucy turned to send her mother away, but she noticed that Maxine had already slipped from the door to give them one last moment together, alone. The place where she had been standing was empty. She turned back to Grant, took the letter from his hand, and wiped away a tear. She felt like her heart was breaking into two pieces. Her stomach ached, her brain went foggy; her entire nervous system responded to this one moment. “I love you,” she said, emboldened.

All the air went out of the room. For a second, all Lucy could hear was her own heartbeat pounding in her ears. It had to be perfect this time; it wasn’t a joke.

“Well,” Grant answered with a smile. “I loved you first.” Then he leaned over and kissed her cheek, just as another tear rolled down. He licked the saltiness off his lips and pressed his forehead into hers. “Seeing you right now just makes it so clear...I have to do whatever it takes to get back to you. You’re everything I have. You’re my entire family.”

“It wasn’t clear before?” Lucy asked, confused. She started to pull away, but Grant put his hand on the back of her head and kept her forehead pressed to his.

“Don’t read into things,” he whispered. “Nothing has ever been as clear as us.” Then he kissed her one last time. Without saying a formal goodbye, he exited the apartment, walking briskly past the waiting King family and their bags, packed and ready for their journey to Kymberlin.

Cass gave Lucy’s hand a squeeze. The girls walked hand-in-hand together through the gray hallways in silence; they both carried single bags filled with the entirety of their earthly possessions. While there was excitement in the air and anticipation for the journey ahead, their last march through the hallways of the System felt somber. The path to the single elevator to the surface led them through a network of long, door-less hallways. Lucy had imagined the remaining occupants lining up to bid them goodbye, cheering for them as they walked past, like they were soldiers marching off to war or astronauts journeying into space. Instead, the halls were quiet and abandoned, and those bound for the Islands walked in relative isolation.

They would ride the elevator in small groups of six, which would plop them back into the middle of the Brixton library. From there, they would board a passenger plane for the East Coast. Kymberlin was located off the coast of Maine.

From one Portland to another, Lucy thought. She shifted, moved forward, and shuffled along. The line slowed as people began to ascend to the surface.

Behind her, Lucy heard the distinct clap-clap-clap of high-heels against the tile flooring. She turned to see Blair rushing forward, weaving between the line of people, while holding Teddy in her arms. A short woman with a poorly executed A-line haircut and holding three bursting bags tried to follow Blair. She huffed and puffed behind her.