Broken Skies

He picks up my knife from the floor— blood blood red— wipes it on his pants and holds it out to me. I shake my head so he slides it into his pocket. “We need to go.”

I let him pull me up the aisle, my feet dragging across the floor. I stop and lean down to grab the fallen kitu as we pass.

That kid…Zach… He wasn’t much older than me. And I killed him. But he’s not the first man I killed, he’s the third. Is this how it started with Jace? Did Jace become a killer because I did first? Maybe that’s why I didn’t see it in him. I’m a killer too, a murderer. Blood splashed scenes flash through my head until I have to shake my head to get them to stop. It’s all I can do to put one foot in front of the other and I ca

Lir stops at the end of every aisle and listens. The voices are moving away from us, pleasant tones punctuated with laughter. They won’t be laughing long. I’m sure it won’t be long before they find their comrade and come after us.

And then, “Zach? Zach?” Metal clatters on the ground. A gun dropping? “He’s still warm. They aren’t far. Find them!” Ru

Lir stops and tries to pull the gun away from me, but I don’t release it. They’ll come after us, but I just can’t. “Just run. No more fighting today. No more blood.”

The doors aren’t far and we break through them and into the cool night air well before the men catch up to us.

* * * * * * *

The signs of abandoned civilization fade behind us as we reach the woods and plunge ahead. I take the lead, jumping and ducking erratically to avoid branches and roots. Lir stumbles, but regains his feet before I even have a chance to look back. I keep my eyes focused on the trees, looking for the right one. I see it ahead and slow. Releasing Lir’s hand I point to the tree and then point up.

My hands scramble against the bark and my feet search for purchase as I shimmy up. I’m able to grab one of the lower branches to help me and climb until the limbs start creaking under my weight. It should be high enough. Lir follows, out of breath and sweaty. He collapses against the trunk of the tree, wedged in a vee where it meets a branch. I’m a few branches above him, so I climb down until I can squeeze in next to him.

It’s awkward trying to share the small space with Lir and I end up with half my butt hanging off the branch. Moving to another branch is an option, but I can’t bring myself to move away. I need the reassurance that he brings to me. The shot of adrenaline is wearing off and the tremble in my hands has spread to my limbs and escalated into violent shaking.

Lir grabs one my hands and motions for me to scoot forward. Then he settles me between his legs with my back against his chest. It’s calming being so close to him, my body flush against his. My breaths even out and my pulse slows. I relax into him, enjoying the feel of his chest rising and falling against my back. I shouldn’t be enjoying it, this strange new closeness between us. I don’t deserve it. A warm feeling tingles in my body at his nearness and I try to ignore it.

I’m not an idiot. I know about the birds and the bees and I know about love and feelings… but knowing about something and knowing what it feels like are two completely different things. Obviously, I’m attracted to Lir, but even that is a new experience for me. The only boys I’ve really spent time around have been my brother and Flint. Of course, Jace is my brother so I’m not going to be attracted to him, but it is different than how I feel around Flint too. Flint is my friend, really more my brother’s than mine, but being close to him has never made me feel like this.

When the men come crashing through the woods nearby, Lir pulls me in closer and wraps his arms around me. My eyes close, almost by themselves. His breath, still coming in faster than normal spurts, tickles my neck and he’s pulled me so close I can even feel the beat of his heart. I should pull away, reassert my boundaries, something, anything to push him away. I’m dirty and sweaty and covered in another man’s blood, but all I can do is think about how nice it is to let someone else take control for a while, how nice it is to be pressed against him with his arm circling me, protecting me. We stay like that for a while, me leaned in close to him, even after the sounds of the men have long disappeared.

“Jax?” Lir whispers into my ear.

“Mmmmm?” Between the warmth and the feeling of safety, I’ve almost drifted off to sleep.

“Do you think it’s safe to get down now?”

My eyes spring open. What the hell was I thinking? I keep my face turned away so he can’t see my embarrassment when I answer. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

I jerk away from him and climb down a few branches until I can easily jump down to the ground. While Lir works his way out of the tree, I pull myself together. Yeah, we’re friends, allies, but anything more between me and Lir is just a foolish… what exactly? Not a dream, not a wish… just an idea. A stupid one. He’s going back to his city and I’m taking Jace home…wherever that may be.

I let Lir lead the way this time and we walk directly opposite the path the men took. Who knows if we’re even going in the right direction anymore? I can only hope that come morning I’ll be able to find a distinguishable landmark on the map so we can get back on track.

What I wouldn’t give for something to rinse my mouth out with. The stale taste of vomit coats my throat and the knees of my pants are begi

Even awake, the wet thunk of the knife entering his throat replays in my ears and the creeping chill of anxiety climbs my spine. My hands wipe against my jeans again and again, without me even thinking about it. There’s no blood on them, not really, but I just can’t get them clean and I need them to be clean. In. Out. In. Out. Wipe. Wipe.

It’s late. I’m tired. “I’ve gotta stop. I can’t…I can’t…” I slump against a tree. “I…”

“You don’t have to explain. We can stop here,” he says.

Lir backs up until he’s beside me and slides to the ground. I follow him down and he adjusts me until we’re half-sitting half-laying down in a similar position to how we were in the tree, me between his legs with my back resting against his chest. My breaths are still ragged and the sound of the knife…my knife… hitting its target is starting to drown out everything else.

I sway back and forth, rocking slightly to the beat of my breathing. He doesn’t say a word, just holds me until I gain control of myself and lean back against him. It will be okay. I had to do it. Just like before. No! I will not think about that. I slam my eyes shut and squeeze them closed so tightly bright lights play behind my eyelids.

Lir rubs my arm and wiggles around a little before leaning his head back against the tree. I rest my head on his shoulder and, if I tilt my head, I can just make out his profile. He’s still awake. His lashes sweep across his cheek when he blinks and his throat bobs when he swallows. What is he thinking about? I bet he can see now how strong I’m not, maybe even regretting sticking around for me. I’m not even strong enough to face the nightmares I know are coming.

I just watch him, studying his face, memorizing his features…why?… holding my eyes open until I lose the battle and drift off.

When the dreams finally come…they’re not at all what I expect. My dreams once again focus on me, me in danger, me crying, me shaking… It’s not the fear or the blood of those I killed filling my head, but my own. A sense of helplessness as a hand grabs my wrist. Shock at finding me covered in blood, shifting to relief that it’s not mine…